Race to the Edge
by Appleye2
Summary: Join the 'Dragon Riders', a group of truck drivers, as they race to be first to a lucrative job, attempting to disable each other in the process. Modern AU.
1. Chapter 1

**First story on Fanfiction, so be nice. Hopefully, you'll have as much fun with this as I did while writing it. Story not completed yet, but I will try to keep it timely if anyone is interested in it. If not, it will still appear anyway. I don't own any HTTYD characters, except my own OC's. But they are fun to play with...**

The young man was minding his own business, driving down the highway in his semi-trailer, listening to his favourite music, when suddenly a female voice crackled into his thoughts.

"Breaker, breaker Night Fury. You got your ears on?"

Hiccup grinned. He grabbed the CB and spoke into it. "That's a big ten-four, Stormfly. What's your twenty?"

"You're in my sights, and I'll be at your back door soon."

Hiccup paused to turn and wave out the window before answering, "Well, you'd better smile and comb your hair, cause you are about to go down!"

"Oh, for the love of Benji! Are you serious?"

"Sorry my sweet! I just passed him, and Smokey had his sights set on you! I'll meet you at Sheila's Diner."

"You're paying!"

Hiccup just laughed and left his girlfriend to deal with a speeding ticket.

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, was a third generation truck driver. He came from the small township of Berk, where the main occupation was transport. His father, Stoick the Vast, ran the largest trucking business this side of the state line. Hiccup worked for him occasionally, but he preferred to freelance, working long haul loads. Whenever someone needed a specialist driver...they called for Hiccup. He was renowned as an excellent trucker despite his seemingly young age of twenty four and missing left foot. (That had been claimed in a truck accident in his teens.) But he'd been taught by the best...his father.

Hiccup hung with the mad trucking crowd that he'd grown up with at Berk. There was Astrid, his long-time girlfriend, also known as "Stormfly". Then there was Fishlegs, his best friend who was also known as "Meatlug" for reasons that involved an incident with a load of cattle. The others were Snotlout, aka "Hookfang", and the twins Ruffnut and Tuffnut aka "Barf and Belch" or the "Zippleback Twins". Hiccup himself had the handle of "Night Fury". Although they sometimes called him "Toothless" when they wanted to stir him up. Which was fairly often.

Other truckers referred to the group as the "Dragon Riders" due to the fact that all of them had dragons painted on the sides of their prime movers, courtesy of Hiccup. Another of his many talents. His dad's best friend Gobber, (don't ask about the name...its origins had long been buried in the depths of history) ran the mechanic shop where Hiccup had spent a large proportion of his youth. Apart from knowing how to strip and put back together a diesel engine in his sleep, he could also panel beat and air spray paint designs. The Dragon Riders had long had an obsession with dragons, (funnily enough) so it had been a natural progression to have dragons painted on their cabs. Hence the name of the group...

It had also been a natural step that they were constantly caught up in pranking each other. They had been doing that since they were in nappies and it hadn't stopped when they started driving. It seemed the pranks just got crazier and more insane as they got older. As soon as you said 'Dragon Riders' in any of the popular truckie haunts, everyone would shake their heads and smile. The group were infamous for their antics, and all who professed to maintain a measure of sanity knew to keep away from them. Although people still loved to tell the most outlandish Dragon Tales about them. (pun intended) But no one would ever doubt the ability of the group to drive, especially Hiccup.

Hiccup was wearing his usual loose, faded blue jeans that hung dangerously low on his narrow hips, and a ripped blue singlet over his lanky, tall frame. His messy auburn hair brushed the tops of his shoulders, too short to tie up, but long enough for his girlfriend's fingers to wind themselves through it.

He was leaning up against the counter of Sheila's Diner as he chatted to Sheila, the owner and head waitress, when she gave him a nudge and rolled her eyes towards the door. Hiccup turned and his face lit up with a huge grin when he saw Astrid walking in. She was dressed in cut off denim shorts, a sleeveless button down shirt tied off at her waist, and open at the top exposing the tank top she wore underneath. Her long legs went all the way up to there, and her blond hair spilled down her back in a single braid.

Hiccup paraded over to her, with his hand over his heart and a cheeky grin, "Where have you been all my life, beautiful lady? If I could have just one kiss from such a maiden, I would die a happy man!"

She rolled her eyes at him, shifting her gaze to the middle aged waitress behind him who was shaking her head and chuckling at them. "Do you believe this?" she called out in disbelief to Sheila, indicating to the grinning fool in front of her.

Sheila put her hands up. "He's your problem, not mine," she said laughing as she walked away.

Astrid turned her attention back to Hiccup who was now kneeling before her, his arms spread out wide. "Ah! What a magnificent golden temptress, to gaze down on a mere mortal man such as me. May I request the forbidden joy of your lips upon mine, to satisfy my very soul and warm my heart forever after?" he asked her, making her giggle.

A couple of patrons who were at the counter watching the display with raised eyebrows could be heard muttering to each other. "Five bucks she sends him flying. Doesn't that young fella know who he's talking too?" The other man responded, "You're on! Ten bucks she kisses him."

Astrid pretended to frown at him, but was finding that rather difficult as he puckered up and waggled his eyebrows at her. She had to keep stifling her giggles at the ridiculous faces he was pulling.

"Why would I want to kiss such a man as yourself?" she questioned him, arching an eyebrow.

"Well, because I'm devilishly handsome of course. And a really good kisser," he added, tongue very firmly in cheek. For emphasis, he puckered up again making kissing noises.

The first patron murmured, "Yep, my money's safe! She's really gonna flog him after that one!" The second patron snorted.

Astrid heard and decided the man needed to loose. But not yet.

"You forgot highly conceited," she deadpanned to Hiccup still on his knees, looking up at her in adoration and expectation.

"But of course, m'lady! Thank you for pointing that out for me!"

"And you really expect me to kiss you? Right here? In front of everyone?"

"Yes! My life would be worth living if you would grace my lips with yours. Otherwise I might die, a sad and lonely shell of a man," he wiggled his eyebrows at her again.

"Yep! That man's got a death wish for sure!" said the first patron as his companion laughed.

Astrid ignored them. She pretended to sigh heavily. "Well I guess I can't have your death on my conscience. Just one kiss, though!"

She stepped closer to him as he watched her keenly. The first patron gasped in shock, while the second stuck out his hand. " _Pay up_!"

Astrid took hold of either side of his head, while he placed his hands on her thighs. She leaned forward, then gently and lovingly kissed his waiting lips as he returned it eagerly. When she released him, he flopped his six foot three lanky frame down flat on the floor, his arms spread wide and a huge goofy grin on his face. "My life is now worth living," he declared with a contented sigh as Astrid giggled.

The first patron was in shock, "Do you think I'd get that lucky if I tried that?"

"Not unless you were her boyfriend," came the knowing answer.

" _What?_ "

"Get up you dork! You're blocking the doorway," Astrid told her foolish boyfriend, giving him a nudge with her toe. Sheila called out from behind the counter, "I just mopped this morning! Get your sweaty body off my clean floor!"

Astrid pulled him to his feet, not able to stop giggling at his antics while Sheila laughed at them in the background. Hiccup stood up and pulled her close, his arms wrapping loosely around her waist, as she wrapped hers around his neck, gazing up at him adoringly.

"I think I need another one of those," he growled at her.

She raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he claimed her lips once again. "Get a room!" Sheila snidely sung out to the pair. "Or better yet…get a truck cab!"

The young lovers separated, both blushing madly. Their hands remained connected as they strolled to an empty space at the counter, amidst applause from the surrounding crowd. Hiccup happily received a few pats on the back from total strangers, congratulating him on pulling such a stunt and getting away with it.

Sheila sauntered over, smiling broadly at the two. "Not often we get dinner _and_ a show round here!" she teased.

Astrid smacked Hiccup's shoulder but he was unapologetic. "Happy to oblige!" he told the waitress, while directing a huge smile to his girlfriend. Astrid just rolled her eyes at him. "You big doofus! Only you would do something like that!" she complained, but not really upset about it. They often spent long periods of time away from each other, but when they would meet up again, he would always do something embarrassing but endearing. And usually crazy too! But she was used to that now….mostly.

Sheila pulled out her pencil and notebook, her hair in disarray around her face. "Usual love?" she questioned Astrid. "Yes, thank you Sheila."

"And I'll throw in an extra blueberry muffin for you," Sheila told the young woman. She winked at Hiccup. "For the show!"

Hiccup complained, "Hey! Where's my muffin? It was my idea!"

Sheila patted him on his hand, "You are the muffin, love! The stud muffin." She hurried away from them, laughing her head off as Hiccup pouted after her. "I still want a blueberry muffin!"

"We'll see!"

Hiccup gave a lop-sided grin as he turned back to the blonde beside him. "She loves me, you know! I'll worm that muffin out of her yet!"

Astrid patted his cheek, "You just keep telling yourself that!"

He just t'sked and rolled his eyes at her. "Such confidence in my prowess!" he complained light heartedly.

Astrid shook her head and giggled at him. "You're prowess is fine! It's your ability to convince Sheila to give you a free muffin that's in question!"

"Thanks, I feel so much better now," he deadpanned.

"By the way, you're paying for my food," she told him.

"Not that I'm against it, but why?"

"For not telling me that speed trap was there."

He snorted. "Like you didn't use your feminine wiles to get out of it, anyway."

"Hey! I'll let you know when it comes to truck driving, that I'm as serious as the next person..."

"That would be me," he interrupted.

She humphed, "Well, maybe I should reconsider who I stand beside then..."

"You'll regret that comment!"

"Maybe, but as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted..."

"By the serious person."

"Where? Anywaaay...I'm serious when it comes to driving trucks, but can I help it if the police happen to feel the need to let a small thing like an accidental increase in speed slip past their notice?"

"You flip that golden braid of yours over your shoulder, and flatter them with your sweet talk till they don't know which way is up, and they are practically begging you to forgive them for pulling you over," he retorted.

She grinned at him. "Jealous?"

"Very. I can't even get a free muffin, and you just waltz in here with your long legs and pouty lips and suddenly a blueberry muffin gets offered to you, even after I did all the work!"

"Ha! Why don't you flash _your_ long legs and pouty lips..."

He pouted at her.

"...There! That's the one! Try not to look so constipated...And see how many muffins get offered to you!"

He flicked his longish auburn hair in a girlish manner. "Did I do it right?" he asked, striking a feminine pose, pretending to be coy, his hand held behind his head, and his left leg stuck out at a supposedly alluring angle.

Astrid almost fell off her stool from laughing so hard.

"Oh my goodness, Hiccup!" she gasped. Whatever else she was going to say, was lost as Hiccup earned a wolf whistle from one of the passing male patrons. Hiccup immediately resumed a more masculine stance and glared at the intruder, who only grinned and blew him a kiss. This time Astrid _did_ fall off the stool, rolling on the floor as she laughed even harder.

Hiccup grumbled, "What would your policeman friend say if he could see you _now?_ Not so captivating while you're rolling on the floor, are you?" He grumpily extended a hand to help her up, although he practically had to drag her back up as she was still laughing.

She sat back on her seat and managed to choke out between laughs, "Hiccup...you're supposed...to stick out your... _real_ leg! Not your false one!" And she bent over the counter as a fresh wave of insanity overcame her.

Hiccup's mouth twitched up as he glanced down at his prosthetic metal lower leg. "What? I thought a bit of bling was all part of the appeal?" he asked innocently.

She shook her head at him, trying to contain her mirth, as her sides were starting to hurt. "No, my sweet misinformed ' _girlfriend'..._ metal legs are not sexy!"

He pouted petulantly.

She leaned forward mischievously, "Although...on you, I'll make an exception. You _definitely_ know how to make it work in your favour!"

He grinned back. "Are you trying to tell me I'm sexy?" he fished.

She stood up and leaned herself into him, making his breath hitch as she wound her fingers through his hair at the back of his neck. She breathed into his ear in a husky sultry voice, "You know it." She turned to pass her lips close to his, and he instinctively closed his eyes and puckered up, ready for a kiss that never came. He opened his eyes in confusion to see her pulling away from him and sitting back on her stool with a teasing grin and one eyebrow arched at him.

"I'll even buy you a muffin!" she told him saucily.

"Tease!"

Astrid only gave him a wicked smile and blew him a kiss, which he gratefully caught and grinned back.

"I still think a bit of bling is the way to go. Worked on you, didn't it? And I'll hold you to that muffin too, miss!"

"You'll be paying for it anyway," she reminded him.

He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Somehow, even when I win I still manage to lose! How is that even possible?"

"When you're with me, you're always going to lose! And don't you forget it!"

"When you're with me, I've already won, m'lady!" he returned.

Astrid blushed but her delighted smile spread wider. "Smooth, Hiccup!"

He kept his gaze on her as he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Only for you," he promised.

They were startled by the sudden arrival of two blueberry muffins being plonked down in front of them by a grinning Sheila. "You two are so sweet it makes my honey pancakes taste sour! You _both_ win a free muffin. Now eat up before I change my mind and put it on your tab!"

And with that, she was gone.

Hiccup indicated to his muffin in triumph and began to tuck in with gusto, as Astrid chuckled and shook her head. "You are incredible!" she began. "And you accuse me of sweet talking! I think you've been holding out on me, Haddock!" she told him, as she turned to her muffin in delight.

"Neff doff fa kin," he muffled into his food.

"Can we try that in English?" she asked him wryly.

He chewed and swallowed his mouthful of moist cake. "Never doubt the king," he told her more clearly.

"As soon as the king appears, I'll make sure to remember that."

"Ouch!"

As they tucked into their pre-lunch dessert, Astrid began filling him in on their friends' where-abouts. She had been in contact with them on the road, and they were all expected to meet here at the diner about the same time. Which was great news as they didn't get that chance too often.

Hiccup's stomach growled and Astrid looked at him in surprise. "Are you still hungry?" she asked.

"I'm a growing boy you know," he defended.

"Oh pff! You probably didn't eat any breakfast... _again_! Have you ordered yet?"

"Of course! But this place has the worst service in the world, and a man would probably starve to death before he got fed!" he complained loudly as Sheila whipped past them. Sheila only rolled her eyes before ignoring him.

"Are you okay, Sheila?" Astrid asked the older woman in concern.

"I'm sorry Astrid love, I'm a bit rushed at the moment. I'll get your order to you shortly," said Sheila, puffing a few loose stands of dishevelled hair from her face as she rushed off. Astrid called down to her friend, "Can I come and get it instead?"

"That would be great love," called back Sheila in relief. It wouldn't be the first time Astrid had hopped behind the counter to help out. In fact, all of the Dragon Riders had been behind the counter at one point or another. Although the twins and Snotlout had overstayed their welcome and created more chaos than they had solved. They had been banned from ever stepping behind the bar again. But Hiccup, Astrid and Fishlegs were always welcome. Not that Snot and the twins ever really complained. They would usually sit at the counter and noisily demand the others serve them. Until Astrid threatened them of course.

Astrid walked down to the servery door and pushed it in with practised ease, ready to collect her and Hiccup's order.

"Hey Al!" she greeted the large beefy man with the eggflip in his hand.

"Hey Astrid!" he returned her greeting cheerily, waving the implement at her. "How's that boyfriend of yours?" he asked cheekily.

She grinned back, "Still hanging in there!" she replied.

"You know, I expect that wedding invitation soon," he laughed at her as she blushed a little.

"Now why would you expect that?" she bantered at him, raising an eyebrow. "Do you want to do the catering? I wouldn't want to put anyone through this vile stuff you call food," she told him, tongue firmly in cheek.

"Can't be that bad...you lot all keep coming back here and taking over my kitchen!"

"Only 'cause the cook can't handle the pace!" she answered breezily.

He laughed heartily at her. "You'll keep!" and went back to his cooking. Astrid quickly searched along the servery bar and collected her order and Hiccup's. Pushing against the small door with her hip, she forced her way through, holding their plates up high. She walked behind Hiccup sitting on the bar stool at the counter and plonked the two plates down in front of him.

"There you go, sir!" she told him cheerily. "I expect a ten dollar tip for that service!"

He laughed and placed his hand on her upper back, sliding it down lightly till it rested firmly on her waist. "Thank you m'lady!" he told her with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Ten dollar tip? Bit steep isn't it?" he queried, lifting an eyebrow.

She placed her hand on his shoulder and twirled his longish auburn hair between her fingers, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Oh, the service doesn't stop here," she breathed suggestively. She was very pleased to see him blush and squirm in his seat, his hand gripping her waist a little firmer.

She stood up straighter and gave his shoulder a shove, "Now eat your food like a good boy," she commanded, giving him a wink. His hand left her waist as he mock saluted her, "Yes ma'am!"

But before Astrid had a chance to sit down on the seat beside him to eat her own burger, a tap on her shoulder caused her to turn around. She was immediately confronted with an oversized, pot-bellied, tattooed biker with a leather vest and a lecherous grin. (Not stereotyping or anything.) "Hey honey," he growled. "How about you leave that loser and come over here with a real man! I'll show you what a good time really is," he declared, attempting to slide his thick arm around her waist.

Hiccup immediately started to rise, his face black as thunder but Astrid pushed him straight back down. "I've got this," she told him firmly. He sat back down but his heavy frown remained.

Turning to face her unwanted admirer, Astrid gave him a sickly sweet smile. "Oh sugar, you want a good time?" she questioned, her hand deftly removing his arm from her waist, and taking a hold of his fingers.

"Yeah!" he said eagerly, focusing on the dazzling blonde before him.

"But I was already with my _friend_ here," she pouted at him, pointing to Hiccup.

The biker waved his hand to dismiss Hiccup who frowned more. "He doesn't matter. He's only a stick. I can take him out anytime. You need a _real_ man! Like me," he boasted.

"Oh? Is that so?" said the blonde with a thin dangerous smile. That should have been his first warning.

"What any help, babe?" asked Hiccup.

"Nah! Let me have my fun first," she reassured him.

She suddenly gripped the man's fingers and bent them backwards, causing him to howl in pain and lean forward. As he did, she brought up her knee to smash in his groin, making him drop to his knees gasping in shock.

"Now?" questioned Hiccup.

"Yeah, okay. You can have a go too," she said, stepping back from her handiwork.

Hiccup quickly followed up with a rock hard punch to the man's jaw, sending him crashing backwards to the ground. He leaned over and growled at the man, "Don't you _ever_ think to touch my girlfriend like that again! Next time you won't be so lucky," he spat.

The young couple fist bumped before turning to resume their seats. Al was right behind them, picking up the downed man by his vest and dragging him out of the restaurant. He dumped him outside with a warning to never set foot through their doors again. The man groaned and dragged himself away as Al came back in and grinned at his two favourite customers. "Nice teamwork! You sure you're not getting married soon?" Both blushed as they high-fived him. "You'll be the first to know," promised Hiccup with a grin.

The young couple settled in to their seats when Astrid leaned over to whisper in his ear, "I love it when you go Commando on me," she giggled.

"What? Cause no one expects a walking fishbone to pack a punch?" he teased.

She ran a hand appreciatively down his shoulder, giving his bicep a squeeze. "Oh no! You're no fishbone…and you certainly can pack a punch," she raised an eyebrow at him playfully.

He blushed again, and turned back to his burger.

They had almost finished by the time Snotlout walked in through the door. Snot was a short, muscular man with jet black hair under his black cowboy hat. He wore black jeans with his favourite jacket over one of his ridiculous t-shirts that he liked to collect. Today's version read "Truckers have more fun." Which could maybe be true.

"Hey Sheila! Did you know there's some bloke crawling around outside?" he yelled.

Sheila bustled over, pushing loose hair out of her face. "Yeah, I know. That was the handiwork of your H-team here," she indicated towards Hiccup and Astrid.

"Aww man! Did they beat up somebody again? And I missed it?" he complained.

"Yes you did. Now, would you like your regular order?" she asked him, pencil and notebook in hand.

"Yeah, that would be great. With a side order of Oo la la…How fabulous are you looking today babe," he flirted and winked at the waitress.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm old enough to be your mother. Now sit down and wait for your food and see if you can keep your hands to yourself while you're waiting."

Astrid and Hiccup snorted into their food as Snotlout turned beetroot red and sat down.

"Everyone's a critic," he mumbled.

 **Always up for suggestions on how to improve. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here we go again...**

Snotlout had just started on his burger by the time the twins walked in the door of the Diner, followed closely by Fishlegs. Twins Ruff and Tuff were tall and thin, with long blonde hair. But where Tuff wore his as dreadlocks, Ruff chose several long braids as her hairstyle. Fishlegs was the tallest of the group and the widest. His broad chest and meaty arms made him look more like a nightclub bouncer, although he was actually by far the most timid of the group. Go figure...

"HEY SUBJECTS! Your miserable lives are worth living...I'm here now!" Tuff broadcasted to his three unsuspecting friends, throwing his arms wide into the air.

"Oh good...that means it's safe for us to go now," responded Astrid dryly, getting up.

"Oo, I wouldn't go that far," smirked Ruff, as the group moved to a table. "It might be safer to keep us in your line of sight at all times!"

Snotlout snorted. "Ain't that the truth!"

Hiccup narrowed his eyes. "What have you two been up to?"

"Let's just say, you're better off not knowing!"

"Fishlegs, have you got anything to add to this discussion?" queried Hiccup.

"Me? Why are you picking on me? I only just got here!" the larger man stammered.

"You got here the same time as them," pointed out Snotlout.

"Hmm...you know something, don't you?" stated Astrid, observing the sweating Fishlegs thoughtfully.

"N...No...why would I know anything? I didn't see what they were doing...nope...not at all!" he stuttered fearfully, his eyes wide open and his fingers nervously drumming on the table.

"Really?" Hiccup deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest, daring Fishlegs to meet him squarely in the eye. Fishlegs squirmed and dropped his gaze to his suddenly fascinating fingernails.

"Fishlegs..." Hiccup warned in a low tone.

"All right!" burst out Fishlegs suddenly, cracking under the pressure. "I...I may or may not have accidentally been involved in distracting a certain police officer while his car was involved in a hit and run duct tape incident," he said rapidly, causing Hiccup's eyebrows to raise straight up.

"Hit and run duct tape incident?" he questioned, while Astrid rolled her eyes beside him and Snotlout laughed.

"They taped his car to a tree!" **(1)** admitted Fishlegs, as the 'they' in question, grinned proudly at their feat.

"Then ran."

"How do you duct tape a car to a tree?" Hiccup asked the twins in disbelief.

"With a lot of duct tape, of course!" stated Tuff as if that was the most obvious answer.

"Of course!" said Hiccup, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. "You and your duct tape," he sighed. "Don't you ever go anywhere without it?"

"Nup! Got it right here, all the time! Never leave home without it!" he announced proudly, affectionately patting the roll he had attached to the side of his belt. He pulled it off and placed it on the table.

"Yeah...'cause you never know when you need a roll or ten," agreed Ruff.

"How much of that stuff do you have?" asked Astrid, astonished.

"Put it this way...it's a good thing we drive a truck!" Ruff smirked.

"You keep all that in your truck? What else do you keep in there?" asked Astrid in bewilderment. "In fact, has anyone ever actually _seen_ inside your truck?" she wondered.

"Yes, I have...unfortunately," replied Hiccup with a shudder. "Not an exercise I care to repeat. It's a life altering experience," he said as his voice trailed off, a haunted look on his face as he relived things he rather hoped he'd never see again.

Astrid stared at her boyfriend in concern as Tuff ignored them both. "Good ole duct tape," he sighed wistfully, caressing the roll in his long fingers. "Product of a thousand uses!"

"Yeah!" agreed Ruff with enthusiasm. "Like taping up cop cars! Got a bumper falling off? Duct tape it! Need something sealed? Duct it! I even heard two men actually made a boat out of it!"

"Go on! We're not that gullible!" snorted Snotlout.

"It's true! I saw it on tv! If it's on tv, it must be true!" Tuff defended. "It even fixes romances!" he finished with a knowing wink at a certain young couple. Astrid appeared stricken while Hiccup groaned and dropped his head on the table with a thump.

"You know what I mean, H man!"

"We would have sorted it out anyway," grumbled Hiccup, his head still on the table as he reached for Astrid's hand out of sight of the others.

"But it wouldn't have been as much fun for us, would it now?" said Ruff with an evil grin.

Hiccup remembered the time in question. He and Astrid had been in the middle of a huge fight...over what he couldn't even recall now...when Ruff and Tuff took matters into their own hands, and duct taped Hiccup's right arm and leg, to Astrid's left arm and leg. They ended up looking like an over-enthusiastic team for a three legged race. The more they had fought against it, the less they had achieved, until they finally started working together. When they remembered to have fun, they were able to apologize to each other for the fight, which neither could remember by then. Eventually they freed themselves from the tape, then promptly decided to return the favour by taping Ruff and Tuff to the bull bar of their own truck and leaving them there overnight.

"Ahhh! Fun times!" sighed Tuff wistfully as Ruff chuckled.

"Yeah!" agreed the female twin, grinning. "I especially liked it when those dogs came over. One tried to hump your leg, then the other peed on you!"

"Oh, gross" said Astrid in disgust.

"Hey! Can I help it if dogs find me irresistibly attractive?" bit back Tuff to his sister.

"Only your leg!" she retorted.

"O..kay," interrupted Sheila, appearing abruptly beside their table. "This could go on all night."

"Hi Sheila!" the twins and Fishlegs chorused.

"Hi yourself," she replied with a smile. "Fishlegs! Do you want your regular?" she enquired of the big man.

"Yes, please ma'am," he told her politely. Sheila only huffed at the 'ma'am' bit, then turned her attention back to the twins.

"So...what hair-brained, stomach churning, vile concoction are you planning to eat this week?" she asked them with a heavy sigh.

Both leaned forward eagerly as Tuff sat with his elbows on the table, and drummed his fingertips together, attempting the comic version of an evil genius. "Hmm..." he pondered thoughtfully. "What sayeth thou, thine sister?" he enquired.

"Mmm...how about a lightly toasted bun, covered in peanut butter and mustard sauce...the hot stuff of course...a handful of crushed potato crisps under a slice of raw onion and garlic, along with a medium rare beef patty, slathered in anchovies and pickles and topped with melted blue cheese and tomato sauce on the top...with chips," ordered Ruff, ignoring the gagging sounds coming from around her. (I dare you to try that and not end up in the emergency department getting your stomach pumped! For real...DON'T! I can't afford the law suits.)

Sheila said nothing, only raising an eyebrow as she silently wrote the order down.

"Times two," added Tuff, as Sheila shook her head and left.

"Are you seriously going to eat that?" Fishlegs inquired.

"Yeah! A little cuisine adventure if you will," replied Tuff nonchalantly, twirling his fingers in the air.

Snotlout pushed the rest of his burger away, "I think I've lost my appetite," he groaned.

"Can I have it?" asked Tuff eagerly.

"Knock yourself out," replied Snotlout, pushing the half eaten burger towards the gangly blonde.

"Yuck!" said Astrid, recoiling in disgust. "How can you eat someone else's food?" she asked.

"Why?" replied Tuff, his mouth full of leftover burger. "You swap more spit when you kiss someone than when you eat their food."

"Ohh," groaned Astrid, placing her hand over her mouth, trying not to throw up. "Now I have a vision in my head of you kissing Snot."

"Urgh!" shuddered Hiccup as Snotlout paled. "Now we've all got that vision. Thanks for sharing," he intoned flatly to his girlfriend.

Tuff paused in his chewing to contemplate Snotlout for a moment. "I could do worse," he shrugged as he finished off the rest of the burger.

"Hey!" objected Snotlout.

Anything else he was going to say was interrupted by Sheila, as she brought the twins and Fishlegs orders to the table.

"Great! I'm starved!" declared Tuff, rubbing his hands together in glee.

His friends all stopped to stare at him. "What?" he asked, grabbing his 'cuisine adventure' and taking a bite. "Mmm...good!" he murmured, his eyes closed in bliss.

Ruff shrugged a shoulder as she tucked into her own. "Ngh! Needs more sauce," she added offhandedly.

" _Where_ are you putting all that food?" asked Astrid as she watched in astonishment as Tuff ploughed through his oversize burger.

"I have hollow legs," he told her, barely pausing mid chew.

"Hollow head, more like it," grunted Snotlout.

"Ahhh!" sighed Hiccup. "Where would we be without all the traditional 'you're thicker than I am' conversations," he said to Astrid sarcastically.

"Back in high school, I would imagine," intoned Sheila as she returned with their drinks, plopping them on the table with some napkins. "Honestly, are you lot ever going to grow up?" she asked, crossing her arms over her ample midriff.

Ruff looked horrified. "Why would we want to do something like that?"

"Oh, I don't know...cause you have to?...Just putting that out there..." Sheila replied.

Tuff looked up in bewilderment, "You mean like...settle down...get married...not blow stuff up and _feelings_...and all that kinda stuff?" he asked, totally confused at the prospect.

"Yeah...all that kinda stuff," Sheila agreed.

"Oh, the horror!" shuddered Ruff as Tuff put the remains of his burger on its plate, suddenly pale.

"Sheila...I think you've just done the impossible...make Tuff loose his appetite," said Hiccup in admiration, as he studied Tuff's suddenly frozen expression.

Sheila laughed and flapped her apron at him. "Oh posh...he'll have that polished off in the next five minutes...just wait for the next wave to wash over him."

So the rest of the crew watched him, and sure enough, his slack jawed features suddenly came back to life, and he picked up his burger and started eating again, as if he had never been interrupted.

"What?" he mumbled over a mouthful of raw onion.

"Well...that was...brief," said Hiccup, raising an eyebrow.

"How did you know he was going to do that?" quizzed Fishlegs.

Sheila laughed again, "You forget...I've been watching you lot come in here for many years, now! I've seen all of it," she told them knowingly.

"Remind me never to get on your bad side," murmured Hiccup.

Sheila only smacked him across his shoulder, but she was smiling as she did so.

"So, I guess you lot are heading up to The Edge, huh?" she queried to the group.

"The Edge?" asked Hiccup, suddenly alert. "It's not open for another three weeks, isn't it?"

The Edge was the commonly used name for The Edge Trucking Company, located in a small town called Ravens Point. It only came to life for about six weeks of every year, when the waters between it and the outlying mining communities froze over enough to allow transport of vital equipment **(2)** and supplies to be ferried across by truck. Every year, a select few truckies would be chosen to shift the valuable cargo, earning big dollars in the process. But there was a catch...you had to get there first. So it was always a race to get there in time to be chosen.

"No," stated Sheila slowly, surprised they didn't know. "It opens in four days' time. The colder weather set in earlier than normal this year."

"Four days!" exclaimed Hiccup with a low whistle.

"But we'd have to leave today, if we want to get there in time," said Fishlegs, frowning as he calculated the distance that needed to be travelled, and how long it would take to drive it. "Plus, I've still got my load of rocks to deliver today."

"Yeah, and we've got fuel to drop off at the next stop," said Ruff in a slight panic.

"Well, I'm empty," said Hiccup. "What about you two?" he asked Astrid and Snotlout.

"No, I'm good to go," nodded Astrid.

"Same here," agreed Snotlout. "I delivered my last load this morning."

"So," stalled Hiccup, placing both hands flat on the table, and glancing around at his friends. "It looks like as soon as the twins and Fishlegs have delivered their loads, then we're all available to try for The Edge."

The others said nothing, as they all tensed in expectation, staring silently at each other.

The pressure was quickly broken by Snotlout. " _First one to the Edge, gets the big money!_ " he yelled, before leaping out of his chair and heading for the door. Sheila hastily stepped out of the way, as the others jostled each other to stand up, their chairs scraping along the lino, before they rushed for the door and their trucks. Snotlout managed to get out first, but the five following collided with the door and each other, as they all attempted to get through first. "Oof!"

Sheila stood staring at she watched the six friends race each other to their trucks, confusion mounting as she observed them scurrying over the parking lot, pinging around the carpark like balls in a pinball machine.

"Okay...maybe _now_ I've seen everything," she muttered as she shook her head at the scene. She turned back to the table where the group had been sitting, and sighed heavily as she took note of the upturned chairs spread across the floor, and the leftover scraps on the table.

"Left to clean up after them again!"

 **Just in case I need to clarify myself.**

 **(1) This was on an episode of mythbusters, although with the duct tape boat. Totally bizarre!**

 **(2) 'Ice truckers' reference. I obviously watch too much tv.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Back again! Thank you for the nice reviews! Glad you're enjoying it. I don't know a great deal about trucks or the lingo their drivers use, so I will be happy to change any errors. I downloaded the first two chapters without corrections or notes, oops! So I had to go back and fix that for any of the early readers. Think I've got the hang of it now...**

Snotlout escaped through the doors of the diner first, making a rude gesture to the others as he ran, but he didn't head straight for his own truck.

Hiccup was spat out of the door next, and he noticed with narrowed eyes, that Snotlout was running away from Astrid's 'Stormfly'. He decided to follow him, and cautiously hid behind other vehicles in the car park as he chased Snotlout. As the two men drew closer to 'Hookfang', Hiccup could hear Snotlout cursing as he found that the twins had already targeted his truck, with mud, grease and paint smeared all over his front windscreen. Well, that just made Snotlout's day...NOT!

Hiccup sniggered to himself as he ducked under 'Hookfang' to where the airbrakes were located. He pulled the convenient multi-tool out of his pocket and flicked out the knife blade. Before he could do anything more, he...and everyone else at the diner...heard a tremendous roar, "SNOTLOUT! YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

Hiccup grinned and wondered what Snotlout had done to 'Stormfly' to make Astrid yell like that. He could almost hear Snot's skin go pale as the man above cursed the twins again, and hurriedly wiped a section of glass to allow him to see enough through the windscreen to get the heck out of there.

The cab door slammed, and Hiccup quickly cut a small, precise nick in the airbrake line, one that wouldn't be noticed for a while yet. He raced out from under the truck, making sure he stayed hidden as Snotlout drove out from the carpark. Hiccup didn't waste any time seeing him off, as he raced towards his girlfriend.

The twins and Fishlegs were already gearing up to leave by the time he reached her. He found Astrid stomping around 'Stormfly' looking for something. He would also have to be a brainless idiot to not recognize she was a tad upset about a certain black haired man, who had dared to sabotage her beautiful blue and green truck.

"That low-down, beardsplitter, half-troll, nit picking, flea bitten, rat munching son of a fatherless goat! When I catch up with him, I'll separate his baboon butt of a face from his shoulders! He'd better be sleeping with one eye open cause I'm coming for him!" she muttered angrily. She was more ticked off than an automatic sprinkler on a hot summer's day.

"Don't be shy, Astrid," Hiccup said drily as he approached cautiously. "Tell me how you really feel!"

She glared up at him and pointed to her door. "Look what that flippin' shazbutt did to my 'Stormfly'!" she yelled.

Hiccup turned his attention to the door, but it took a moment to notice the problem. Snotlout had jammed a small green stick into both of the keyholes so tightly, it was going to require time, patience, and tools to remove it...hopefully. All of which Astrid did not have.

He pulled his multi-tool from his back pocket for the second time in five minutes, and selected the plier mode. He leaned on the step up as he carefully gripped the tiny bit of stick still poking out. It took a fair bit of concentration and time as the stick shredded itself in the keyhole, but finally he managed to pull it out while Astrid continued to pace backwards and forwards, throwing out more curses than a sailor's convention.

"I know _my_ ears are burning," he told her as he jumped off the truck and she quickly took his place to see if her key would still fit in the lock. "I'm sure Snotlout's ears must be about to explode!" he said, as she fitted her key neatly into the slot and turned it.

"Yess!" she cried, turning back to hug him tightly.

"You're welcome, m'lady!" he grinned as she released him, and shot inside her truck.

-oOo-

Snotlout puffed and panted in exertion as he finished replacing the split brake airline hose with a spare. He glanced down the road nervously. He'd had the misfortune for his emergency brakes to come on while he was driving through the tight turns of the Sea Stacks. Why they were called that when the sea wasn't anywhere near there, was beyond anyone's imagination...except for the person who named them of course.

The problem was, that he had a very irate Astrid Hofferson chasing him down, and he did NOT want to be caught like a rabbit in a snare in that tight spot. He'd been listening to the CB radio, and knew that Astrid and Hiccup were closing in fast. He had to get out of there if he valued all his extremities... _now_!

He went to get into the cab, when he heard something that nearly turned his hair white in fright. (Think Jack Frost) A truck horn blaring in the distance, plus static on the radio.

"Ten-niner Stormfly. What's your twenty?"

"I'm almost to the Sea Stacks, Night Fury. What's yours?"

"You're in my line of vision, Stormfly. I'll be on your tail faster than you can say 'Hot buttered Gronkle'."

"Why would I want to say that?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Do you even exist on this planet? I swear you live in some alternate universe and you've dropped into this one to amuse yourself by confounding us mere mortals."

"Ha Ha Stormfly. Very droll. Now my secret's out, you know I'll have to kill you, right?"

"Yeah right! I'd like to see you try...Plus if you did, you'd be stuck with Hookfang and the Zippleback Twins. Ya sure you wanna risk it?"

"What about Meatlug? I could hang with him."

"Okay...let's put it this way. Can you remember what I'm wearing today?"

"How could I not? Those barely-cover-the-goods shorts and that sleeveless top that highlighted everything else?"

"That's the one. Now take those clothes off me...and put them on Meatlug..."

There was a pause over the radio as Snotlout tried hard not to go green at the images dancing in his head. He pulled out on the road, willing his truck to build up momentum.

"That was very...disturbing, Stormfly. And NOT something to be attempted while driving. I don't know whether to daydream or hurl! But you got your wish...I think I'll keep you around."

"Stormfly?"

"Come in, Stormfly?"

" _Stormfly_! Oh shitake mushrooms and thundering dragon eggs! Anyone out there, we've got a ten-thirty three **(emergency)** at the Sea Stacks, Stormfly's greasy side up in the ditch. Any eighteen wheelers approaching, back 'em down, back 'em down. I'm pulling over to check her out. I repeat, we've got a ten-thirty-three at the Sea Stacks," Hiccup called out desperately, as he hurriedly pulled his rig off the road.

Opposite him, Stormfly lay on her side, crumpled and forlorn in the ditch, where she had crashed, the steam still rising from the engine now visible under the ripped and distorted hood and side panel. Hiccup raced around to the other side looking for Astrid. What he saw, made him pause for a moment, as his breath caught in his throat.

The windscreen had cracked but was not broken, so the only way out was through the side door, or rather...the top door. Inside the cabin he could clearly see a highly agitated blonde woman struggling to climb over the seats... after first grabbing her travel bag... before attempting to push the heavy door upwards to escape.

Hiccup had been frozen to the spot as he watched all this, his heart thudding dangerously close to his throat as he adjusted to the fact that Astrid had survived the crash, and was safe. Although _he_ might not be, judging by the glares she was shooting at him as she yelled something unintelligible at him through the glass. He couldn't hear her, but he was sure his ears would be ringing if he could. But the message was loud and clear, ' _Get your butt over here and help me NOW!'_

Hiccup put his feet (foot?) into gear and headed to the truck, clambering ungraciously over the slippery metal. Yanking open the heavy door, he leaned on it to keep it there as he extended a hand to help his girlfriend out, but she angrily pushed his hand away and climbed out, throwing her bag over the side first.

It didn't take long before both were back on solid ground, where Hiccup decided discretion was the better part of valour and he stepped back from the _very_ angry blonde, formerly known as Astrid, as she paced backwards and forwards furiously throwing her hands into the air as she told him in extremely colourful language what had happened.

As she talked and walked, he idly wondered how far away he would need to be to stay safe if she spontaneously combusted. Her face was so red, he thought she might burst a foo foo valve. Finally he stepped in, "Let me get this straight...you came round the last tight bend, only to find another truck on the road in front of you, and when you tried to avoid hitting it, you ended up in the ditch instead."

She stopped pacing to glare at him, "Isn't that what I just said?"

He eyed her calmly, "With a lot more descriptive words that I had to filter out first."

Astrid only rolled her eyes at him, "Whatever! And he didn't even stop! I know it was Snotlout! I'd recognize that hairy butt anywhere!"

Hiccup shuddered, "First of all...urgh! Another image I could have done without. Second of all...are you okay?"

She stopped to check herself over. Apart from a few scratches and bruises, she was unharmed. Which was more than what could be said about Snotlout when she caught up with him.

"Yeah, I'll live," she decided.

"Good." And with that he stepped forward and hugged her tight. She hugged him back and he felt her relax a little. Mentally he breathed out a sigh of relief that she wasn't about to explode all over him. That would have been messy. Plus he wasn't sure how he would explain to the Hofferson's how he came to have bits of Astrid sticking out all over him.

He let her go to phone his father and arrange for a tow truck to collect Stormfly, while Astrid climbed into his truck with her bag. She yelled at him through the open door, "Hiccup! Let's move it! Daylight's wasting, here!"

Hiccup hurriedly jumped in behind the wheel, and they were soon off.

But so was Astrid...

Hiccup listened as Astrid vented once again about which parts of Snotlout she was going to remove first, and where she was going to stick them, perversely glad it wasn't _him_ she was talking about!

They had progressed much further down the road, when she finally drew breath. Hiccup saw his chance and dived in headlong.

"So Astrid...I get that you're obviously mad with Snotlout. I mean...who wouldn't be?" he asked tentatively.

She scowled and opened her mouth, but he cut her off again, "But I need to ask you this before you explode all over my truck..."

She shook her head in agitated confusion, " _What?"_

"Oops! Did I say that out loud? Never mind that...another time and all...what I _really_ wanted to say was this...Do you want to get mad? Or do you want to get even?"

She stopped and eyed him speculatively for a few moments, trying to read where he was going with this. But finally, a malicious grin appeared. "I want to get even," she told him in a low tone, indicating she meant business.

He glanced at her before directing his attention back to the road. "Then how about this, you team up with me, and together we will win this race...and get even with Snotlout at the same time," he told her with a wicked grin.

"Sounds like a plan. But how are we going to catch up? We're so far behind at the moment, I doubt even your tricks and speed will allow us to catch up," she told him, her shoulders starting to droop in defeat.

"That's not quite true," he told her, glancing over to her again. "The twins and Fish still have to drop off their loads, and that will take some time. Snotlout's not that far in front of us, and we didn't take too long to get you out of Stormfly and back on the road. So, I reckon by late this afternoon, we will be a lot closer to them," he said confidently.

"But still not close enough to get past them," she told him forlornly. "We'd have to put the pedal to the metal to catch up."

He laughed, and she turned to him, surprised. "What?"

"What if I told you we don't have to speed or pull any fancy manoeuvers to get past them?" he asked, with a twinkle in his eye, baiting her.

She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. " _How..._ are you going to do that? You got a magical pixie hidden under your armpit that I don't know about?"

He laughed again, "Damn! I hoped you wouldn't find out!" he pretended to mutter. "And you better not go searching for my mystical genie either, or the cat will _really_ be out of the bag!"

Astrid only rolled her eyes and snorted at him. "Yeah...whatever! I was only waiting for Toothless to sprout wings and _fly_ us to The Edge," she deadpanned at him.

"You see through all my guises," he complained light-heartedly. "How's a man to impress his girlfriend, when she already knows it all?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, sure there was an insult in there somewhere, but decided not to call him on it. "He needs to pull something special out, and not out of his backside either!" she warned him.

He smirked at her in delight, "I promise you, Astrid...we will be in front of them all by tonight...with no sleight of hand, tricks or speeding involved."

"Yeah, right! Pull the other one, it plays jingle bells!"

"Ahh! Such faith and trust in her lover! What a noble woman is she!"

Astrid blushed and threw her hands in the air, "Okay! So you think we'll be in front by tonight? Are you confident enough to indulge in a little wager?" she asked.

He turned to her thoughtfully, "Hmm...what did you have in mind?" he asked, intrigued.

She tapped her chin with her finger as she thought. "What about...the loser has to do whatever the winner wants them to do...within reason of course," she added hastily as she noticed Hiccup's eyes light up.

"Loser has to do whatever the winner tells them to do?" he queried.

"Within reason," she agreed.

"Okay, I can live with that," he nodded. "What are the stakes?"

"Uh...give me a moment. How about you go first?"

"Oh...alright...Let me think about this. What would I get the mighty Astrid Hofferson to do for me WHEN I win?"

"In your dreams maybe!" she snorted at his overconfidence.

"Well, it's certainly safer there," he admitted wryly as her eyes nearly bulged out of her head.

"Excuse me?" she asked in disbelief.

"N...nothing!" he stammered, before contemplating again what his 'reward' would be.

"Okay...how about this. You have to get one of those ribbon twirling stick thingies..."

"Such finesse with the English language there," she murmured. He ignored her.

"...and you have to dance around in front of me and sing my praises!" he tells her in triumph, smacking the steering wheel in anticipation.

Astrid merely raised an eyebrow in disbelief and snorted.

"Oh, this is rich! You want me to dance?"

"Yup!"

"And sing your praises..."

"Yup again!"

"While twirling a ribbon stick thingy..."

"Right on the money!" he nodded, gloating.

"And I suppose this has to be done in front of the gang?" she asked, expecting a certain answer. He surprised her with his response.

Hiccup shook his head vehemently. "Heck no! I don't want them knowing my secrets! No sense in giving the game away unnecessarily!"

She raised an eyebrow at him, "What about me? Aren't you worried I'll let 'slip' your little tricks?"

He was smug, as he cast a knowing glance in her direction, "I _know_ you won't let anything 'accidentally' slide," he told her.

"Very sure of yourself, there."

"Yes!" He leaned towards her slightly, while keeping his eyes on the road. "You forget...I know too much."

She gave him an exasperated ' _really?'_ look. "Is this your version of blackmail?"

He shook his head, "No way! I would never stoop so low as to blackmail my beautiful girlfriend! Besides, you have too much on me as well. I meant that we work much better when we're together...and we're much more lethal!" he grinned.

She smirked as she nodded. "No arguments here! Alright...I was never going to spill anything, anyway!" she admitted.

The corner of his mouth twitched, as he glanced back towards her. "Okay...what's your plan for me if I lose...Although I won't, so this is strictly not necessary..." Astrid frowned at him. "...but to give you some hope...I'll let you decide whatever you want for me."

"You need to be taken down a peg or two, Hiccup Haddock," she warned. He merely twitched an eyebrow in a way that she was beginning to find irritating. "If you step even a notch over the speed limit, you will have to answer to _me,_ " she told him forcefully.

"Fine...I'll drive five k's _under_ the speed limit," he assured her.

She shook her head slowly at his cockiness, but said nothing about it. Instead, she frowned in thought, until her eyes lit up with an idea. "Oh, I know! At dinner tonight...after you've lost..."

"...after I've won..." he interrupted.

"Not likely!...You will provide a delicious meal for me. Then I want to see you on your hands and knees, grovelling at my feet for my forgiveness, while I sit on you and enjoy the meal," she told him with an evil glint in her eye.

He rolled his eyes at her and snorted. "Confident, are we? Still doubting my skills, are we? Well, I hope you remember your dancing lessons, 'cause you're gonna need them tonight! You have been warned. Proceed with caution!" he warned her with a laugh.

She shook her head again, "There is no way you can possibly beat all the other riders by tonight, when it's already well into the afternoon, and they are a loooong way ahead," she told him firmly, crossing her arms.

In answer, Hiccup lifted his hand and twirled it in the air, while he pretended to talk like a circus ringmaster. "Be dazzled and amazed, as you watch the Master of Deception, the Leader of Deceit, Hiccup Haddock the Amazing..."

Astrid harrumphed at that.

"...perform the unbelievable, the improbable...the _impossible_...by defeating the other Dragon Riders with what acts of devilishly fascinating tricks of speed, and agility?... Why, nothing of course!"

She rolled her eyes as he turned and leaned towards her, keeping up his 'ringmaster' voice.

"Nothing, you say? A snowball's chance in hell of winning, you say? Well, you had better stay tuned and watch closely, young Astrid, as you observe a miracle happen before your very eyes, and you will be left gasping in shock and disbelief as it all unfolds just as the trustworthy and humble..." he turned and batted his eyelids at her as she covered her mouth and tried to hide a giggle under a snort.

"...not to mention extremely attractive..." Astrid t'sked and rolled her head away from him as she gave an exasperated sigh, completely ignoring the wriggling eyebrows he directed at her.

"...Hiccup the Third..."

"Third what? Third lunatic!" she mumbled snidely.

"...accomplishes what he has set out to do...finish in the lead of the Dragon Riders by tonight, without a single trick driving manoeuver!" he completed his spiel with a flourish, rolling his hand at her and bowing to the side.

She gave him a level look. "We will see...We...will...see."

 **Wasn't supposed to finish here, but got a little long. Next chapter, some chaos created!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hope the action lives up to the hype that Hiccup created in the last chapter!**

Later on that afternoon, just as Hiccup had predicted, the gap between them and the others had lessened, enough for Hiccup to reach them over the airwaves on his CB.

"Breaker, breaker, one-niner. This is Night Fury. Have any of the dragon riders got there listening ears on? Repeat, any dragon riders able to receive me? Over," asked Hiccup into his CB handset.

"Coming in loud and proud," confirmed Fishlegs.

The twins were next, "Wall to wall and treetop tall," they told him, confirming they could hear him just fine.

"Big ten-four," grunted Snotlout briefly. "Are you flying solo? Over," he questioned cautiously.

Hiccup glanced over at Astrid and gave her a roguish grin.

"Negative, Hookfang. I've got Stormfly with me, and she's none too pleased with you right now. She's got more spitfire than a bag full of wildcats and her claws are being sharpened just for you. I don't envy being in your shoes right now. Over," he told Snotlout brusquely.

Tuff cut in, "Zippleback twins joining the party line. Can you give me a ten-nine on that last broadcast? I thought you said Hookfang was in deep do do. Again. Over," he sniggered over the airwaves.

Hiccup couldn't keep the smile off his dial. "Affirmative, Barf and Belch. You heard right. Hookfang pulled a little stunt that cost Stormfly her ride. She's teaming up with me, right now. For the record, she's fine. Just mad. But we're warning you, we're on your tails and will catch up faster than you can say 'Zany Zipplebacks zealously zipping through the air'. Over."

Astrid raised an eyebrow and fixed Hiccup with a level glare, "What was that? And where do you come up with these things?"

Hiccup turned his laughing green eyes on her, "I pull them out of my hat, m'lady." When she raised the other eyebrow, he chuckled. "It's a very deep hat. I haven't scraped the bottom yet."

"That's debatable," she murmured, turning to face forward.

Ruff's cackle was unmistakable over the CB. "When are you gonna catch us Night Fury? Cause we wanna see some fireworks when Stormfly lights up the night sky with Snotlout."

The man himself interrupted, "Uh, NO...we don't! I'll pay for the damage, Stormfly. Did you bust a fender?" he asked hopefully.

Astrid snatched the mic from Hiccup. "Hey!" he protested, trying to grab it back.

"My turn," she told him in determination, keeping a firm hold on it. He gave up and indicated with a wave of his hand towards the handset, _'be my guest.'_

"Just keep the insults down to a PG rating. We are on communal airwaves after all," he reminded her.

She ignored him. "Stormfly has had her face ripped off and she's lying sideways in a ditch as we speak, _Snotface!_ I hope your insurance is paid up in full, 'cause I _will_ be making a claim on it. Either that or I will be forced to remove your skin from your body and use it as a flag on Night Fury's aerial," she told him heatedly.

Hiccup turned to her sharply, "You are NOT flying Snot's skin from my aerial!" he told her in disgust. "Nobody knows where he's been!"

She only harrumphed at him, as Snotlout's frightened voice came quickly over the radio, "Uhh...my insurance is paid up! In full! It's paid up, alright? I'd like to keep my skin...please?"

Before Astrid could respond, the twins came back on, " _Nooo!_ Don't do it, Astrid! Don't take the money! Take his skin instead! And when you're finished with it, can we fly it from our aerial? Over!"

Hiccup had to laugh as Snotlout's voice burst over the radio, "I'm keeping my skin! You can put your own skin on your aerial. Leave mine alone! Over."

Tuff came on, "Yeah! I'll hang Ruff's skin on it first! But then I'll have to look at all her insides. That would be scary! I could frighten myself every time I looked at her! Cool! What about Meatlug's skin? There's so much of him, he might block out the sun!"

Fishleg's indignant voice was heard next, "How about everyone keep their _own_ skin on, and Snotlout just pay the insurance?"

Even Astrid had to laugh, as she handed the mic back to Hiccup. "Good plan, Fishlegs! Sorry twins! Looks like nobody will be skinned today! Over."

"Awww!" came back the dual response. "You're no fun, when you put your daddy face on," they pouted.

"Yeah, _dad!_ " agreed Astrid, as he poked his tongue out at her. "Where's the fun in that?"

Hiccup's smile stretched right across his face. "You just reminded me...we're here for business. Let's get this show on the road!" He picked up the mic again.

"Sorry kids! Daddy's got to go to work! We've got a race to win, remember? And I, for one...well, make that two now. I've got Astrid with me...intend to pull out all the stops. Berserker town is up ahead, and as you all know, Sheriff Dagur... a.k.a 'Red Death'... has it in for me. I've heard he's on a log book vendetta at the moment."

Astrid looked startled at this news.

"Blast that Red Death! He's bad news!" scowled Snotlout.

"Yeah, I know! So I'll be heading down _Bog_ Street for a little known short cut that will get me past him and give me the lead. It sure is the fastest way past ole Red Death. Sometimes I forget where to turn off and I have to remind myself that _Bog_ Street is the turnoff I need. At least, I think it's _Bog_ Street. I don't always get it right. Over."

Hiccup was emphasizing the name of the street, and Astrid turned to watch him curiously, wondering what he was doing.

"How will you know if you have the right one? Over," questioned Fishlegs.

"Well, there's a large rock further in, so when I reach it, I know to turn _left,_ to get me in the right direction. If I go the wrong way, I end up at a dead-end, so it's important I turn _left_ at the large rock. _Left_ is the only way to go."

Astrid choked back a laugh as she realised what he was up to. He frowned at her, his mouth twitching, as the twins came on, "What was that noise? Over."

Hiccup told them with a straight face, "That was Stormfly. She just found out I only have regular soda, and not diet. She's threatening to hurl it at my head."

Tuff laughed, "I can see it now! Tomorrow's headlines, 'Famous truck driver downed by soda wielding girlfriend!' Over."

"Yeah, I'll have to rectify that problem quickly by getting through my short cut. The _straight_ section is the quickest part. As long as I'm on the _straight_ section I'll get through to the shops, and she can have all the _straight_ diet soda she wants!"

Astrid snorted, and Hiccup swiftly swapped the radio mic into the other hand while he held onto the wheel, and stuck out his free hand to clamp over her mouth.

Ruff spoke up, "Stormfly? Are you still throwing cans? Over."

"Nah!" said Hiccup as he jerked his hand back when Astrid bit him, shaking it slightly before wiping in on his jeans, giving her a glare. "She found the spare undies in my glove box. I mean, what's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong with spare undies in the glove box," said Fishlegs very seriously. "You never know when you might need to grab a pair in a hurry. Over."

Snotlout gave an obnoxious laugh, "Sounds like Astrid is moving in on you, man! Watch out! She'll want to put up pink curtains, next! Over."

Hiccup turned to his girlfriend with an impish grin, as she mouthed at him ' _Don't you dare!'_ He mouthed back, ' _Watch me!'_

"Funny you should say that, Hookfang...Oops! Looks like we might have to pull over. Someone has a need to squirt the dirt! Argh!" Hiccup was rudely interrupted as Astrid smacked into his shoulder with both hands and he had to fend her off while still driving. She stopped and sat back in her seat, fuming and embarrassed as Hiccup laughed outright at her.

"Sorry about that guys. That was need to know information...and you didn't need to know! I have to pull over and grovel! We'll catch you later! Over."

"Copy that, Night Fury. Over."

"Yeah! Have fun grovelling! Over."

Hiccup sat back in his seat and chuckled to himself, chancing a sidelong glance at his flushed girlfriend.

"What. Was. That?" she demanded.

"Keeping them all distracted!" he told her easily. "All part of my master plan!"

She stared fixedly at him for a few moments. "There is no Bog Street, is there?" she asked, cooling down. "You're leading them on a wild goose chase, aren't you?"

He looked over at her with mock seriousness. "Wild geese are very good at finding their way home, I'll have you know!" he told her. "They don't get lost. And yes...Bog Street is real. It definitely leads to...somewhere," he told her as he tried to hold back a chuckle, his cheeks twitching furiously.

"Somewhere I'm sure they won't want to be," she decided. "Is this your plan? To get them lost?"

"A master magician never reveals his tricks! You will see as it all unfolds," he told her vaguely.

She didn't have to wait long.

"Breaker one-niner. Toothless? Are you still on air? Over," asked Snotlout tentatively.

Only radio silence greeted him, as Hiccup indicated to the CB. "Let the show begin!"

"Hey Hookfang. I think he's off air. Over," said Tuff.

"Good! I've been thinking about that shortcut. There's no reason why we can't use it as well. I'm looking for Bog Street and getting past you losers!" boasted Snotlout.

"You're too late, Snotman! We've already found it and on our way! See you on the flip side!" taunted Ruff.

"No, you don't," growled Snotlout. "I see you turning. I'm right behind you."

"Meatlug! You coming?" challenged Ruff.

There was a pause. "Okay," Fishlegs replied in a small voice. He always managed to get sucked into their schemes, even against his better judgement. This was one of those times. "I can see Hookfang in front. I'll be at your backdoor soon. Over," he finished.

"It _was_ Bog Street, wasn't it?" asked Ruff, driving their rig in front of the impromptu convoy.

"Affirmative...At least I think so," came back Fishlegs.

"Didn't we need to look for a rock? Over," asked Snotlout.

"Yeah! We see one up ahead," said Tuff, taking the mic from his sister.

"Turn right...no...left...at the rock," hesitated Snotlout.

"We can't turn right, there is only left," replied Ruff.

"But he said turn left at the rock. Over," Fishlegs informed them.

"THERE IS NO RIGHT, dudes! We can only turn left," yelled Tuff.

"Maybe there's another rock further down," suggested Fishlegs.

"Okay. We'll keep looking till we hit another rock," said Tuff.

"DON'T hit the rock!" yelled Snotlout. "Turn LEFT!"

At this point, Hiccup was having a hard time keeping his rig on the road, as he cracked up laughing hysterically at how quickly chaos had been created amongst the other riders. Astrid wasn't much better off as she howled along with him, hugging herself tightly.

"It's going to get better," he managed to splutter to her.

"You are such an evil man," she choked out before laughing again.

They listened in again, as the twins became confused.

"Dudes! Didn't he say something about a straight bit? Over," Tuff asked, totally perplexed.

"No, he was talking about soda...I think," came back Snotlout.

Ruff's voice crackled over the radio, "He was talking about Astrid. She wanted diet soda, not regular. Over."

"I don't CARE about the soda...did he or did he not say something about being on a straight road?...OVER," roared Snotlout.

"Umm...yes?" whispered Fishlegs.

"What? Galloping gremlins, Meatlug. Ten-nine that last broadcast. We can't hear you," demanded Ruff, irritated.

"YES! Okay! He said _Yes!_ " yelled Fishlegs.

"Yes to what?" demanded Tuff.

"Yes to the road being straight, for Pete's sake...Over," grumbled Fishlegs.

"What has Pete got to do with it? Do we have to pick him up?" asked Tuff.

"NO!" shouted Snotlout. "Umm...I forgot what the question was," he admitted.

"I can't remember either, but we're on a straight stretch of road, just like Hiccup told us," said Ruff.

Astrid face palmed, while Hiccup shook his head. By this stage, they had caught up to the entry of Bog Street...and drove straight past.

"Aren't we turning down there?" Astrid asked, a little baffled.

Hiccup pointed down the road in front of them, "The short cut is this way."

"But we're still on the highway," she replied, frowning in confusion.

"Exactly!"

"But what about Red Death?"

"On holidays!"

Astrid gave a huge sigh of exasperation. "You are so evil!"

He chuckled triumphantly. "You know it!"

They tuned in again to their favourite day-time soap opera, and waited for the next instalment of their regularly scheduled mayhem.

"Did Toothless say anything about a winding road?" asked Ruff.

"I thought we were still looking for a rock? Over," said Snotlout.

"No, he said turn left at the rock then go down the straight bit," came back Fishlegs patiently.

"But there was NO RIGHT, only LEFT!" yelled Tuff.

"Did there have to be a right, to turn left?" queried Fishlegs.

There was a huge pause as everyone grappled with this new thought.

"Good ole Fishlegs!" cried Hiccup as he thumped the steering wheel. "He finally figured it out!" Astrid only sighed, and shook her head.

"Sooo...if that was the rock, then the straight we were on...was correct too? Over," asked Snotlout slowly.

"Must have been," returned Fishlegs. "But why are we on the tight turns now? Over," he asked.

"Did he tell us where to go after the straight bit?" Ruff was completely stumped.

"No, cause that's when Astrid found his undies," replied Snotlout.

Tuff sniggered, "Go the undies!"

"Then they had to stop. Over," added in Fishlegs.

"That's right. He had to grovel... Been there," mused Snotlout.

Hiccup gave an amused grin to his partner, while Astrid gave a satisfied nod.

"Does that mean he didn't give us the rest of the instructions?" came Fishlegs worried voice.

There was a pause as realisation set in, that perhaps they were in here only half prepared, till Ruff broke in urgently, "Back 'em down! Back 'em down! We've reached the end of the black stuff. Back 'em down, boys!"

The frantic 'hisss' of three sets of airbrakes being pumped firmly overtook all other noise as the small convoy was suddenly confronted with a dead end.

With no way to turn around.

On a narrow winding road.

The only way out being to reverse out.

For a very looong way.

And guess who was at the backdoor with an empty flatbed?

Fishlegs.

Snotlout was very sarcastic. "Great! Just Great! We've taken a wrong turn somewhere and have to wait for Captain Slow to reverse up, to get ourselves out of this mess!" he complained.

"Hey! I'm just cautious!" Fishlegs defended himself.

"Just a fancy word for slooow," retaliated Snotlout.

"I'll get there. Just...wait," pleaded Fishlegs.

"Back it up, already, Fish," said Snot in an exasperated tone.

"I'm going, I'm going," grumbled Fishlegs, as he checked carefully in his mirrors.

Snot impatiently called over the radio, "Step it up. I'm close behind you."

"Don't you mean in front," sniggered Tuff as Ruff nonchalantly followed.

"Whatever!" blustered Snot.

Fishlegs called out desperately, "Slow down, Snot! You're going to..."

A very audible crunch could be heard over the radio.

Hiccup and Astrid stared at each other in disbelief. "Did he just..."

"Flippin' french frogs! Snotlout! You backed into me!" yelled an agitated Fishlegs.

"Yep, he did," said Hiccup, shaking his head.

"I wouldn't have if you weren't so slow," huffed Snotlout, trying to correct the situation.

"Stop! Stop! You're attached to my bullbar!" Fish said hurriedly.

"Oh, this is great! Destruction and mayhem!" said Tuff gleefully. "Loving it!"

"Don't pull away..." Fish sung out frantically, but it was obviously too late as another loud tearing noise could be heard.

"Never mind," he sighed. He thought to himself that he had better buy some crayons, 'cause he was clearly hanging with a group of pre-schoolers.

"Keep it going, boys!" crowed Ruff joyfully. "We could watch this all night!"

Hiccup turned to Astrid, "This could take a while," he predicted drily.

He was right. In fact, by the time they were far enough away to have lost radio contact, the riders were still attempting to back up, with the twins keeping a running commentary on the impatient Snot and the beleaguered Fishlegs. Of course they had front row seats as they had been able to turn around easily, due to the fact they had no trailer, having dropped off their boom wagon earlier.

The radio in Hiccup's truck was silent for a few more minutes before he finally turned towards his girlfriend.

"Do you have something to say to me? Dear Astrid?" he fished, looking smug.

"Yeah...you are the most devious..."

"Why thank you, m'lady," he interrupted.

"...Evil..." she continued.

"I think you mean talented."

"...obnoxious..."

"Sweet!"

"...annoying..."

"Endearing."

"...frustrating..."

"Tenacious is a word I prefer."

"...individual I have had the misfortune to wager a bet with!" she finished, her arms crossed. But she was more flustered than angry.

"In other words...you lost...and now you're steaming over it! I did warn you! Next time you'll know not to go up against the master!" he teased lightly.

"There won't be a next time, because I don't lose!" she huffed.

"Except for this time!" he reminded her gently. "I believe you owe me a dance, m'lady!"

"Hmmmm..."

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter. It didn't quite work out the way I originally wanted, but I'm sure the next chapter will make up for it...See you on the flip side!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for your kind reviews! It's very encouraging to read them. I've been hanging out to post this chapter! I really hope you have as much fun with it as I did...**

Later that evening, Fishlegs was giving some last minute attention to his beloved truck, Meatlug. She was the only cab-over in the Dragon Riders group, and he was quite proud of her sturdy construction and her steadfastness. He liked to keep her clean and well-polished, and today's tangle with Snotlout had created some damage to his front panels. Fishlegs grimaced at the thought. Clearly Snotlout needed more driving lessons. Fishlegs had completed some temporary repairs, but he needed to organize a more permanent solution in the near future.

After he had earlier escaped the clutches of the other three, Fishlegs had found a quiet road side truckies stop, where he had been able to enjoy a simple meal, then proceeded to his favourite hobby, cleaning Meatlug.

"We need to have you looking good, girl, now don't we?" he spoke lovingly to his rig as he polished. Surprisingly, 'she' didn't answer back.

With a final gentle caress, Fishlegs put down his cloth and prepared to hop into bed, closing the curtain that separated the cab from the sleeper. He had only managed to turn down the blanket when a sound caught his attention.

"What was that?" He paused as he listened. "Nah! Must have been the wind."

Settling his bulky frame on the side of the bed, he stopped when he heard something again.

"No, I definitely heard something that time," he said to no one in particular.

He listened carefully, sitting stock still. The noise came again, slightly louder this time.

"That sounds like moaning," he whispered, as he felt himself beginning to tremble.

"Who's..." he squeaked. He stopped and cleared his throat. "I mean...who's there?"

The moaning started again, louder than before.

"Guys? Is that you? Ha...ha...you can stop now," he called out nervously. He debated whether to peek through the curtain when a loud metallic scraping sound stopped him in his tracks.

"Nope, nuh uh, not getting out there now," he shook his head, tucking himself quickly into bed and pulling the cover over his nose, his wide open eyes the only thing to be seen.

The moaning started again, but this time in tandem.

"Go away!" Fishlegs shrieked. "I'm warning you...I've...I've got a Meatlug and I'm not afraid to use her!"

He thought he heard muffled laughter, but he was too distracted by the screeching and scratching sounds that seemed to be coming from right outside his truck!

"Who's there? Show yourself..." he yelled, trembling violently now. "Or not..." he whispered to himself.

Suddenly there was a rapid knocking on the door. Fishlegs screamed before he could stop himself.

"Go away!...please?"

The moaning seemed to have an echo this time, followed by a persistent 'rat-a-tat-tat' on the door.

Fishlegs squeaked and hid deeper under the covers.

"This is ridiculous! It's probably one of the gang trying to be funny," he chastised himself.

He sat up and leaned over to peak through the curtain.

"Hello? Can I help you?"

It was pitch black outside so he couldn't see anything beyond his windows. He shakily picked up his torch and tried to shine it through the glass only to have it reflect back at him.

"Oh great!" he muttered.

He knew he would have to either get up close to the side window to see out, or open it...and he was NOT doing that! So he forced himself to get out of bed and through the curtain, so he could get close enough to the glass to see what was outside.

He started to slide into the driver's seat when an unearthly scream sent him scampering straight back into the sleeper, pulling the curtain firmly closed behind him.

"What in the sweet blue blazes was that?" he asked frantically.

The moaning was very loud this time, combined with the metallic screeching sound, and poor Fishlegs felt like he was about to feint dead away. He covered his ears with his hands, desperate to stop the sound but it was no good, it was too piercing. His body was really shaking now, as his fear threatened to overtake him.

"Oh please go away, please go away, please go away," he chanted like a mantra, hoping against hope that he didn't disgrace himself. He didn't have any clean undies to change into.

He found himself unexpectedly shaken from his panic attack, as the truck literally started jolting under him and the knocking fervently started on BOTH doors!

"AARRGH!" he screamed, now seriously needing to wash his clothes.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"

Amazingly...it did!

Fishlegs froze as the rocking and the noise stopped abruptly. He strained his ears to hear any strange or weird noises, but there was...Nothing!

The rapid beating of his heart and his heavy ragged breathing made it difficult to be sure, but it seemed as if all the noises had gone...disappeared...vanished into thin air!

He waited several long, terrifying minutes as his nerves continued to scream at him, the tension so tight he would swear he could cut it with a knife...although he wasn't sure exactly where he would have to cut, to be able to cut it. In the back of his mind, a tiny voice was saying, "What a completely insane saying! Who would start something like that?"

The overwhelming majority of his mind was responding with, "Who freaking cares? We're about to die here!"

Fishlegs listened so hard and for so long he felt his eardrums were about to burst. (Can eardrums burst in total silence?) But eventually he began to move. He uncurled himself from the foetal position he was attempting (not so easy for such a 'husky' boy as Fishlegs) and jerkily grabbed the torch and headed closer to the cab windows again. He needed to see for himself that there was nothing out there, so that his mind could convince him all night long that there was.

Gingerly, he approached the driver's seat that he hadn't quite managed to slide into last time, and this time, he succeeded. Much to his relief. Plus it had leather covering...so much easier to clean...

He pointed the torchlight out the window, his eyes straining to make anything out in the heavy darkness outside. He scanned the surrounding area and found...nothing.

This made Fishlegs confused, as he was sure there must have been...what it was, he didn't really know...but something had been there. He pinched his arm. No, he was definitely awake, that much was evident. So whatever had caused all that noise must have gone. Maybe another truck had gotten too close and caused the buffeting he had received. Yeah...that was it...another truck.

Fishlegs knew he was clutching at straws, but he didn't care. Another truck, that's all.

Now, he only needed to find a late night laundromat, and he would be fine!

Fishlegs started to relax a little, pulling out his phone to look up 'laundromats' when the truck lurched abruptly to one side, and something wild launched itself up his grill and splattered all over his windscreen.

Fishlegs screamed and threw his phone in the air as a heaving mass of body, blood and gore mashed unpleasantly over his windscreen before sliding slowly down, leaving a trail of slime, and what looked like suspiciously like bits of flesh mixed in with blood.

Fishlegs frantic mind shut down as he screamed long and loud as the face of the...thing...contorted against the glass before sliding off. He screamed again and again as he covered his eyes, before he heard a loud 'thud' as the 'thing' fell of the truck and hit the dirt outside.

Unfortunately for Fishlegs, now he REALLY needed a laundromat!

His hands shook as if he were in the spin cycle of a washing machine as he wondered when would be an appropriate amount of time before he _stopped_ screaming...when he heard something completely unreal...the sound of someone laughing. No, make that two...wait...three people laughing.

His screams died off into terrified sobbing as he contemplated what this all meant...and he only had one conclusion...Snotlout and the twins.

His tears dried quickly as he regained his senses...including his sense of smell...phew! He roared, "SNOTLOUT! RUFFNUT! TUFFNUT!"

"You called?" came a casual voice, as Snotlout's face popped up against Fishlegs side window.

Fishlegs tried hard not to have a heart attack at the sudden appearance. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? SCARING A MAN HALF TO DEATH!"

"Oh, did you like our performance?" Ruff asked, popping up on the other side of the truck. "We thought it was one of our best shows yet, don't you think so dear brother?"

"Just as surely as Snotlout is the vainest man alive, it was," said Tuff solemnly, popping up against the front windscreen, idly dragging a finger through the leftover slime that was still on display there. Fish nearly gagged as he watched Tuff nonchalantly sticking a goo filled finger into his mouth and sucking on it.

"Eww! Gross!" he shuddered.

"What? It's only our secret recipe for edible blood and guts. Always handy when you've forgotten your lunch," stated Tuff with satisfaction, dragging more paste off the windscreen and into his mouth.

That time Fish felt his dinner was coming back for a second tasting, so he hastily wound down the window, despite there being a snotty man still clinging to his door. A strong odour wafted outside, and Snot jumped off in horror. "Ughh! What a stench! It smells like you haven't washed all week!" he complained.

"Let me sniff! Let me sniff!" said Tuff eagerly, as he climbed around the truck like a monkey.

"You are an animal, Tuffnut!" cried out Snot in disgust. "Why would you do that?"

Tuff ignored both him and Fish who was busy trying to close the window again, but not before Tuff managed a huge sniff. The lanky lad gave an evil grin and Fish knew he was caught. He would rather go through the whole terrifying ordeal again, than go through what he knew he was about to face.

"Oh Fishlegggsss," sang out Tuff. "Did you have a little 'accident' when we scared you shirtless?"

"What? No! Of ...of course not," he stammered.

"Oooo...he's so cute when he tries to lie," squealed Ruff. "His little ears go all pink, and that's soooo adorable," she gushed.

Snotlout gagged. "Fishlegs? Adorable?"

"I'm glad you agree, Snotty, but I didn't think you were that type!"

"What? No! No! No! Never in a million, gazillion years! Urgh," Snotlout shuddered.

"IF you are both finished..." sighed Fishlegs.

"Ah yes!" cried Tuff. "Back to the man in the truck!"

"Nope! The man in the truck has to leave...right now!" broke in Fishlegs urgently. "So get off my Meatlug...before I run you over." He stuck his key in the ignition and waited desperately for the glow plugs to warm up.

Snot smirked, "Not quite the fast getaway you were hoping for, was it?"

"I'm just giving you time to remove yourself from my truck before I use you as a hood ornament," Fishlegs blustered.

"You don't have a hood," deadpanned Snot, climbing back up. "You drive a cab-over."

"Well...I'll use you to redecorate my grill then," he countered desperately.

Tuff yawned, as he hung from the side mirror. "I'm sorry Fish, but this is seriously the worst escape plan ever. If you wanted to leave in a hurry, you should have primed your engine first..."

"Yeah, so he could slooowly cruise down the highway in first gear," Ruff giggled.

Snot snorted, "Give him ten minutes, he might make it to second!"

"Oh no!" Ruff squealed in pretend horror. "I might fall asleep while I wait for him to run me over!"

Fishlegs grumbled, "Knock it off, guys! Meatlug can't help it if she's a bit slow!"

"Bit like her owner, hey Tuff!" said Snotlout cruelly.

"Still faster than you," retorted Ruff with a cackle.

"Hey! I thought we were ganging up on stinky-pants Fish here?" complained Snot.

"Yeah! But you're just so much fun! Who can resist?" shrugged Ruff.

"Errr...thanks?...I think?" returned a confused Snot.

Whatever was going to be said next, was drowned out as Fish (thankfully) turned over his motor, making the three cling-ons (Sorry. No trekkie pun intended) jump slightly. But only slightly...as now Fishlegs had to wait for the air pressure in his brake lines to build up.

"Seriously dude! Find a faster way to leave town! This is so boooring!" complained Tuff.

"I've never heard of anyone dying from a slow getaway, have you bro?" asked Ruff.

"Fishlegs might die though. He's stuck in that cab, fumigating himself," laughed Snotlout.

"Oh, that's right! Operation Fright Night was a total success! Yeah!" yahooed Tuff, punching his fist in the air.

"Clean up in aisle Fishlegs!" called out Ruff, in a metallic voice. "A giant sized change of undies needed in aisle Fishlegs!"

The others laughed, as Fishlegs finally found first gear and the truck lurched forward.

"Woah! Are we moving?" queried Snotlout.

"I think we are!" stated Tuff.

"Are you sure about that?" questioned Ruff.

"GET...OFF...MY...TRUCK!" yelled Fishlegs in frustration.

"Well...someone's not happy," said Tuff. "I think he wants us to get off. You only had to ask nicely you know," he told Fishlegs through the window.

The revs started to increase. "I think he might be about to hit another gear, boys!" cried out Ruff.

The three nearly fell off as the truck shuddered through a gear change from a determined Fishlegs.

"Okay, that wasn't very nice! Time to abandon ship...er...truck!" yelled Snot over the diesel engine.

"Awww! But we were having so much fun!" pouted Ruff.

"Come on Ruff. There's always next time!" promised her brother.

"Okay. Bye Fishlegs! Hope you find some clean undies!" cried out Ruff as the three finally leapt off the truck, to its owners everlasting relief.

The three tormentors walked back the few feet to their starting point as Fishlegs slowly ambled down the highway, looking for a laundromat.

What a way to end a night!

 **Poor Fishlegs! He does try so hard...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry about the delays. Been involved in some other stories. Plus I was having a lot of trouble loading this chapter on the internet. This chapter is longer than I intended, but I really wanted the ending in this chapter, not the next one... Now remember to read the whole chapter and not skip to the end!**

* * *

Sometime earlier that evening...

Hiccup and Astrid had just finished cleaning up after enjoying a roadside prepared meal together. Which meant Hiccup cooked while fending off Astrid whenever she tried to 'help', knowing full well that the girl could somehow ruin the most simplest of meals without even trying.

And because he had a healthy respect for his stomach and what he put in it, he had a vested interest in keeping her _out_ of his cooking.

And because he had a healthy respect for his shoulders...and a great fear of Astrid...he would never tell her outright that her ability to be a culinary queen, had fled her at birth.

And because she always felt guilty watching him work, she always insisted on doing whatever she could in their joint cooking adventures. So, he'd had to become very adept at making her feel useful...while hogging the actual cooking. It was a skill and an art he'd mastered over the years.

Now he was able to relax, ready to enjoy what was left of the evening. They were sitting in their chairs beside Hiccup's truck, parked in an isolated roadside stop for the night.

"Ahh..." sighed Astrid happily. "I really enjoyed dinner...We make a great team, you and me," she told him with a satisfied nod.

"Of course, m'lady," he told her smugly, enjoying watching her relaxed and contented in her chair.

"What should we do now?" she asked, as she stuck her leg in his lap. He adjusted it to a more comfortable spot, and let his fingers slide lazily over her ankle.

"Well... I believe you owe me a dance," Hiccup told her with a twinkle in his eye.

She raised an eyebrow and eyed him sceptically. "You seriously expect me... to dance around for you like a total dweeb? So you can boast about how good you are?"

" _Never_ , m'lady!" he shook his head energetically, gently pushing her leg off his lap and standing up before her. "I'm nothing but a fool without you," he told her smoothly, taking a hold of her hand and pulling it towards him, to kiss the back of it lightly.

She blushed a little, but didn't pull away as he tugged on it gently, encouraging her to stand with him.

"How about we dance together?" he suggested, bringing her closer to him, and sliding one of his hands around her waist and holding her other hand in the air.

"But there's no music," she told him with a bemused look as he gently started swaying with her.

"Oh, yes there is!" he told her with a soft smile. "Every time I look at you, an entire orchestra fills my heart with glorious music."

Astrid almost melted in his arms. "You're such a flirt!" she laughed quietly at him, although her eyes were shiny and bright.

He suddenly swung her around then dipped her low as she gasped in surprise. He pulled her back up again, but caught her up against his hip, their eyes locked together as they stepped forward in time to the imaginary music.

"Tell me it doesn't work on you...and I promise I'll never flirt with you again," he told her solemnly, although his laughing eyes and the twitch at the corner of his mouth told her he wasn't serious. Which was just as well, 'cause she was really enjoying herself right now!

"Okay...it doesn't work and you should never..." she sucked her breath in as he suddenly took hold of her hand and spun her in a circle, before pulling her tight up against his chest. "...do it again," she responded finally, a little breathlessly.

"Liar!" he admonished her with a grin. He stepped out abruptly with one leg and she had to gasp as he dipped her low once more. He left her dangling there as he leaned over with her and threatened with a grin, "Now, tell me you love it, or I will have to leave you here!"

"Never!" she cried, letting her head fall backwards even further, one arm stretched over her head.

"Tell me!" he insisted, his eyes twinkling. "Or I will be forced to drop you on the ground!"

She raised an eyebrow at him incredulously, from her almost upside down position.

"Seriously! I can't hold you for much longer in this position, m'lady! I'm not that strong," he admitted ruefully, as he let her slip a little in his arms to emphasis his point. He actually _was_ that strong, but he loved to tease her.

She laughed out loud, and decided to help him out. " _Fine_! You win! I love it when you flirt with me!" she sung out enthusiastically.

"Ah ha! My plan worked!" he cried triumphantly, as he rapidly pulled her back up into a standing position. Astrid's face was flushed and her hair was a little dishevelled from hanging upside down.

"You cad! Is that what you tell all the girls you dance with?" Astrid thumped him on his chest with her free hand.

He merely cradled her against him, resuming their original dancing position. His voice was soft as he captured her gaze with his, and she stared mesmerized as he led her into a waltz around the empty truck stop. "I only ever dance for you, m'lady!"

There was still no music, but Astrid would swear she heard the stars singing as they danced around and around. Either that, or it was the other truck horns blaring at them as they raced past, only metres from where the two were so casually dancing under the light of the moon...and a spotlight off the side of Hiccup's truck.

"I think I deserve some payback for that little trick," she told him light-heartedly, giddy from dipping and twirling with Hiccup.

He grinned playfully as he kept them moving. "What did you have in mind? Some hideous torture involving pink tutus and high heels I suppose."

Astrid's face lit up and her grin grew wider. "Now that's a thought...I can just picture it now...Hiccup the ballerina! Dressed in a pink tutu...pink is _so_ your colour by the way...twirling in your two inch heals..."

"Falling over and breaking an ankle, is more like it," he interrupted drily.

"...with a glitzy diamante tiara perched on top your wayward hair..."

"Can I tilt it rakishly to one side? _Soo_ much cooler," he interrupted, raising his hands to tilt his imaginary bling over one eye.

"No," she told him firmly, lifting her hands up to 'straighten' up the tiara. "Keep it right there!" she instructed.

"But I'll look like a girl!" he pouted, stamping his foot in protest and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Woah! I just had a flash back to five year old Hiccup!" said Astrid, laughing at him.

He gave a huge grin and reached out to pull her back into his arms. "Who ever said he had left?"

"Oh Hiccup!" giggled Astrid, shaking her head. "Look at you! All dressed up like a little princess ballerina when you could have come for a much more adult five k run with me instead!"

He groaned and dropped his head on her shoulder. "I think I prefer the pink tutu," he grumbled.

"Come on! It's not that bad!"

"Do I have too?" he whined.

"Yes!"

He sighed dramatically. " _Fine!_ I'll be there with bells on," he told her sarcastically.

"Good! I enjoy listening to music as I run!"

"What am I? Your daily entertainment?"

"Yup! Haven't you heard? That's the only reason I keep you around!"

"And here I was, thinking it was my manly charm!" he rolled his eyes at her and attempted to puff out his chest as she giggled.

"Don't worry. I keep you for much more than your charm," she told him in mock seriousness as they danced.

"For what? My rugged good looks?" he hedged, raising an eyebrow at her.

"No...your fabulous truck!"

His smile dropped in disbelief. "I'm starting to think I should have let you fend for yourself when Stormfly crashed! My ego is copping quite a hammering here!" he complained.

She laughed. "Lucky your ego is so huge then, hey? It could stand to be knocked down a peg or two!"

"Hey!" he protested.

"Oh shush, dragon boy! And spin me again!"

He smirked. "My pleasure!"

They laughed and danced by the side of the road, ignoring the cold and the occasional horn blast from passing vehicles, having eyes only for each other as they kept dancing to the music they both heard very clearly in their minds and hearts.

It was much, much later, before they sat down again to catch their breath.

Astrid tried to hide a yawn.

"Okay, m'lady. Time we got you off to bed," said Hiccup firmly, standing up and folding up his chair.

"Aww dad! I don't wanna go to bed yet!" she pretended to whine, pouting at her boyfriend with a sad face.

"Bed!" he repeated, pointing towards the truck, as he packed the chairs away.

She left him to pull open the door and climb up, but paused before getting in.

"Uh, Hiccup? Where am I going to sleep?" she asked, looking into his sleeper and realising too late there was only room for one.

He climbed up behind her, his chest tight up against her back as he held on to the rails. He gave her a gentle nudge, which prompted her to climb completely into the cab.

"Alright, Mr Impatient! I'm getting in," she grumbled, climbing past the seat and into the sleeper. He quickly followed.

"Well, much as I love you and all..." he began, as he pulled an extra pillow out of the side cupboard, "...I don't really fancy trying to sleep on the seat. And the bed's...almost...big enough for two. So why don't we just share the bed," he suggested hopefully as he gazed longingly at the soft mattress.

She stared at him suspiciously, "No funny business?" she demanded.

He shook his head energetically. "No funny business," he promised. "Although," he mused as he tried to look thoughtful. "Anything that could happen wouldn't be _funny_ business, would it? Highly exciting and delicious...intoxicating even...but hardly funny," he finished. He then appeared horrified, "I would _really_ hope that it wouldn't be funny. That would be just plain out embarrassing...not to mention mortifying."

Astrid laughed self-consciously, but was very grateful the small amount of light available to them wasn't enough to show how badly she was blushing.

"That's very...forward...of you. But I'm not keen on finding out tonight! Not unless you intend on wearing your man parts as suspenders!" she threatened.

His hands immediately dropped to cover his more...sensitive areas. "Nope! Me and my parts would like to stay intact, thank you!" he promised fervently.

"Good!" she nodded in acceptance. "Okay, let's make this work. I'll get in first, and you can be on the edge," she told him, as she pulled back the blankets and shuffled under, attempting to give him as much space as possible.

"Got it," he waited till she had settled, then he climbed under the sheets as well. He lay on his side, close to the very edge of the mattress.

"Good night, Hiccup," she murmured, planting a gentle kiss on his shoulder

"Good night, Astrid," he responded with a smile. He closed his eyes, wondering how he got so lucky as to have Astrid in his bed, in his truck, on the side of the road in the middle of no-man's land.

He had finally started to relax when he felt Astrid shuffle beside him. The next moment his eyes flew wide open as her nudge sent him flying from his precarious perch, and he landed on the floor with a thump. "Ouch!" he complained, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head. "What was that for?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Hiccup!" she gasped. "I was only trying to get more comfortable," she promised.

He lay back down on the floor of the sleeper. "It's okay. I prefer the hard floor anyway," he grumbled sarcastically.

He could hear her laughing as a pillow flew down and hit him squarely in the face.

"Oof!...Thanks...do I get a blanket too?" he asked drily, bunching the pillow up and shoving it under his head.

The lights suddenly went out as a blanket was launched over his head.

"Thanks," came his voice, muffled under the woollen cover.

-oOo-

The next morning came way too soon, in Hiccup's opinion. Not that anybody would be asking for it anytime soon.

"Up and at 'em, sunshine!" came an overly cheerful feminine voice.

"Urgh! What is it with you and early mornings?" groaned Hiccup from his position on the floor of the sleeper. He yawned widely as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Wow! I could see all the way down to your toes with that one!" exclaimed Astrid cheekily as she sat on the side of the bed looking down at him.

"Did you see my empty stomach gurgling at you, too?" he questioned drily.

"Not even out of bed yet, and the sarcasm is dripping off you already," she replied with a giggle.

"I don't see how I can be out of bed yet, when I'm obviously still on the floor," he muttered.

He squinted up at her with one eye tightly closed. "Mind you, it's an interesting view from here," he murmured appreciatively, a small smile lurking on the corners of his mouth as he eyed off the long legs dangling over him. Astrid promptly stomped on his stomach.

"Oof! What was that for?" he grunted, doubling up from the shock and rubbing his stomach.

"Ah, you big baby! That was just a love tap! Time to get up and go for a run," she told him without remorse.

"If that was a love tap, remind me never to go for the angry tap," he muttered, more to himself. But she heard him anyway.

"And don't you forget it!"

It wasn't long before the two of them were jogging down the road, Hiccup's breathing a little more harsh and jagged than Astrid's.

She laughed at him, "A tad unfit, are we?"

He scowled at her and attempted a growl, but instead ended up coughing up what felt like half his left lung. Or the right lung. One of them anyway.

"Who in their right mind inflicts this kind of torture upon themselves?" he questioned in between gasps and coughs.

"Only you would think its torture!" she droned as she rolled her eyes at him. "Come on...it's only a little five k run. I could do this in my sleep!"

"I will be comatose soon, so can I finish it then?" he heaved back. "I haven't even had my coffee yet," he whined as he attempted to keep pace with her.

"You'll get your coffee after we have a shower at the next diner. I'm not sitting next to you in that cab while you're all sweaty and stinky!" she told him firmly.

He grinned and attempted to wrap his sweat soaked arm around her shoulders.

"Get off!" she growled as she shoved him sideways.

"Hey!" he complained, as he staggered sideways before righting himself.

Astrid quickened her pace so that Hiccup was behind her and out of reach.

"I like this much better!" he told her after a moment. "Great view!"

"Are you checking out my butt!" she called back to him.

"I just said great view, not what I'm viewing," he hedged with a grin before having a coughing fit, which kinda spoiled the moment.

"Serve's you right for being a perv," she told him, as she laughed easily. Curse her better conditioned lungs.

Astrid's attention was diverted from her wheezing boyfriend to something up front.

"Is that Fishleg's truck?" she asked.

Hiccup strained to see. "Yeah, I think so. What's he doing here? Shouldn't he be further back?"

Astrid slowed to allow Hiccup to catch up. They turned to each other, "Twins!"

Hiccup shook his head, "I wonder what they did to him this time?"

"Something evil I'm sure. Doesn't look like he's up yet," she decided.

Hiccup thought for a moment. "Let's see if we can sneak up on him," he told her with a mischievous grin.

"What are you planning?" she asked.

"If we can get away with it, something simple," he told her. "But very frustrating!"

The two kept an eye on the truck as they drew closer, attempting to avoid making too much noise, but it didn't seem as if Fishlegs was up yet. Hiccup collected a few small pieces of gravel from the road as they approached. Astrid knew better than to ask, so she waited to see what he was going to do.

They walked up to the side of the cab, where they could see the curtain was still closed. Hiccup turned to Astrid and placed his finger on his lips. "Shhh!"

He bent down next to the front tyre, and carefully loosened the hub cap, placing some of the gravel he had collected earlier inside it and reattaching it, doing his best to keep things quiet.

Then he repeated the process on the other side. Once he had finished, he indicated to Astrid to head back in the direction they had just come from. Once they were far enough away, they started jogging again.

"Okay...so what was that for?" Astrid questioned him. "And why are we cutting our run short?"

"We are? Oh dang...I was so looking forward to five k's of pure pain and humiliation," he muttered.

She elbowed him in his ribs. "Cut the chatter and spill," she demanded.

"My, my...so pushy first thing in the morning," he complained as he rubbed his side in pretence.

She glared at him.

Hiccup put his hands in the air in defence. "Okay, okay! Sheesh! Hot blooded blondes can be a testy thing to live with...If you must know, I put rocks in Fishlegs hubcaps, 'cause I know he will hear the grinding noise they make and will panic about his precious truck having a breakdown or something. He'll keep stopping the truck to inspect it, but he won't find anything 'cause he won't know where to look. Every time he stops and panics, he'll get further and further behind. And the reason we're heading back to _our_ truck is simple...if the twins are close by, we DO NOT want to leave 'Toothless' on his own."

Astrid turned to him, "First of all...that's cruel, but great. Second of all, why are we still here? Step it up! I've already lost 'Stormfly'...I don't want to lose 'Toothless' as well."

He just rolled his head backwards and groaned. "If I'm ever insane enough to go jogging with you again...I'm bringing coffee!"

"Stop talking and keep your energy for your feet," she advised him callously.

He touched his fingers to his brow in a sloppy salute along with a lopsided grin, "Yes, ma'am!"

-oOo-

Tuff was driving as Ruff snoozed in the passenger seat.

"Hey, Ruff!"

"What do you want? I'm sleeping here!" she snapped back.

"Isn't that Fishlegs up ahead?" he asked, indicating a truck parked much further ahead.

She opened her bloodshot eyes in protest, before sitting up to see better.

"Yeah...looks like 'Meatlug'," she agreed, yawning and stretching out her arms. One hand neatly smacked her brother on the jaw. He ignored it. That was just their version of sibling affection.

"Heh! I wondered where he got too last night!" cackled Tuff. "You think he found any clean undies?" he turned to his sister in crime, who was currently looking bored as she stared out the window, her chin resting in her hand which was propped up by the door.

"Yeah, probably," she mumbled, her eyes starting to close over again.

Tuff glanced over at his sleepy twin and saw an opportunity to good to miss. He waited till they were almost level with Fishleg's truck before swinging off the horn, letting out a sudden, very loud, BLARRRP!

Ruff's eyes flew open wide, as her elbow slipped off the door and she gave a very undignified surprised yell.

Tuff had to grip the steering wheel hard to stop himself falling out of his seat laughing, as Ruff turned and glared at him.

"What was that for?" she demanded angrily, as she leaned over and yanked on one of his dreadlocks.

"Oww, oww, oww!" he cried, fending her off as she tried to grab his hair again. "It was just a wake up call for ole Fishface!" he told her quickly, as she got through his defences and pulled on his hair once more. "Oww! Stop that! I'm driving here!"

"You can handle it! You did that on purpose to upset me!" she accused him hotly.

"Yeah? So what? Had to wake you up for the next main attraction, didn't I?" he told her, motioning to something on the side of the road ahead of them that he had just seen and was using as an excuse. Because _of course_ he only did it to upset his sister! But he didn't want her to know that! Repercussions would likely to be fast and furious!

Ruff peered up the road. "Is that Hiccup and Astrid?...running?" she asked in utter amazement, totally awake now. (Who wouldn't be after 130 decibels sidelines your ear?)

"Maybe he's done something wrong, and she's hot on his heels?" Tuff suggested.

Ruff shook her head, "Nah! She would have caught him ages ago! They must be out running for _exercise!_ " She shuddered as she said the last word as if it was the worst form of torture.

Tuff grinned lecherously, "Hiccup's got it bad, hasn't he?" Ruff cackled in agreement.

"Hey! We still got any ammunition?" Tuff asked.

Ruff reached behind the seat for a large bucket with a lid screwed on tight. She pulled it forward with an evil leer. "Of course! Always prepared, ready to go!" she nodded proudly.

"Isn't that Scout's motto or something?" Tuff asked.

Ruff shrugged. "Dunno. Who cares? We doing this or what?"

Tuff turned to his sister with a mischievous smirk. "What do you think?"

-oOo-

Hiccup and Astrid were running side by side, when Hiccup told her seriously, "You know, it's been fun having you with me. I've really enjoyed it."

She grinned at him, "Likewise!"

He rubbed his hip ruefully, "Although it would be better if I had a bigger truck!"

She only smirked back at him. "Why? I like having you at my feet."

"And as much as I enjoy the view from the floor, I think I would age about thirty years if I had to keep sleeping there. Toothless is not that comfortable, you know," he grumbled.

He glanced at her slyly before continuing, "A bigger sleeper would be a much better option for when we drive as Mr and Mrs Haddock."

It took a moment for it to sink in, then Astrid almost tripped over in shock as she stopped running and stared at him open mouthed and wide eyed.

"Did you just propose to me?" she asked faintly.

"Yes, I did," he told her cautiously, taking her wrist and tugging gently to keep her walking.

She stumbled as she followed him blindly, "Um...ah...okay..." she stuttered, totally lost for words.

"Unbelievable! The mighty Astrid Hofferson...speechless! And all it took was one marriage proposal!" he teased.

Astrid didn't even have the presence of mind to glare at him.

"Don't you want to get married?" he queried, a little worried now with her continued silence.

That seemed to bring her back on track. "What?...Oh _yes!_ Of course I want to get married! I'd marry you tomorrow if I could!" she cried, launching herself at him and wrapping her arms around him and kissing him fiercely. He swiftly responded.

"Oh good!" he breathed out in relief, when he finally unlocked himself from her lips. "I thought maybe you had another potential truckie husband driving around somewhere."

She chuckled, "Where else am I gonna find a crazy man with messy hair and green eyes, driving a cute black truck?" she asked, ruffling her hands through his auburn locks.

"Cute?" he drew back, pretending to be hurt. "I was kinda going for tough... masculine... stealthy... maybe even sexy...but not cute," he pouted.

She slapped his shoulder and laughed. "You're cute...and masculine...and even sexy. And so is your truck."

She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck, drawing close to him. "And all mine," she told him possessively.

The moment was rudely interrupted by a loud blaring sound, as a truck driving past sounded its horn.

" _Yahooo_! Get a room!" the twins yelled at them as they slowed down long enough to launch several over ripe tomatoes at them. The young couple yelped and leaped sideways to avoid the rotten fruit, shaking their fists at the cackling pair as they sped off down the highway.

"Ohh, it is so _on_!" screamed Astrid at the disappearing truck. She turned to her brand new fiancé, "What are you waiting for? Let's move it!" She sprinted towards Toothless with Hiccup hurrying to keep up. "What have I got myself in for?" he wondered, shaking his head.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry about the overwhelming Hiccstrid fluff in the last chapter! Bit more in this one, then I promise the other characters will get more of a look in! I have been unable to answer to any reviews for some reason, so thankyou to those who sent some in. I'm not ignoring you, I promise!**

* * *

It wasn't until Hiccup and Astrid were back on the road and halfway to the next diner for breakfast and a shower that he brought up the second stage of his plan.

"I've been thinking..."

"Well, that's never good," she chuckled.

He shot her an amused look. "I'll ignore that...You know how Tuff did his marriage celebrant course?"

She turned quickly to pierce him with her blue gaze. "Yeah..." she said cautiously. "Where are you going with this?"

"Oh, I'm not suggesting _that_..." he answered quickly. "Besides, you might not know that he never completed it."

"Oh," she breathed, half relieved and half disappointed. "That's right. Didn't the teacher leave before the end of the course because Tuff kept blowing up his stuff?"

"Yeah."

"What about it?"

He glanced at her briefly. "Tuff still thinks he's a fully-fledged celebrant and able to perform legal wedding ceremonies."

"Okay, you've got my attention, but I'm not sure where we're headed with this," she told him, now totally focussed on him.

"What if we told the gang that because you and I are now co-drivers, we have to be married before the company will allow us to drive for them?"

She snorted, "As if they would fall for something like that!"

He raised an eyebrow and stared at her pointedly.

She sighed and gave in, "Okay, they'll fall for that. What next?"

He turned back to the road. "We'll convince them that we need all of them to be witnesses to our wedding before any of us can reach the office at The Edge. We'll meet up at the Cove Diner at Ravens Point and put on a pretend wedding, which they think will be real, and when we're 'married', you and I can duck off pretending something like a conjugal visit..."

Astrid blushed madly at this.

"...but in reality we'll be racing off towards the office to register first...still unwed...while the rest are still celebrating."

He glanced back at her and noticed with amusement, her red cheeks. "Which bit are you still stuck on?" he questioned gleefully, knowing full well the answer.

She blushed even harder, and stared stiffly out the front windscreen, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Don't. Even. Go. There," she warned.

"Are you imagining what our wedding night would be like?" he teased, grinning broadly. "What you would like to do with all this?" he added, indicating himself.

Astrid was so red a tomato would be jealous, although he could see a small smirk on her lips as he caught her glancing sideways at him.

"Annnd... now you're checking me out," he glanced at her again, enjoying watching her squirm as she suddenly became fascinated with the view out her side window.

"You're so full of yourself, you know that?"

He chuckled, "Yeah...but you love it!" he told her without shame.

"Hmm..." she murmured, as she turned back to him with steel in her eye.

"What?" he asked, almost nervous as he noticed the dangerous glare she was giving him.

She leaned towards him, softly brushing his hair from the back of his neck with her fingers, causing him to shiver slightly.

"There are certainly some things I could do _here_ ," she murmured as she tickled behind his ear lobe, and stroked his neck.

He half closed his eyes and stared at her fascinated, for a moment too long before he was forced to quickly bring the truck back into his lane.

"Watch the road, Hiccup," she told him with a smirk.

"This should be fun," he muttered drily, glancing down as her hand slowly trawled across his chest, her fingers spreading out against his pectorals.

"This area should definitely get some attention," she told him in a husky voice, grinning like the Cheshire cat as she noted him squirming in his seat.

"Never got to the lesson about how to drive with an amorous co-driver," he muttered to himself.

She grinned as she trailed a lazy finger from his chest, down the back of his bicep, around his inner elbow before spreading her fingers around his forearm, and lightly wrapping them over his fingers on the steering wheel. She was delighted to feel the goose bumps spring to attention over his skin, and the tightening of his grip on the wheel.

Astrid flicked a quick glance at his face and noticed his darkened eyes had a slightly glazed appearance about them, and his jaw was clenched. She grinned at the power she had over him.

"When I said co-driver, I didn't literally mean drive at the same time," he murmured softly, fighting to keep his attention on the road. She released his fingers and travelled back up his arm and across his chest. Her fingers started to travel south towards his abs, but his warm hand covered hers and stopped her before she got that far.

"If you go any lower, I'm going to have to stop this truck," he warned her with a growl.

She blushed and tugged her hand away, sitting back in her seat.

"Just checking out the goods," she told him airily. "Once we're married, this..." she indicated all of him, "...will be all mine to do with as I please."

He laughed, and raised a curious eyebrow at her. "Do I get any say in this?" he questioned.

"Nope!"

He laughed again. "Okay, now that we've stopped playing with the 'goods'... and I can breathe again...are you up for it?"

"What, the wedding night?" she asked, surprised.

He chuckled and shot her a smug look, "Little too focused there, I think."

She blushed, and smacked him on the shoulder.

"Oww! Violence, woman!"

"Serves you right!"

"I meant the fake wedding...are you up for a fake wedding?" he reminded her hastily.

"Oh...right...yeah..."

"You totally forgot about it, didn't you?" he teased.

"No...umm...maybe?" she admitted.

He laughed loudly, "This is _really_ going to be fun!"

"Oh shush!"

He asked again, "So are we good to go for a fake wedding? And hopefully get us first into the office door to register with The Edge Trucking Company?"

"Yeah...alright," she muttered after a moment's hesitation.

"Yesss!" he crowed triumphantly, doing a fist pump.

"And no wedding night," she told him.

"Not even a fake one?"

" _No_!"

-oOo-

Snotlout managed to arrive at the diner first, followed shortly after by the twins. They'd taken a little longer, despite being first on the road, as they'd had to pick up a flatbed trailer. So now they were ready for action! Which was kind of important if they intended to carry loads!

Hiccup and Astrid had arrived next, but hadn't come in for breakfast yet. Astrid had gone straight to the kitchen, and left soon after holding a white bucket with the lid screwed on tight. She'd given the twins a malevolent glare as she passed, but they'd only grinned and cocked their finger guns at her, making her scowl even deeper.

Hiccup had taken the opportunity to phone his dad, and check up on what was happening with Astrid's truck, 'Stormfly'. He also needed to give his dad the good news about his and Astrid's engagement. Of course, you can imagine how excited his dad was to hear that news! In fact, the very words that came out of his dad's mouth were, "About blooming time! I thought I was going to be dead and buried before you got around to asking her!" You know, the usual. Nothing too dramatic or anything!

Hiccup had to hold the phone away from his ear as his father yelled excitedly to everyone around him...plus a few more in the next state...and it took a few minutes for Stoick to calm down enough before Hiccup could get a word in again. He needed to ask his father's help in a special project he wanted to pull off, but he had to get his dad to focus first.

Hiccup glanced furtively around as he made sure he was well away from any stray ears...you never know when a few ears are going to pounce on you...and proceeded to quietly lay out his plans to his father over the phone. It took a while and a lot more yelling on his dad's part, but he finally got Stoick's full support. After ending the call with a satisfied nod, Hiccup went for his long overdue shower.

-oOo-

Fishlegs had arrived at the diner while Hiccup and Astrid were still occupied elsewhere, and he went straight to the table where the rest of his friends were sitting.

"Well! Good morning to you, Fishlegs! Sleep well!" Tuff asked with a huge, knowing grin.

Fishlegs ignored him and asked in a slight panic. "Do you know where Hiccup is? I really need to find him. Something's wrong with 'Meatlug' and I can't work out what it is."

Snotlout asked him through a mouthful of breakfast, "What's the problem? Got too much weight over the front wheels?"

Ruff and Tuff cackled and fist bumped him.

Fishlegs frowned. "No...if you must know, there's a horrible grinding sound at the front. I pulled over three times but I couldn't find anything! I'm so worried that she's going to have a major mechanical failure and I won't be able to fix it!" He rubbed his hand through his hair in agitation and paced in front of them as he spoke.

Tuff shrugged. "Maybe something got pushed out of alignment yesterday, when you tangled with 'Hookfang'," he suggested casually.

He shook his head, before glaring at Snotlout. "No, I already looked at all that. I've pulled everything back into place. There's nothing I can see that would make such a sound!" he paced again, wringing his hands together in a mild state of panic.

Ruff spoke up. "Did you look in your hubcaps? Hiccup probably put some rocks in there while you were sleeping."

Fishlegs stopped pacing. "Hiccup? When would he have done something like that?" he asked.

Tuff told him, "We drove past you this morning, and we saw him and Astrid running away from your truck."

Fishlegs shook his head. "But he wouldn't do that to me?"

Ruff grinned. "Why not? He did it to us before. Had us scratching our head for days, till we accidentally knocked the hub cab off and found the rocks in there. That was a good one!" she turned and high fived her brother.

Snotlout laughed, "Good old Fishlegs, the mouse! Taken down by a few little rocks! You are so easy to trick, you know that?"

Fishlegs crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "No, I'm not! I've pulled a few stunts in my time, too!"

Snotlout rolled his eyes, "Puh-lease!...You only pull little kiddy tricks that everyone can see through! You wouldn't know how to pull a stunt to stop us in our tracks in a million years!"

"I can too!" Fishlegs defended himself, miffed at their suggestion he couldn't hold his own.

Ruff stood up to poke him in the chest, "Face it, Fishlegs. You are such a fraidy mouse. You'd be too scared to do anything wild in case 'someone got hurt'," she teased, mocking him.

"That's not true! I...I can do...stuff," he stammered.

"What stuff?" Ruff questioned, getting up close and poking him in the chest. "I dare you to blow my socks off!" she challenged him.

"Watch out, Ruff!" Snotlout laughed. "It's the quiet ones you have to look out for. He might explode and do something really...lame!"

Fishlegs face was getting redder as he became more and more agitated. Now there's a saying, you shouldn't poke the bear.

Ruff poked the bear.

"Come on, mouse boy! Show me!" Ruff dared him.

Fishlegs had had enough! A sense of recklessness overcame him, and he did the first thing he could think of. He grabbed Ruff and pulled her against his chest, planting his lips on hers. Now this was not a quick peck on the cheek. This was a tonsil wrangling, suck-your-face-off, melt your world on fire, get a room kind of kiss. Ruff was as weak as a kitten in his arms, clinging onto his vest for dear life as her lips...and her mind...were completely blown away!

"Arghh! Fishlegs! What are you doing to my sister!" cried Tuff, as he jumped up from the table. He tried to tug on Ruff's arm, but she kicked him away.

Snotlout laughed, "What? No way! She's totally into it! Did he pay her to do this?"

The kiss continued, as Tuff pulled on his own hair in his agitation, highly distressed at what he was witnessing. Can't unsee that!

Just then, Hiccup and Astrid walked in through the door of the diner and saw the action.

Hiccup did a double take. "Woah! Fishlegs!"

Astrid did a fist pump into the air and cheered. "Yeah! Go Fishlegs! Melt her face off!"

"Nooo! Don't encourage him!" yelled Tuff. "That's so disgusting! She's my _sister!_ How can I sit next to her knowing she did _that!_ "

Fishlegs finally let her go of her face, but Ruff clung to him completely dazed, a small goofy grin on her face. She looked like she had just found out a wonderful secret. Fishlegs smiled gently at her, his arms still wrapped around her. Ruff looked as if she was about to collapse from weak knees!

Tuff scampered over to her to shake her, but she remained unresponsive.

"What have you done to her? You broke her! Fishlegs! You turned her into a...a...a girl!" cried out Tuff to the bigger man, pulling on his own dreads again.

A sharp elbow firmly planted into his solar plexus instantly doubled him over in pain.

"Oof!" he groaned in a strangled voice. "Nope. She's still in there...somewhere," he admitted before falling to the floor.

Fishlegs guided Ruff over to a seat, where she looked up at him with a new found admiration. He seemed to carry himself with a stronger sense of confidence, and it looked good on him.

Snotlout had been sitting back the whole time with his mouth hanging open, but now he finally closed it.

"Well, will you look at that! The mouse finally roared!"


	8. Chapter 8

Fishlegs had escaped the diner and Ruff's grasping fingers not long after, with the excuse he was going for a desperately needed shower. He'd had to change his clothes the night before, after all... But before he reached his own truck, he made a detour.

He tiptoed along, trying to be inconspicuous. Really? Tip toeing? He was muttering to himself as he went. "Don't know how to pull stunts...I'll show them how to pull a stunt...Ha! I already did! Ruff wasn't expecting that, now was she! ...But she was so sweet..." he sighed in a love-struck manner, before continuing with his rambling and his tip toeing, heading towards Snotlout's truck. "I'll...I'll...I'll let down Snot's tyres, see if he's expecting _that!_ Then he'll be begging me for mercy!" He put on a falsetto voice, "Oh Fishlegs! You're so great! You pull the greatest pranks! You're my hero!" He walked on for a few more steps, before he paused and his shoulders drooped. "Who am I kidding? Even I think that's lame! But at least it will slow him down. Maybe I'll get ahead and get there first! _That_ will shut him up!" he continued, a little annoyed at the others for teasing him...and for being so right about him...but he was determined to make an impression. He just hoped it was the right kind of impression.

He reached Snotlout's truck and stood up, nonchalantly strolling around with his hands in his pockets and whistling a very wobbly tune, while he searched everywhere with his eyes. When he couldn't see anyone close by, his stance immediately changed again to a shifty eyed, skulking hulk (I just wanted to put those two words together!) of a man on a mission.

He knelt down to the first tyre under the cab, pulling a tool out of his pocket. He checked again for any sightseers before turning to his task, sticking the tool into the tyre valve and loosening it, the air immediately started to softly squeal as it left its pressurized prison. He hesitated before finally deciding to go the whole way...and removing the valve completely. He tossed it under the tyre where a blind man could find it...but perhaps Snotlout wouldn't...and continued onto the next tyre.

He continued with his previous ranting. "They'll be calling me...uh...Killer, yeah that's it...Killer Fishlegs...Master of pranks! No...that's Hiccup...umm...what about Killer...Second Master of pranks..." He rolled his eyes at his own words. "Okay...will have to work on that one," he mumbled to himself, as he covertly shifted to the next tyre. He glanced around again before tackling it. "Scrap the name...what about a theme song? Yeah! Every superhero needs a theme song!"

Fishlegs cackled to himself (been hanging around the twins too long) before he tried whistling a devastatingly evil theme song, (which was really only a mish-mash of all the cool tunes he had ever taken a fancy to), and realising it sounded absolutely nothing like what had been flowing through his head, but not really caring.

He stood up and sidled up to the side of the cab, pressing his back against the metal as he cautiously edged up to the front and poked his head around the corner. He paused as he surveyed the surrounding vehicles.

"Scanning enemy territory now...nope...no bogies spotted...clear to go, Captain Fishlegs," he advised himself as he slunk around the front of the cab. He repeated the scanning technique for the next corner as he retreated to the other side, and ducked down beside the first tyre there.

He tried out his devastatingly evil theme song again as he cored the valve stem from its location and chucked it under the tyre. He coughed as the whistling caught in his throat. "Mmm...might have to work on that one too," he admitted to himself, as he stood up to aim for the last tyre. "It doesn't matter!" he cried out loud, then stopped suddenly and quickly swivelled his head in all directions. "Oops! Note to self...keep it quiet if you don't want to be discovered!..." He continued in a whisper, "It doesn't matter! They _will_ learn to fear me! I will prevail!" He shook a fist as he vowed and declared to the tyre walls that his fellow dragon riders will be awestricken as they beheld him as the best prankster of the group...after Hiccup of course.

Feeling emboldened, he headed off to his next target...'Barf and Belch', the twin's truck. He was still feeling slightly dizzy from actually pulling off such an unexpected manoeuvre against Ruff, but he was determined that the memory of her scrumptious lips was not going to confound his newfound desire to achieve tantalising heights on the ladder of pranking success! He may even make it to the first rung! He felt a delicious shiver run down his spine at the idea! How daring!

Now, he didn't really have any idea what he was going to do to the twins truck, but he figured a Master Prankster...check that...make it Second Master Prankster...such as himself, would have no problems coming up with something so sinister, so conniving, that it would totally blow all the socks off of anyone within a two county radius. He made a mental note to put rubber bands around his socks to stop them blowing off.

As he perused the perimeter of the parking bays, he noticed a small yard full of chickens with a shed on the side. An idea popped into his head, and he immediately made a beeline for it. After ducking and weaving around the bees, he reached the little shed and peered inside where he could see quite plainly, something that would be of use to him.

Fishlegs glanced left and right, then moved back out again and ran into a few stray bees. He swatted them away as he contemplated what he was about to do. This was the big one...it was going to put him on the map...and it took a fair bit of nerve and dutch courage...although he was related to Vikings, not the Dutch...as he built up a fearful sweat in preparation for his actions. (He wondered if perhaps he could have heroic sweat instead of fearful sweat.)

Circling around in front of the yard...and trying not to get dizzy...he checked and double checked and triple checked that no one was around to see him. Deciding that the chickens wouldn't tell, he raced inside the shed, picked up an empty bucket and scooped up a pile of chicken poop that was festering in the corner where it had obviously been collected. (Some people collect strange things...)

He peeked outside, scanning once more for anyone who might snitch or raise the alarm on him for stealing chicken poop...although he did wonder what kind of punishment would be meted out for stealing chicken excrement...there was nobody...where was everybody today?... so he scooted towards the twins rig. He held the bucket of poop riiiight out in front of him, his nose wrinkled in disgust at the smell that was wafting over him. "Ew..ew...ew...ew...ew..." he muttered the entire way over to 'Barf and Belch'.

When he reached the front of the truck, he raised an eyebrow as he calculated a path up the side of the truck. Taking a deep breath in for inspiration...then gagging and almost upchucking his breakfast as he inadvertently sucked in a whole lung full of putrid chook poop fumes...yuck!...he proceeded to climb very laboriously up to the air vents at the top.

"Try this for a great stunt!" he mumbled to himself as he gagged and poured the poop into the slots. Some of it didn't go in, and spread out over the bonnet instead. He started to panic that he was going to be found out, so he kept glancing around to see if anyone was paying any attention to him. Nope! Still no one.

"Oh gross! What am I going to do?" he wondered frantically as he tentatively poked and prodded the offending poop back into the vents.

"Yuck...ew...gross...urgh...ew...yuck...yuck...gross...this is foul (fowl?)...urgh...ew," he shuddered as he kept flicking and pushing it with the tips of his fingers, until finally it had either gone into the vents, or fallen off the truck altogether. He gave a huge relieved sigh, and awkwardly reversed back down the truck.

He nodded to himself in satisfaction. "Take _that_!" he challenged the truck, "Let's see how you like them apples, hey? Who's the second greatest stunt Master, now? Yeah...we'll see who comes begging..."

He stuck his nose in the air as he marched away from the truck, his head held high. "Yeah...we'll see..." he told himself in a miffed tone. He felt a shiver of dread mixed with excitement tremble down his spine. "Oh no! ...what have I done?" he started to question himself, as he guiltily strode back to the shed to conscientiously replace the bucket he had 'borrowed'. He puffed his chest out to imbibe himself with courage. "I am Fishlegs! Hear me roar!" he huffed and growled as he finally headed for the shower... he now had chicken dung aroma to add to the list of smells he needed to remove...scaring some poor unsuspecting soul who had carelessly walked into his path by growling at them. "Oh, sorry!" he apologized sheepishly. (If humans are sheepish, are sheep humanish? Just wondering...)

Will Fishlegs little 'prank' work? We will have to wait and see...

-oOo-

Meanwhile...

Hiccup and Astrid were bent over, furtively scanning around them as they ran between vehicles, keeping a close look out for the twins. Or anyone else who might think they looked a mite suspicious. Because who looks innocent when you are running like that?

Soon they found their target, a familiar looking green truck with twin dragons painted on the side. Astrid paused for a moment as a whiff of something nasty reached her nose. Shaking her head, she continued.

"Okay. You loosen the lug nuts, and I'll keep watch," she whispered, scooting towards the front of the cab.

"Right!" Hiccup used the wrench he had brought with him on the trailer wheel. He grunted as he pushed on the tool, attempting to loosen the obstinate lug nut.

"You know, this would go much quicker if I had a little help," he asked none too subtly as he struggled with the wheel.

Astrid only waved him off. "You're a big strong boy. You can do it," she told him callously as she continued to scan the parking lot.

"Do I have to remind you this is hard work," he complained as he continued to lean on the spanner with the next lug. "You should know all about it. You've done your own tyres!" he reminded her.

She only glanced back at him without too much interest. "Me? I just find a big strong, truckie type and get them to do it for me," she told him casually. (In reality, she does change her own tyres, but if someone wants to play hero, who is she to stop them?)

"Ha! Is that your trick! Well, I'm not gonna fall for that one anymore!" Hiccup told her, as he leaned on the spanner for another lug nut.

Astrid turned to him, raising an eyebrow as she gave him a knowing smirk. "You just did!" she told him.

"Huh?" he grunted, distracted by the last stubborn lug nut.

Astrid waved her hand towards his work. "What are you doing right now?" she asked pointedly.

Hiccup looked down at the tyre, and realised he had completely loosened all the lug nuts at her bidding. He groaned at himself for falling into her trap.

"You little minx!" he chided her, shaking his head incredulously.

"Who's the master of deception now?" she asked him smugly.

"Yeah, all right," he told her begrudgingly. "Don't have to rub it in."

"Oh, but I do!" she told him with a huge grin, hands on her hips. "Now, hurry up! We have to get out of here, before they come back."

"Okay, don't get your tail in a knot," he grumbled back as he trudged towards her with his spanner.

Astrid was in front as they walked around the other side of the truck, when she noticed something. She immediately pulled back and turned to Hiccup.

"Quick!" she hissed at him, yanking on the front of his shirt to draw him closer to her. "Kiss me!"

Hiccup stumbled at her rough handling. "Woah! Astrid!"

"Just kiss me already!" she insisted urgently, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Hiccup grinned, thinking all his breakfasts had come at once. "Okay! Happy to oblige!"

He pushed her up against the side of the trailer and settled in for some action, when the twins came around the corner.

"Urgh! Enough with the suck face already!" said Tuff, recoiling in total disgust. "What are you two doing here, anyway?" he demanded.

Astrid deliberately took her time separating herself from Hiccup's lips, as she gave the siblings a level glare.

"We needed to go somewhere quiet where we wouldn't be interrupted," she told them flatly.

"Yeah...well, if you didn't want to be interrupted, you should have picked a motel," Tuff told them brusquely, as he went to push past them. "Go find somewhere else to take his tonsils out. We're leaving!"

Tuff and his sister suspiciously eyed the young couple who were considering them with equally suspiciously narrowed eyes, as they passed by each other before heading off in opposite directions.

As soon as Hiccup and Astrid were around the corner, and out of sight of the twins, Hiccup gently circled Astrid's waist with his arm, pulling her up against him with a huge grin on his face.

"I was enjoying that! Wanna finish off what we started?" he asked suggestively.

Astrid grabbed him by the front of his shirt and Hiccup started to think he was going to get lucky, when she told him, "Later, Hot Stuff! Time to go!" And she yanked him along toward their own truck.

"Woah, Astrid! We've gotta stop meeting like this!" he told her as he stumbled along after her determined form.

By the time they reach 'Toothless', Hiccup had his swagger back. He indicated towards the truck. "Ready, m'lady?"

"Yup, but can I take Toothless for a spin this time?" she asked.

"Sure…why not!" he agreed, handing over the keys.

They both scaled their respective sides of the truck and opened their doors to get in, but when Astrid grabbed the steering wheel and swung into her seat, a loud sound erupted from under her backside at the same time as she realised there was something sticky covering the steering wheel. Hiccup on the other side of the cab, had a very clear view of her face and watched in fascination and amusement as her eyes opened wide in shock, then embarrassment and horror at the drawn out sound which was quite unmistakable. For a moment he thought about laughing but as he noticed her frowning, he decided to err on the side of caution and not say anything, although he was struggling quite a bit to hold it all in. His cheeks puffed out and his lips pursed as her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, her teeth grinding slowly together.

She still hadn't said anything, but if looks could kill Ruff and Tuff would be dead men…women…man and woman…for who else would have pulled a prank such as this one?

Hiccup slowly and gingerly pulled some wet wipes from the sleeper and gently leaned forward to start wiping down the steering wheel, all the while keeping his attention very much on her, not wanting to bear her wrath.

As he did, she spoke in a low, dark tone, "I. Need. To wash. My hands," before climbing back down out of the seat rather awkwardly as she tried not to touch anything more with the goo still on her hands.

Hiccup found himself undergoing all sorts of facial athletics as he tried desperately to NOT laugh until he could see that she was safely out of range, before giving in and exploding into laughter, until the tears streamed down his face and he fell back helpless against the seat, the vision of her mortified face still very fresh in his mind. He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't help it, and he knew he was going to cop it at some point or another anyway, but still he laughed!

Finally he had managed to pull back to a chuckle as he returned to his task of cleaning the goo off the steering wheel and gear knob. He felt he should probably be angry at the twins for breaking into his truck and messing with his cab, but he couldn't right now. Astrid would be vengeful enough for the both of them anyway.

He finished up in time to see Astrid striding back furiously to the truck. She hopped up to the open door, but didn't get in. First, she searched under the seat cover and come up with what she had been looking for….a whoopee cushion. Picking it up in disgust she threw it out of the truck, before slipping behind the wheel again, although she did sit down a little gingerly, perhaps suspecting there may be another one hidden somewhere.

Hiccup had been sitting quietly watching her with a smirk on his face. But it soon fell off as she glared at him. "Did you do this?"

He put his hands up, "No! No! Astrid! Why would you think that? I wouldn't do any of that to my own truck! Besides, it was obviously a twin distraction."

She glared at him suspiciously but said nothing further, only reaching over to start up the truck, before shifting into low gear and starting the wheels rolling.

Hiccup just couldn't do it...he couldn't keep quiet.

"What about those twins huh? What little _stinkers_ they are, messing with my truck."

Astrid narrowed her eyes but kept driving.

"Is there enough _gas_ in the tank?" he asked, supposedly innocently.

"Never mind, with the _wind_ behind us, we'll make it to the next stop easily."

She gave him a withering look, but kept her focus on the road.

"Do you think Snotlout will _blast_ past us today? Maybe not."

"Hiccup! If you open your mouth once more, you are going to lose a few teeth!" she told him with her jaw clenched tightly.

"Oop! I'm done!" he put his hands in the air to surrender before climbing out of his seat to retreat into the sleeper. He sat on the side of the bed and wrapped his arms around his waist to laugh silently to himself before flopping backwards onto the mattress.

"I can still see you!" she warned, glaring at him.

Hiccup immediately leaned forward and pulled the curtain closed.

-oOo-

Tuff was driving along the highway, minding his own business, when he casually checked the side view mirror. He immediately did a double take.

"Uh, Ruff? We're about to be overtaken," he told his sister.

"What? By who?" she asked, not caring about proper diction. (Whom, not who...)

"Not by who...by what?" he replied, still keeping a close eye on the mirror. (He didn't care about proper diction either.)

"What?" she asked, totally confused.

"Yeah! I already said that," he told her, chuckling to himself. "Did you forget to check the tyres before we left?" he asked, glancing over towards her.

"No," she admitted. "It was your turn."

He shook his head with a grim smile. "No, it was yours. But Fishlegs sucked your brains out, and you forgot."

Ruff scowled, and crossed her arms over her chest as Tuff went back to the side mirror. "And now we're about to be overtaken by our own tyre."

"No way! How are we gonna catch it?"

"With a really big net maybe?" he suggested with a shrug. He followed the wayward tyre with his eyes as he watched it roll past them, then drift off the highway and into the thick scrub on the side of the road, burying itself deep in the greenery.

He applied the brakes and shifted down through the gears, the motor complaining about the sudden change in revs.

He pulled up with a hiss of the airbrakes on the side of the road, and turned to look at his sister. "Feel like a spot of bushwalking?" he asked.

"No! Are you kidding me?" she asked incredulously.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" he asked, flipping his dreads back over his shoulder.

"Yeah, actually," she told him with a small shrug.

He gave a noncommittal sniff. "Guess that's 'cause I usually do. But not today. Get your boots on woman. We're going in."

Ruff rolled her eyes and groaned, before slipping out of her seat into the sleeper to search for her shoes.

"Do you think Fishlegs did this?" she asked in a muffled tone, her head buried in the cupboard.

"Nah! He only does lame stuff," he started off automatically before scowling as he remembered something unpleasant that had happened earlier that day. "This is Hiccup and Astrid's work."

Ruff popped out with her boots and started to put them on. "They were close by our truck!"

"Yeah...They distracted us with all that kissy kissy stuff..." he puffed out in annoyance. "That's twice in one day we've been suckered in by a pair of lips! First with Fishlegs..."

Tuff glanced over at his sister with a look of disgust, as she sighed dreamily. "...then with Hiccup and Astrid trying to put us off our game! We are sooo planning revenge!" he cackled in a terrifying manner.

"Wonder how they went with the whoopee cushion?" asked Ruff as she stuck her half shod foot up on the dash and used it as leverage to push her foot completely into the tight boot.

"Oh yeah!" grinned Tuff in remembrance. "Payback!"

It was only much later, when they'd managed to struggle out from between the trees, rolling a highly prized tyre towards their empty trailer, that Tuff decided something. He shook his head as the two of them attempted to reconnect the wayward tyre to the empty hub and realised too late, that all the lug nuts were missing and they were going to have to stop somewhere to get some more. Huffing and puffing, the two then hauled the very heavy tyre up onto their flatbed and strapped it down.

Tuff wiped a sweaty arm across his brow and told his sister, "Forget the whoopee cushion...we're going all out!"

Ruff reached over and high fived her brother. "Ohhh, yeah! Hiccup! You are going down!"

-oOo-

Later that day, Hiccup was sitting at the counter at another 'Choke and Puke' diner, casually eating his hot chips. He glanced sideways to briefly note the twins entering through the double doors and kept on chewing.

The twin blondes stopped to order their food from the waitress, then sidled up to him, "Hey Hiccup! How was the trip? No nuclear _bombs_ go off?" they sniggered.

"Yeah, did you have to _toot_ your horn?

Hiccup raised an eyebrow at them. "You know, that was an amateurish prank at best. I'm surprised at you two. Must have been getting desperate, hey?"

"You can't deny the classics, my man. And a whoopee cushion is a classic!"

Hiccup's mouth twitched slightly as he dug lower into his chip cup.

"I must say, H man, you are taking this all rather calmly. Don't wanna let us know how much we rattled your cage, is that it?" Tuff asked boastfully.

Hiccup picked up his drink to wash the salt down. He placed the bottle back on the counter. "Ohh, I'm very calm, Tuff. You see….I have every reason to be…but you don't."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You know that _classic_ stunt you pulled?"

"Duh! Yeah! It was awesome, dude! We're thinking of trying it on Snotlout next!" they sniggered again.

"Well, you didn't get me," he added cryptically.

"We did so get you!" Ruff complained.

Hiccup only shook his head, finishing off the last of the chips before standing up.

"Nope, sorry! It wasn't me you pranked….it was Astrid," he told them meaningfully.

"Astrid? Astrid sat on the whoopee cushion?" Tuff was confused.

"Uh oh! You know what that means, don't you, bro," Ruff told her brother, wide eyed in fear.

"That Astrid let Fluffy fly?" said Tuff, still not understanding.

"Nope!" responded a cheerful Hiccup. The twins' food arrived but neither made a move to eat it. They were staring at Hiccup.

"Just ask yourself this….Where is Astrid right now?"

The twins looked at each other horrified, then raced out the door straight towards their truck. Hiccup chuckled and picked up the twins food before walking out the door with it.

"They are _soo_ easy! I wonder if Astrid likes fish burgers…."

* * *

 **It goes without saying folks...don't try this at home! Things are heating up in the prank stakes! Sometimes literally! Stay tuned for your next installment, hopefully by next week. Hope you are getting plenty of chuckles out of this story. I had all sorts of fun with Fishlegs on his secret mission...hope you did too!**


	9. Chapter 9

The twins frantically rushed towards their truck, hoping that they would get there before Astrid created havoc with their favourite rig.

"Oh my precious baby! What did that mean Astrid do to you?" Tuff simpered as he ran his hands along the metal, searching frantically for any signs of tampering. He couldn't find any, but that didn't stop him from probing for any nefarious acts against his truck.

Meanwhile, Ruff noticed something else going on further over in the parking bays.

"There's Hiccup! He's leaving...with our food!" she cried out, pointing towards the man of the hour getting into the cab of his truck with two burgers.

Tuff hurriedly turned towards the direction she indicated, putting his hand up to shade his eyes.

"Astrid's already over there!" he added, wide eyed. Scowling, he stomped his foot in frustration, "Dagnammit! He pulled a swifty on us... and took our burgers! I even paid for them already!"

Ruff laughed good-naturedly as she conceded defeat with reluctant admiration. "He's not called the master prankster for nothing!" she reminded Tuff.

Her brother was not willing to give in quite so quickly. "But he stole our food!" he complained. Ruff only shook her head and rolled her eyes at him. "I'll buy some more for you, Tuff. Don't worry, we've got our big plan to pull off yet. He'll pay...and then some..." she reminded him with an evil laugh.

"Yeah," Tuff replied with a knowing scowl. "He'll pay alright...But first...I'm going over there to steal our food back...then I'm going to turn my ferociously evil laser beam eyeballs on them and 'explode' them sky high!" Ruff laughed as Tuff went to step out...but was blocked by another truck pulling up beside them, with a hiss of the airbrakes. Tuff was about to yell at the other driver for getting in his road, when he realised who it was.

"Hey Snotface!" he yelled in irritation. "You're in my road! I was about to explode the thief who stole my food!"

In the background, he could hear 'Toothless' start up.

"Can it, dweeber breath. Or I'll explode you!" Snotlout retaliated, as he climbed out of his truck to stand before them.

Ruff interrupted the explosion party. "Whatcha doing here so late?" she asked. Behind Snot's truck, they could hear Hiccup driving away. Tuff sighed in defeat.

Snotlout frowned. " _Someone_ took out all my valve stems and let my tyres down!" he growled. "Luckily, I had some spares, but it took _ages_ to pump the tyres up again!" He glared at the twins as if he suspected them.

"Don't look at us, man! We got hit as well. Hiccup loosened up our trailer tyre, and we had to chase it down the highway. Now we don't have any lug nuts to put it back on!"

Snotlout laughed callously, "Ha! Ha! You guys are total rookies! Didn't you check your tyres before you left?"

Tuff glared at his twin. "My _sister_ let her brains fall out when Fishlegs snogged her silly. She _forgot_ to check!"

Ruff glared right back. "Hey! Don't blame me! You could've checked them too!" she retaliated.

"Yeah, but it was your turn!" he blatantly reminded her. "And now we have to find some more lug nuts! How are we gonna find any around here?" Tuff threw up his hands in total exasperation.

"Lug nuts?" asked Snotlout, his arms crossed over his chest. "I've got extras. You want them?" he asked, with a cunning glint in his eye.

Tuff turned back to the burly man, "Is 'Meatlug' a stone munching beast? Of _course_ , we want them! Where are they?" he demanded.

"Uh, ah!" Snotlout shook his head and wagged his finger at them. "What are you prepared to give in return?" he questioned.

Tuff huffed in annoyance as he turned to his wayward sister. "What do you reckon?" he asked her irritably, still feeling testy about the whole situation.

She shrugged carelessly. "How about lunch?" she suggested casually.

Snotlout thought about it for a moment. "Alright! I accept!"

"Great!" said Tuff. "Now can we have them please?"

"Sure," agreed Snot. "I'll go get them for you." He headed off around the other side of the truck to dig them out of his toolbox.

After he had stepped out of sight, Ruff noticed something.

"Aww! Isn't he sweet!" she told her brother, giving him a nudge to get his attention.

Tuff glanced in the direction she was pointing. "Heh, yeah!" he agreed. But his face soon scrunched up in disgust. "Ew, gross! What's he doing that for?"

Ruff rolled her eyes at him. "You dunderhead! Why do you think? That's what they normally do!"

"Oh, yeah!..."

Whatever Tuff was going to say next was forgotten as Snot noisily appeared around the front of the truck, the precious lug nuts in his hands as he counted them, not paying much attention to where he was going.

"...five, six, seven..."

He was about to take another step, when he noticed something on the ground. He paused with his foot held aloft as he studied the item. He handed the lug nuts to Tuff, then stepped over the pile on the dirt.

"Ahh! Think you can get me with the old fake dog poo, hey?" he nodded as he gloated at them, clearly thinking how clever he was. "I see how it is...get me distracted then whip out the old do-it-yourself goo. Well, I'm not falling for that trick!"

And before either of them could say or do anything, Snotlout had scooped up the soft brown mixture from the ground, rolling it around between his fingers.

Ruff raised her hand and opened her mouth to say something...but Tuff elbowed her in the ribs instead, giving her a wide grin and a warning shake of his head. She immediately put on a devious smile and watched gleefully as Snotlout inadvertently pranked himself.

"Ngh!" Tuff shrugged noncommittedly to Snotlout, neither denying nor confirming.

"What is this stuff?" Snotlout asked in fascination, as he continued to play with the brown gloop in his hand. He stuck his nose up close to it and sniffed.

"It even smells like the real thing! This is crazy, man! Is it edible too?" he asked them, sticking his tongue out.

Ruff couldn't handle it anymore and burst out laughing.

Tuff warned, "I wouldn't do that if I was you."

Snotlout raised his eyebrows at them, his tongue still hanging out... soooo close to the warm pile of ...stuff...in his hands.

"Huh? Why not? I thought all of your goo was edible?" he asked, sucking his tongue back in. (Phew!)

"Yeah...ours is..." Tuff shook his head as Ruff leaned on her brother's shoulder, still laughing hard. "But his isn't." He indicated behind Snotlout.

"Wha...?" Snotlout turned around, but couldn't see anybody. The only thing there was a brown, mangy mutt snuffling around his tyres.

Snot was confused. "Who? There's nobody there!"

"Yeah, there is. Look again." Tuff advised him, his grin growing wider by the second.

"Tuff...there's no one there except a dog. Are you trying to mess with me, man?" Snotlout was becoming agitated at Tuff being so cryptic.

"Not this time, dude. The _dog_ made that for you." Tuff had to spell it out, cause Ruff was ready to burst with all the laughing, and Tuff was barely holding it together as well.

"The dog...?" Snotlout was still trying to work it out, even as he thoughtlessly kept squelching the brown pile of goop in his fingers, still enjoying the 'authentic' feel of it.

"How could the dog make this?" he asked. Then finally...reality hit, and Snotlout's face changed instantly from one of total confusion to one of horrified comprehension.

"Arghhhhhh!"

Tuff and Ruff roared with laughter, as Snotlout quickly flung the dog poo out of his hand and raced off to wash...make that scrub with a wire brush and a bucket load of disinfectant...his hands!

The twins were bent over double from laughing so hard. They even started to get a stitch! But finally, they were able to ease off enough to try and speak again. Although it took a couple of tries.

"That was great!" Tuff gasped, as he wiped tears of joy from his eyes. "We didn't have to do anything! He just dug his own hole and then buried himself in it!"

"I know! Pranking Snotlout is so easy! Maybe we should make that dog an honorary member of our team!"

Tuff immediately knelt down and called out to the stray, who raised his ears at them before sidling over, his tail wagging happily. Tuff gave the dog a few pats on the head and told him, "I now make you an honorary member of the Zippleback twins. Feel free to poop under Snotlout's feet anytime you see him! ...Just make sure you stay away from ours...deal?"

The dog responded with a lick to his hand.

Ruff bent over to give the mutt a pat too. "Aww! He accepted!"

"Of course, he did! I told you...dogs like me!"

"Come on...let's go get some lunch!"

* * *

Fishlegs almost stumbled over his own feet in his eagerness to get inside the diner. He was scouring through the crowd, searching excitedly for somebody...make that somebodies! He quickly zeroed in on his targets, pushing his way through the other customers to reach them.

"Hey, guys!" Fishlegs waved enthusiastically towards the twins as he approached. Ruff's face lit up when she saw him and she waved back, but Tuff turned away in disdain. "Oh great..." he said sarcastically. "Here's lover boy...come back for round two, I suppose," he said flatly, a sneer twisting his features.

He coughed, when a very pointy elbow shot into his ribs.

"Hey Fishlegs!" welcomed Ruff, after she shot a warning glare towards her unrepentant brother.

"How was your trip? Any problems?" Fishlegs asked energetically.

Tuff glared at him sceptically. "Are you kidding me? Of course, we had problems...thanks to your little 'Ruff intervention' scheme," he complained loudly. He earned himself a wallop to the back of the head this time.

"Stop that!" he frowned at Ruff, as he rubbed the back of his head.

"You stop it first," she demanded.

Fishlegs was taken aback at Tuff's full scale hostility.

"Uh...did I miss something?" he wondered hesitantly. "Did something happen?"

"Did something happen? Don't make me laugh!" Tuff replied bitterly. "You...and your fishlips...scrambled little Miss Lovelorn's brains here...and we had to go scrabble through the bush to find the tyre that deviant Hiccup had loosened off!" he exclaimed with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"Oh!" Fishlegs wavered, a flash of disappointment seeming to overcome him for a moment.

"Don't mind him," Ruff told him as she 'accidentally' knocked her brother off his chair. "He's just sour he got beaten at his own game. Come and sit here beside me," she invited with a leery smile, patting the now empty chair.

"Uh...okay," said the big man, a little apprehensive. He sat down hesitantly and gave her a nervous smile. Something about her reminded him of a circling shark. Tuff just stormed off and grabbed another chair, coming back to sit on it with a heavy thud.

Fishlegs licked his lips nervously. "So...umm...nothing else happen on your trip?" He gave a false smile.

Ruff thought for a moment. "Nup!"

He kept hedging. "Uh...did you notice anything unusual?...Maybe something was a little bit...uh...smelly?" he questioned timidly.

Ruff narrowed her eyes and eyed him off thoughtfully. "Smelly? Nah! Did you sniff anything different?" she turned to her reluctant twin.

He shrugged. "Nothing more than usual."

Fishlegs false smile dropped. "So you're really telling me you never noticed anything smelly?"

Tuff shook his head. "Nope! Why? Were we supposed to?" he asked with complete disinterest, picking at some fascinating fluff off his shirt.

"Ah...yeah!" Fishlegs told them, nodding his head in dismay. "I put chicken poop in your air vents," he admitted as he cringed, waiting for the violent rebuff to come his way.

"You did? When?" asked Tuff, totally surprised. He never thought Fishlegs had it in him to do something like that. His appraisal of the man's pranking abilities went up by about 0.05%.

"At the last diner," Fish told them, totally stunned that all his hard work had fallen so flat!

"Oh..." Tuff shrugged. "Sorry Fishlegs...Our truck always smells so bad anyway, we didn't even notice."

"Yeah," Ruff added. "We usually put stuff down our _own_ air vents!"

Fishlegs couldn't believe this at all! He spluttered, "But I... _stole_...chicken poop! And then climbed up...then it wouldn't go in...I had to _touch_ it!..." he got off the stool to pace, waving his hands around in agitation.

"How do you steal chicken poop?" asked Tuff bewildered. "I thought they gave it away for free?"

"I _took_ it...without asking...from a shed!" Fishlegs bellowed at the dreadlocked young man. "For nothing!" He started pacing again.

Ruff got up to sidle next to Fishlegs. She indicated to her brother to join her. "Come on Tuff. Fishlegs needs us."

Tuff gave her a ' _Do I really have to_?' look, but got up anyway. He joined his sister in looping his arms loosely around the very stout man, "Don't worry, Fishlegs...they'll be more chances to do your thing...don't give up just yet...blah, blah, blah," he told the bewildered man mechanically.

Ruff scowled and elbowed her brother away from Fishlegs. "Oww! Do your own consoling then!" he told her with a dismissive wave, sitting down again and ignoring the both of them. Ruff gave Fishlegs a tight squeeze and told him warmly, "You did good Fishy...just to the wrong people, that's all. I was very impressed by your gumption. Keep working on it, and you'll get it soon enough!"

He blushed as she reached up and gave him a peck on the cheek, before releasing him and sitting down again, patting the empty stool for Fishlegs to join them. He sat.

At this point, the twin's lunch arrived. Tuff had ordered a meat pie...he couldn't bear to be reminded of the fish burger that had got away...and he ripped the top off in enthusiastic appreciation, stuffing it into his mouth and not minding the burn. He then poured half a bottle's worth of tomato sauce over the exposed meat.

Ruff shook her head at his antics. "You got enough meat pie with your sauce?" she asked, her voice heavily laced with sarcasm.

Tuff didn't even miss a beat. "Just right," he told her, licking some stray drops of heavenly tomatory flavour off his fingers.

Ruff only shook her head. She'd lived with him all her life, but still couldn't understand his compulsion to bury every single pie with sauce.

Fishlegs found himself staring at all the meaty goodness sloshing around inside Tuff's pie...and an idea began to form. He stuck his hand in his pocket, and his fist closed around something that he happened to have in there. It was an odd thing to keep in your pocket, but Fishlegs hung around with an odd group and some of that had to rub off on him at some point.

"Oh look! Is that Hiccup coming back?" he suddenly spouted to the twins, pointing outside.

"Huh?" Both Tuff and Ruff swivelled their heads back towards the doors. This was Fishleg's moment, as he quickly withdrew the fake cockroach he had in his pocket and shoved it into Tuff's open pie, making sure only the ugly head of it was poking out. Then, with his eyes shining brightly in anticipation, he told them, "Oh sorry. Must've been someone else."

Tuff rolled his eyes, and turned his attention back to his lunch.

Fishlegs almost giggled as he waited with baited breath (what he did he bait it with, and what was he hoping to catch?) for Tuff's reaction.

What he was expecting, and what he got were two totally different things.

Tuff picked up the pie, and lifted it towards his open mouth.

Fishlegs stared at him, wide eyed, waiting for the man to notice something odd about his food... but it hadn't happened yet.

The pie was inching closer to his gaping maw, and Fishlegs eyes opened wider, his breath hitched as time seemed to slow down. He was mesmerised by the impending horrific scene he was about to witness as he realised something dreadful...Tuff hadn't noticed!

The pie entered Tuff's cavernous mouth, and he started to close his jaw over his food...right on top of the fake cockroach! Fishlegs panicked.

"Stop!" he yelled, reaching up to yank the pie right out of Tuff's mouth! He watched in awed fascination as Tuff jolted backwards and minced meat stained with sauce sprayed through the air, the mini projectiles landing on everything within a one pie spewing radius!

"What the...?" yelled Tuff as he unexpectedly found his food no longer in his mouth, but spread out all over the table. Even more startling, was to find a large bulky man scrambling through the remains of his pie and yanking out a small solid object that looked suspiciously like...

His thoughts were interrupted once more as Fishlegs, without warning, shook the item back and forth in a frenzied motion. More droplets of meat and sauce coated Tuff's face.

"Fishlegs! Dude! Have you gone mad?" he roared. Ruff was bent over double beside him, laughing at the entire scene. She was shocked too, but could appreciate a total disaster when she saw one!

Fishlegs shoved the plastic insect towards Tuff's face in answer, and Ruff lit up in understanding.

"Aww...look at that, Tuff! He tried to trick you with a fake cockroach in your food! Isn't that just adorable!" said Ruff in a cutesy voice.

"Yeah...wonderful!" grumbled her brother as he attempted to wipe sprayed bits of minced meat off his face and clothes. "That was my lunch! That's the second time today I've lost food!" he complained loudly.

"I'll pay for your meal," Fishlegs quickly intervened, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket and throwing out some cash.

Ruff got up and attempted to pat the big man on the head, but couldn't reach. So she settled for his shoulder. "That was such a sweet little prank, Fishlegs! Maybe one day, when you're all grown up, you'll be able to prank with the big boys!"

Fishlegs turned red with embarrassment.

Tuff quickly picked up the cash and stuck his hand out to capture the attention of the passing waitress. "Maybe you should take a few lessons from Hiccup," he suggested. He chuckled as he remembered a previous prank. "Like taking valve stems out of tyres!"

Fishlegs huffed indignantly. "Hiccup didn't do that! I did!" he exclaimed loudly.

The twins sniggered at him, "Really, Fishlegs? You did that?" Tuff said to him in a tone that clearly indicated he thought Fishlegs had a better chance of climbing to the moon and back, than of actually pulling off that particular stunt. He gave his third lunch order to the waitress.

"That was me! All me!" grumbled the big man, pointing towards himself with a thumb. "I took the valve stems out, and threw them under Snotlout's truck. He was just too blind to find them!" he complained with a frown.

The twins turned to each other. "Sounds like something Snotty would do," admitted Tuff. Ruff grinned and patted Fishlegs arm. "Aren't you a clever little Fishlegs!" she told him in the same tone that you would use to say ' _good boy_ ' to an eager-to-please puppy.

Fishlegs frowned a little.

Tuff grinned proudly, "Ah! He's growing up! Almost ready to move up to the harder stuff!" he told Ruff.

Ruff turned to her brother, "Oh Tuff...we need to pause a moment to reflect on this important step in his becoming a fully-fledged prankster!" she sighed wistfully.

The two locked arms and touched heads as they gave a dubious Fishlegs their best weird fake grin.

Fishlegs rolled his eyes and shook his head, finally turning and stomping away. "You two have rocks in your head!" he muttered.

Ruff wiped away an imaginary tear, "They grow up so fast!" she told Tuff, as she hung onto his arm, watching Fishlegs leave the diner just like a proud mother.

"Such a moment!" he concurred, before shaking her off as his third lunch arrived. He promptly sat down, leaning over and guarding his food by wrapping one arm around the plate and glaring suspiciously at anyone who strayed too close. The other hand was heavily involved with shoving the food into his mouth as quickly as possible before it got taken away from him again.

He managed to get the last mouthful in just as Snotlout came back into the diner, his hands now scrubbed clean.

Ruff sniggered, "Hey Snotlout! Are your hands clean now?" she openly teased.

Snotlout scowled and huffed. "I can't believe you two didn't tell me!" he complained. "And yes, my hands are clean! It took about a bucket of disinfectant, but they're clean! See?" He held out his hand to the twins, who almost passed out from the very strong chemical smell wafting over from him.

"Phew! Snotlout!" Tuff waved the air in front of his nose. "You smell worse than our mother's bathroom!"

Snot pulled his hand back to sniff at it. He jerked his nose away and coughed at the strong odour. "Heh! Yeah...might have gone a little overboard," he agreed. "Doesn't matter! You two owe me lunch!" he reminded them in a loud tone.

"That's right! Lug nuts!" exclaimed Ruff.

"You're on!" agreed Tuff, cocking his finger at Snotlout.

I mean...it's just lunch. What harm could come from that...right?

* * *

 **Cockroaches are considered a delicacy in some parts of the world...just not mine! And fake cockroaches are never good for you... Just had to put that disclaimer out there...**


	10. Chapter 10

**If you've ever attempted this feat...you have my sympathy! I'm sure Snotlout will have yours by the end!**

* * *

Snotlout and the twins were at the diner, where the twins owed Snotlout a full lunch. They were searching through the menu.

"Hey Snot! You're Lord of the Flames, aren't you?" sung out Tuffnut.

" _Accidentally_ set my clothes on fire ONCE..." sighed Snot, rolling his eyes.

"Nah! He means you're the Chilli King," corrected Ruffnut.

"Oh!...Yeah baby! The hotter the better!" boasted Snotlout, waving his fingers towards himself in a 'bring it on' gesture, as he swaggered closer to the twins.

"You up for a challenge?" dared Tuff, with Ruff sniggering behind him.

"Involving what?...Flames or chilli?" questioned Snot.

"Both, if we're lucky. This diner does a mean Chilli Wings...but you can also strike it lucky," teased Tuff.

"What do you mean?" asked Snot, his curiosity peaked.

"He means...if you can eat two dozen of their special chilli wings in under three minutes, you'll win a prize and end up on their Wall of Fame," said Ruff, indicating towards the photos of previous prize winners on the Diner's wall.

"Ha! That's easy! I can do that with one hand behind my back!" boasted Snotlout.

"Well, that would make you 'armless," jibed Ruff, "But it's not that easy. If you win, you get your photo on the wall, a t-shirt with "Hot Stuff" written on it, and $50 cash!"

"No probs! Bring it on!" smirked Snot.

"Not so fast, Snot man!" Tuff held up his hand. "How about we make this a little more interesting?" he wiggled his eyebrows at Snot.

"Like how?"

"Like maybe Ruff and I will put up another hundred dollars if you can do it," suggested Tuff with a calculating glance at his sister. She nodded back.

"Make it a hundred each, and you're on," said Snot grinning, sticking his hand out to shake Tuff's.

Ruff questioned his sister with a raised eyebrow. She nodded back eagerly, her eyes narrowed in glee.

"We are so on," she agreed, as Tuff extended his hand to meet Snot's.

"Okay! You asked for it!" said Tuff, as he went to order the chilli wings. Ruff and Snot sat down at the nearest table, and prepared a space for the chilli challenge. Other interested patrons kept glancing over towards them, and Snot nodded towards them, "Yeah, you better be looking! See how the Master gets it done!"

"Soo...does that make you Master of the Chilli? Or Master of the Flame? Or just the Master of Insanity?" queried Ruff, raising a smug eyebrow at her friend.

Snot thought about it, "How about Master of the Insanely Flamed Chilli?"

Ruff grinned, "That's truer than you know," she quipped.

"Huh?"

"Oh, looky here! Tuff's got your chilli wings!" said Ruff quickly as Tuff walked over with a tray containing chilli wings, napkins, a timer and several litres of milk.

Snotlout rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Let's get this show on the road!"

"Yeah...lets!" agreed Tuff with an evil grin, winking at his twin.

"Is there plenty of _special_ sauce on the chicken?" asked Ruff cryptically.

"Ohh baby...we'll be seeing flames tonight!" promised Tuff with a nod.

Snotlout hadn't noticed the exchange, or he might have hesitated before committing himself to eating food that had passed through the hands of the madcap twins. As it was, his fate was sealed.

Ruff set up the timer, while Snot spaced out the other items around him.

"Ready?" she asked, her finger hoovering over the 'start' button.

"The Snotman is READY!" he yelled, for the benefit of the many curious onlookers.

"Okay...GO!" Ruff shouted, as Snot dug in to the first of the twenty-four super spicy chicken wings. He polished it off quickly in a well-practiced motion, and was half way through the second before the heat started to bite back.

"Whoof!" he breathed out quickly, before pushing forward into his third. He had mowed his way through that one and the next, when beads of sweat started to appear on his forehead. Ruff dabbed them away with a napkin.

"Come on Snottykins! Kick that chicken's butt!" she encouraged loudly.

"You can do it, bro!" enthused Tuffnut, as he leaned eagerly over the table, watching Snotlout closely.

Snot merely grunted as he took a quick swig of milk. He grimaced at the strange taste, but paid no attention to it as he eyed off the timer and continued his assault on the chilli wings.

He got the fifth and sixth wings down, but Ruff watched fascinated as his face turned bright red, and his eyes bulged a little. The heat was really building up in in his mouth, and Snot was finding it harder to keep pushing on. But he was determined to win easy money from the twins.

He got a seventh wing in, before he had to gulp down some more milk. It soothed his throat, and eased some of the burn, but he couldn't drink too much as it would eat into his time, so he gritted his teeth and chomped into his eighth wing, his eyes closing against the pain.

"Feel the burn!" yelled Tuff, slapping his hand on the table. The crowd around the table had grown, morbidly fascinated with Snot's course of self-destruction. "Go! Go! Go!" chanted Ruff, encouragingly. Some in the crowd echoed her, the din starting to rise in the small diner.

Snotlout hesitated for a moment before reaching for his ninth wing, and Ruff saw it. "Think of the money, Snotface!" she yelled in his ear as he chewed. He shook his head and leaned away from her as he forced the tenth wing past his swollen lips. He stopped to blow out the hot air that was burning the sensitive tissue inside his mouth, the heat causing the air to distort in front of Snotlout's face.

"We have flames!" yelled Tuff, punching his fists over his head triumphantly, as the crowd cheered around him.

"Ten down! Fourteen left to go! The Snotman is on a roll!" shouted Ruff as she stood up beside him excitedly. She grabbed a handful of napkins to mop around his face, as he was sweating quite profusely by now, his hair slicking to the sides of his face.

"Come on, baby! Show us what you got!" she cried, thumping him on the back, making him choke. He scowled at her, as she pulled her hand back. "Oops! Sorry about that! Got a little excited!" she giggled at him.

"One minute, fifteen seconds gone...and so have a dozen wings," called out Tuff. "Can he do it, folks? Can he hold out for another dozen hot ones?"

Snotlout's eyes were beginning to roll to the back of his head, as he took another swig of milk and breathed out some more 'flames'. His face was beetroot red now, and he looked as if he'd single-handedly bench-pressed his own truck. But he wasn't giving in, as he grimly went for a thirteenth wing, his fingers slick with the chilli sauce and burning hot.

The pain in his mouth was immense and Snotlout kept his eyes shut tight, as he forced himself to keep chewing. He felt as if he literally had a mouthful of flames, the heat was so intense. He was sure if he stuck a raw egg in there, it would come out cooked in seconds.

He cracked open one eyelid to check out the timer. One minute, twenty-five seconds down. That last wing had taken longer than expected. He hastily gulped down some more milk, and reached for a fourteenth.

"Slowing down, Lord of the Flames," warned Tuff. "Pick up the pace! Don't let a plate of miserable chicken wings beat you, man!" he called out, as the crowd grew louder.

"You're the man that set your clothes on fire!" Ruff yelled. "While you were still wearing them!...A dozen wings is _nothing_ for a hero like you!" she enthused, dancing beside him, mopping his face haphazardly with more napkins.

Snotlout frowned in determination as he dropped the bones from the fifteenth and took hold of the sixteenth.

"Are his lips...bleeding?" asked Tuff in awe, as he paused to inspect the super-heated skin on Snot's face. Ruff leaned over Snot's shoulder and stuck her head upside down to see what Tuff was looking at. "He might be..." she wondered, not really sure if it was because of the red chilli sauce, or his red skin, or his swollen lips.

"Awesome, dude!" exclaimed Tuff, as he fist-bumped his sister. "That chilli made you bleed!"

"How cool is that?" laughed Ruff.

"How _hot_ is that?" corrected Tuffnut, as Snotlout groaned and grabbed another mouthful of milk. He paused to take a few heavy breaths, the heat from his mouth burning the skin on his arms.

"Don't stop now!" cried out Tuff, staring at the timer. "Two minutes, ten seconds! Hurry, Snot! You can still do it!"

Snotlout eyed off the remaining eight wings, and glanced again at the timer. Two minutes, thirteen seconds. His eyeballs were starting to melt, and he could barely see through the tears streaming down his face. He was sure his head was about to explode, and he could feel every inch of his chilli lined oesophagus leading into the fiery pit of hell, that was currently his stomach.

Ruff leaned down beside him and rubbed her fingers together, as she sang in a lower voice, "Money, money, money, money!"

"Two minutes, fifteen seconds!" yelled Tuff, as shouts of encouragement came from complete strangers.

Snot squeezed his eyes shut tight, and grasped onto the seventeenth chilli wing. He hesitated a second, then doggedly shoved it between his teeth, stripping the flesh from the bones with a growl.

"Yeah!" whooped Ruff. "He's not out yet!"

"My man, Snot! He won't let us down!" hollered Tuff, leaping and punching the air excitedly on the other side of the table. He grabbed a young woman off her chair behind him, and danced with her to the chanting of the congregated throng, his dreadlocks waving wildly behind him.

Snotlout wasn't really sure where his lips and tongue were anymore. He just couldn't define where they started or ended, as the pain was so overwhelming.

"Go Snotty! Go Snotty! Go Snotty!" chorused Ruff, mopping his face without looking at him. She accidentally swatted him across his tightly clenched eyelids a few times, but he didn't really care. They were pits of liquid anyway.

"Two minutes, thirty-five seconds!" called Tuff, picking up the timer to check it.

Snotlout hurriedly picked up an eighteenth wing while a small part of his brain distanced itself from him, looking at him from above to ask a very serious question, "Why?"

He ignored it, as he shovelled the chicken into his mouth, chewing quickly, as tears streamed down his face.

"Are...you crying, man?" quizzed Tuff in confusion.

"Nah! He's just putting the fire out," teased Ruff, as she eagerly watched Snot force feed himself more pain.

"I think he's gonna need the entire fire station to put that fire out!" said Tuff as he indicated to the steaming pile of...red...that was Snotlout.

Snot doggedly pursued the nineteenth wing around the almost empty plate, shoving it in over his swollen tongue. He chewed as fast as his aching jaw would allow.

"Two minutes, forty-two seconds!" crowed Tuff, showing the timer to the girl he had been dancing with before.

"Come on, Snot! Five more wings! Don't give up yet!" yelled Ruff, jumping up and down beside him as she whooped and hollered with the crowd around her as they all cheered him on.

"Two minutes, forty-eight seconds!" Tuff shouted as Snot went for his twentieth wing.

"Yeah, Snotty!" encouraged Ruff as she carelessly mopped the sweat from his brow once more, almost pulling his head backwards.

"Show that miserable chicken whose boss!" Tuff demanded, thumping his fist on the table.

"Two minutes, fifty-one seconds!" called out Ruff, as she snatched the timer out of Tuff's hand.

"Hey! Gimme that back! I'm the official time keeper here!" complained Tuff. He vainly tried to grab the timer as Ruff danced beside him, keeping it just out of his reach.

Snot tried to growl, but found he had no voice, so he shoved the twenty-first wing into his mouth instead.

"Let's do this together," suggested Ruff, fending off her brother. She held the timer out at arm's length so they could read it together.

"Seven seconds left!" they chorused as Snot vainly tried to polish off the wing he had, and push another in at the same time. His eyes bulged as he contemplated the two wings still left on the plate.

"Six!"

Snot chewed and ripped as fast as he could, but found two wings at the same time was a bit difficult.

"Five!"

Snotlout threw the half stripped bones on the plate and paused to push out a very hot breath. A member of the crowd who had gotten a little close, reeled back from the heat.

"Four!"

Snot picked up the twenty-third wing and eyed it off warily.

"Three!"

He screwed his eyes up tight, and took a deep breath before shoving the second last wing into his inflamed and raw mouth.

"Two!"

He chewed and chewed as fast as his numb lips would allow, not even sure what his lower face was doing anymore.

"One!"

Snot's eyes opened wide and he picked up the last wing, but just as he had it in front of his opened mouth...

"Zero! Finished!" yelled Ruff and Tuff together, high-fiving each other and the crowd around them.

"You almost made it man!" shouted Tuff as he thumped a sweaty Snotlout on the back, causing the last untouched chilli chicken wing to fly across the table onto the floor.

Snot didn't really care about the lost wing, as his attention shifted to the remaining jug of milk. He grabbed it with both hands and chugged it down as fast as was humanly possible without drowning himself, the rest of it dripping down his chin and on the table. He needed as much of the milky fatness his stomach could handle to coat the red raw tissues on the inside of his mouth and throat.

He paused to take a few ragged breaths half way through, only to be greeted with thumps of commiseration from total strangers as they congratulated him on his valiant effort.

"So close! Great try, man!"

"You have my respect, bro! That was awesome!"

"Never seen a guy blow flames before! Truly wicked!"

"We're coming back to watch you do it again!"

Snotlout rolled his eyes at that one. He secretly felt like he needed hospital attention. He was sure his throat had split. He gasped and let his forehead fall forward and hit the table, as the crowd continued to push up close around him.

An excited Tuff made his way through his new found friends, pausing to smirk and wink suggestively at the blushing girl he had danced with earlier, before slamming a t-shirt in front of the semi-comatose black haired truckie.

"Look at this, Snot dude!" he spoke excitedly. Snot lifted his head slightly and partially opened one bleary and watery eye.

"You didn't get the winner's prize...but you still won an awesome shirt for trying!"

Snot's head thumped back onto the table, as he gave a weak 'thumbs up'. Ruff picked up the shirt and shook it out, turning it around to see what was on it. On the front, it had a cartoon of a man's face with his mouth opened wide and flames pouring out, and the words 'On Fire!' written over the top. On the back of the shirt was a smirking chicken flapping its wings, and the words 'The Chicken Kicked my Butt!' underneath.

"Cool dude! You should totally wear this!" exclaimed Ruff, shoving it in Snot's face. He pushed her away as he sat back up, retrieving the half empty milk jug and literally pouring it down his own throat.

"Ewww!" yelled Ruff as she jumped back to avoid the milk spattering everywhere. "You can keep that to yourself, thanks!"

"What? Don't you know milk is good for your skin?" teased Tuff. "Cleopatra used to bathe in it!"

"And she probably smelt like week old yaks milk!" shot back Ruff, throwing the t-shirt at him.

"Well, you already smell like week old yaks milk, so what's the diff?" Tuff shrugged, as he effortlessly caught the shirt and stepped back a few paces from his glowering sister. He glanced sideways and noticed the girl from before. He suddenly grabbed her and pulled her in front of him, causing her to squeal. He held on tight to her arms and hunkered down behind her slightly, still holding onto the shirt.

"Protect me!" he begged as he laughed, keeping her locked in front of him.

"Stop using that poor girl for your own evil deeds and come out and fight me like a man!" demanded Ruff, her eyes narrowed as she took on a fighting stance and waved him towards her.

"NO!" shouted Tuff, before he stood up straight and pulled the girl beside him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders instead. "I'm a lover, not a fighter!" he told the girl before surprising her with a sloppy kiss to her blushing cheek. He let go of her and winked at her, "Call me!" he cocked his finger at her with both hands, then turned and fled out of the diner, using the mass of people still surrounding Snotlout to his advantage, to hamper Ruff's pursuit of him.

Snot looked up surprised as his friends abandoned him in his hour of need. "Hey!" he tried to call out, but all that escaped was a tiny squeak. Snot rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

Someone offered him a glass of ice cold water, which Snot gladly accepted. He tipped his head back and drank it in one sitting. Standing up to leave, he stuck his hands up in the air in a victory wave as the crowd cheered him on. He was the Snotman after all! It had been a very tight finish, but he still felt like a winner...a winner with a very sore throat, but still a winner!

When he left the diner, walking with a swagger and heading for his truck, his swollen lips were stretched half way across his face. Some of the crowd had followed him out and he waved good bye to them as he looked for the twins. He soon found them, as he saw a grinning Tuff strolling towards him with a struggling Ruff hanging over his shoulder. He soon lost his smirk when Ruff managed to kick a foot straight into his family jewels, and Tuff's face screwed up tight in pain as he doubled over and dropped to his knees, Ruff bouncing back off him as he fell.

Ruff flipped her long braids back off her face, as she growled at her brother rolling on the ground, "That'll teach you to get cocky with me, you troll-faced shazbutt!"

She saw Snot and instantly her scowl changed into a winning grin, "Hey, Snottykins! How are ya, champ?"

He tried to talk, but ended up coughing instead. "Still can't talk yet, huh?" Ruff sniggered as she thumped him on his back. He shook his head.

"Never mind, Snotty. You ended up with a great t-shirt anyway. You should totally wear it." She went to pick up the shirt from the ground where it fallen beside her groaning brother. She gave him a little kick then nonchalantly strolled back to the other suffering male.

"You got chilli juice all over your clothes anyway," she pointed out the mess to him as he glanced down to see what she was looking at. The front of his shirt looked like an explosion of chilli sauce and curdled milk had hit him full force in his chest. What wasn't covered in hot goo, was sticking to him with sweat.

Ruff wrinkled her nose as she leaned in a little closer to sniff. "And you don't smell so pretty anymore, neither," she told him stepping back and waving a hand in front of her face with a not-so-subtle huff.

Snotlout frowned as he turned to sniff himself, and nearly gagged at the end result. He headed off to get cleaned up. When he came back all freshened up and wearing his new shirt, with his mouth starting to feel more normal, he was surprised to find the twins still waiting for him. He assumed they would have been gone by now. They were racing to the Edge after all.

He waved to them and jumped in his truck, starting it up ready to continue his trip. He drove out with the twins close behind. He was surprised but shrugged his shoulders without too much thought. His throat was still a bit rough, so he couldn't ask them about it.

Snotlout had been driving for about half an hour, and noticed the twins were still following behind him. Which was odd. But he didn't really have time to think about it, as he was feeling a little distracted by his rumbling gut. He ignored it, but the sensation kept coming back. Suddenly he felt a bubble rise up his throat and he burped, feeling his chilli-hot breath leave his mouth. He grimaced at the sensation. His stomach grumbled again, more violently this time and Snotlout groaned at the stabbing pain, beads of sweat appearing on his forehead.

Suddenly, his eyes bulged out of their sockets, and he urgently pulled his truck over to the side of the road, not even caring that he was blocking part of the laneway. He leapt out of the cab, without stopping to turn the engine off first.

"SHH...IKES!" he yelled, as he leaped and ran to find a suitable bush beside the road.

The twins immediately noticed Snotlout's truck pulling over, and his burly figure racing towards the bushes. They could clearly see his belt buckle was undone, with his jeans dropping down his legs as he ran, his white naked backside on full display to them.

Ruff slowed down their truck, as they both laughed hard at the sight. "The moon's out early tonight!" cackled Tuff, as he pointed out Snot squatting behind a not-quite-big-enough bush.

Ruff pulled over slightly in front of Snot's truck, and Tuff leaned out the window, "Hey Snot! Did thE chicken bite back?" he yelled to a red-faced, grunting Snotlout.

"GIVE A MAN SOME PRIVACY!" Snot screamed.

"NO WAY! THIS IS TOO MUCH FUN!" hollered back Tuff, leaning further out of the window.

"OH! DO YOU WANT A PIECE OF THE ACTION? I'LL GIVE YOU A PIECE..." threatened Snotlout, before he stopped to groan as another wave of pain contracted through his gut.

"IS YOUR TAIL ON FIRE?" laughed Tuff, knowing full well what happens after hot stuff goes in...it has to come back out...with all the heat still intact.

"GIVE ME SOME PAPER!" demanded Snotlout, realising he was in trouble.

Tuff disappeared inside the cab and came back out a moment later, waving a roll of toilet paper at the distressed man in the bushes.

"DO YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?" teased Tuff, unrolling a few sheets and rubbing it up against his stubbled cheek. "IT'S SUPER SOFT...JUST PERFECT FOR SORE BUTTS!"

"JUST GIVE IT TO ME!" growled Snotlout loudly, stretching his hand out almost desperately.

Ruff giggled behind him as Tuff pretended to pout. "BUT WE'VE ONLY GOT ONE ROLL LEFT! HOW MUCH ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR IT? TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS?"

Snotlout's eyeballs nearly fell out of his head!

"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR COTTON PICKIN' MINDS?"

Tuff laughed maniacally. "OH? FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS THEN? IT'S THE ONLY ROLL IN TOWN!" he teased, picking a few sheets off slowly and then letting them flutter down to the ground below. He opened the door, and stood up with one foot on the seat and the other on the doorframe to get higher.

"WHAATT? ARE YOU INSANE?" roared a desperate man, his backside on fire. There was no way he could just walk away from this. He needed that paper!

"THE PRICE IS ONLY GOING TO GO HIGHER SNOTTY!" teased Tuffnut, winding some of the loo paper around his arm, then up over his head.

Snotlout paused for a moment, then, "FINE! FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! NOW GIVE ME THE PAPER!" he begged desperately.

"OKI DOKI!"

Tuff jumped out of the cab with the paper in his hand, then climbed up the side of Snotlout's still rumbling truck, perching the roll of paper on top of the hood in plain sight of a speechless black haired man. He then agilely jumped down, and back into his own truck. He closed the door and leaned out the window laughing hysterically as Ruff got them back on the road.

Snot screamed a string of obscenities after them that made even Tuff blush.

"Woah dude! Serious anger issues!" he said to Ruff, jerking his thumb out the window to the squatting, _angry_ young man.

"I hope he doesn't get a ticket for littering!" commented Ruff, as they both laughed.

* * *

A couple of hours later, the twins were sitting in the next dingy diner with Hiccup and Astrid, happily chatting with the pair, when in walks Snotlout who frowned furiously at the twins. He had a towel thrown over his shoulder, and his wash bag in his hand as he slowly and painfully, walked gingerly into the building, wincing as his butt cheeks chaffed together. The four friends stared silently at Snotlout as he walked past them to the counter to retrieve the shower room key.

The twins turned to look at each other, sniggering before bursting into laughter, falling up against each other till tears rolled down their cheeks, and they had to hold each other up to prevent themselves falling on the floor. Astrid and Hiccup were bewildered as they glanced at each other. Hiccup shrugged 'I don't know' to Astrid as they stared at the hopeless twins and the severely disgruntled Snotlout.

Hiccup started to ask, "What was _that_ all about?" then hesitated. "Never mind...I'm pretty sure I don't want to know."

Astrid narrowed her eyes at the two, as she indicated to Snot with a jerk of her thumb. "I assume _that_ has something to do with you two jokers."

Ruff and Tuff finally separated from each other and sat up, still chuckling.

"Yup! And two of our favourite friends," said Tuff nonchalantly as he casually pulled out two small bottles from his side pocket and plonked them on the table. "One to start..." he spun the first bottle around so the young couple could read the label, 'Super Hot Chilli Burn Sauce', and see the skull and crossbones on the front.

"...and one for the finish..."

Tuff spun the other bottle around as well to show the label. 'Fast acting Laxative'.

Ruff cackled evilly, "The man's gonna wish he was sitting on ice, so he can put the fire out!"

Just then Snot walked past on his way out the door to a cold shower. He shot daggers at the twins, and yelled, "AND DON'T THINK YOU'RE GETTING YOUR FIVE HUNDRED BUCKS EITHER!"

This caused the twins to howl in laughter and slap the table hard till they finally fell off their chairs and collapsed on the floor, banging their heads together on the way down.

"Owww!" said one from the floor, invisible behind the table.

"But that was so worth it!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Back with some more action. Please remember the M rating (for cruelty to trucks)...and don't try this at home folks. Seriously. Someone will** ** _really_** **get upset if you do.**

* * *

Fishlegs still hadn't made it to the diner...or maybe he was just avoiding it...and Snotlout hadn't returned from having a cold shower to cool his heated seat, while Hiccup and Astrid were having a leisurely meal sitting in the diner and gushing a whole bunch of mushy romanticky stuff over each other. The twins had almost gagged at being in the front row of _that_ show. So they decided to leave. But as they left through the door, they straight away saw something golden...a golden opportunity that couldn't be passed up.

The Night Fury was parked behind their Zippleback, partially hiding it from the view of anyone leaving the diner's front doors.

"Come on," Tuff urged his sister as he indicated towards Hiccup's rig. "This is our chance to put Operation Strike One into action."

Ruff glanced back at the diner doors. "You sure they won't notice?" she asked carefully, even while a huge wicked grin turned up on her face.

Tuff rolled his eyes dramatically and waved his hand dismissively. "Pfft...those two are so into each other right now, you could belch right in their faces and they wouldn't even notice."

"Ew...gross! Although, if _you_ belched your stinky fish breath in their faces, I think they _would_ notice...that's rank enough to make skunks cry!"

"Whatever...are you coming or not?" he huffed, already picking up the pace towards their truck.

"Yeah, yeah...hold your dragons," she muttered, jogging a little to catch up.

With the skill and precision of many years working together for a common cause, the two soon had the 'tools' they required from their truck, and were zeroing in on one hapless black Night Fury truck belonging to a starry eyed Hiccup and his girlfriend. (Nobody knew she was actually his fiancé yet).

Tuff used his skeleton key to open up Hiccup's rig. (Don't ask me...I don't know what skeletons he keeps locked away)

Ruff sniggered by her brother's side. "You'd think he would've learned by now, it's useless locking up Toothless against us."

"Yeah," Tuff gave a roguish grin as he held up the shiny key. "We got copies for everyone's rigs years ago," he sniggered.

He put the precious key back into his pocket and opened the door for Ruff, who wasted no time scampering in. She turned back to her brother and held her hands out expectantly. "Hurry up...we haven't got long."

"We don't need too long," he reminded her, as he hauled up a sealed bucket and passed it up to Ruff inside the cab.

She pulled it in and opened the lid, an evil-smelling and putrid aroma instantly filling the small space.

"Is it ripe enough?" asked Tuff as he climbed in after her.

"Dude, it's even making me want to barf," affirmed Ruff, her face contorted against the smell.

Tuff paused as a thought hit him (probably right between the eyes). "Hey, do you think our truck stinks because of all the rotten stuff we keep in it?"

Ruff snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah...might have something to do with it," she agreed drily. She thought back to Fishleg's prank, and how he had been so keen to find out if it had worked.

"Poor Fishy," she said sympathetically. She shook her head. "He never had a chance."

Tuff only grunted non-committedly as he set to work, picking out bits of slimy, stinky mess from the bucket and stuffing them into every crevice he could find. The two also added insult to injury by smearing the stuff over the seats and the floor.

"Man, he's gonna need at least ten cans of air freshener to kill this smell." Tuff gave a villainous grin.

Ruff laughed as she wiped the roof lining with another piece of offensive smelling meat, before poking it behind the visor. "He ain't _ever_ getting rid of this stench," she prophesied.

Tuff sniggered as he opened a cupboard and shoved in a particularly dripping and slimy piece of meat. "He'll have to strip Toothless back to bare metal to clean it up."

Ruff gave an affectionate sigh and wiped her eye with the back of her hand as a joyful tear graced her cheek. "This is one prank that will just keep on giving for _such_ a loooong time," she told him happily.

Tuff smeared a lump of putrid over the driver's seat, before chucking it underneath. "Yeah...nothing like full on revenge!" he agreed mischievously.

Ruff eyed her brother as she opened the glove box and carefully placed a piece in there. "You do realise he's not going to take this lying down?" she warned.

Tuff grinned manically. "Heck no! I'm excited to see what he comes up with next!" he told her enthusiastically.

Ruff gave an identical grin. "He can't possibly win against this prank," she told him confidentially. "We will rightfully be known as Master Pranksters after this," she surmised.

"Ha! Take that young Hiccup!" gloated Tuff as he mashed more of the revolting stuff into places that were never designed to hold such 'delicacies'.

Ruff reached into the bucket once more, but found only the dregs of fetid meaty juice.

"All done!" she told Tuff cheerily.

"Good," he jammed the lid back on the bucket, and prepared to vacate. But first the twins took a moment to bask in their glory, and observe how the once cleanish and fresher smelling Night Fury had been transformed into some demented version of Frankenstein...half mechanical truck and half rotting flesh. And it smelled every ounce of rancid rottenness as it looked.

The two climbed out of the truck, but before closing the door on their master plan, Tuff stood silently and savoured the moment, taking in a deep breath.

"Ahhh!...The sweet, sweet smell of success!" he grinned, blowing it all gently back out.

Ruff only rolled her eyes. "Come on, sunshine! Let's wash up and get out of here. We've got a race to win."

-oOo-

Hiccup and Astrid had been enjoying their meal together, and hadn't really worried about the others getting ahead of them. But it was now time to leave, and they were casually strolling back towards Toothless, their fingers loosely intertwined as they talked and giggled at each other, rubbing shoulders in that lovey-dovey, just engaged kind of way. Blurgh! (Actually...I think it's quite cute!)

As they approached the driver's side door, both of them found their noses twitching unpleasantly. Their cutesy wootsy faces soon turned into ones with serious misgivings.

"Ergh! What's that smell?" asked Astrid, placing her fingers under her nose in a fake moustache gesture as she scanned the ground around them for any evidence of something foul and disgusting.

Hiccup shrugged. "I don't know," he coughed and stuck his key in the door. He opened it and instantly regretted it as a very strong odour rushed out to meet the unsuspecting pair, making Hiccup's eyes water and Astrid feeling compelled to gag.

"Urgh! Hiccup! Did you leave a dead body in your truck and forget to move it?" she asked as she hastily backed away.

Hiccup gasped, and held his breath as he doggedly stood on the step to lean into his rig to find the offending source of the air pollution problem. It didn't take long. He jumped back out and staggered over to Astrid before releasing his breath out in a rapid blast **.**

"I think someone left us a gift," he rasped in between coughs, trying hard to keep his lunch where he favoured it the most...on his insides.

"Yeah, well. Let's be sure to find them and thank them... _personally_ ," she told him as she glowered darkly. She already had her suspicions about the 'gift givers'.

Hiccup nodded breathlessly. He'd like to provide a little 'present' of his own, with words like 'revenge' and 'disturbing' and 'evil' already floating around amongst his neurons.

His voice was cracked and dry as he told her, "Much as I would love to relish the opportunity to appreciate this fine gift, I fear we will have to 'return to sender'...but that's going to require some doing. Are you up for it?"

She promptly dry heaved at the thought of getting up close and personal with the reeking mess that Hiccup had pointed out to her, hiding in amongst the grooves of the cab. But her pale face shone with determination, which made Hiccup grin with pride.

And gratefulness.

He hadn't really been looking forward to tackling this messy job by himself. Having someone else to gag, retch and almost puke beside you made it a special bonding moment. Plus it was kind of fun to see who would give in to the technicolour yawn first. (Bit sick, I know!...Oh, another pun, how delightful!)

But first, they had to find some equipment. Personally Hiccup felt that a fully encapsulated hazmat suit with respirators would probably _still_ not be enough for this job. But he didn't have one, so he had to make do with a napkin tied around his face and a pair of very thin rubber gloves he had managed to wrangle from the diner.

Fortunately, they did have a huge amount of disinfectant, which the pair were generously splashing around the cab as they dug out all the slimy bits of goo from all the nooks and crannies they could find. Hiccup was very surprised as to where it was all coming from. He didn't even know he had that many crannies.

The funky smell was still overwhelming, despite the copious amounts of flowery scented cleaner, so Hiccup had employed another technique to distract him from his compulsion to add his stomach contents into the mix. And that was watching Astrid as her face contorted into all sorts of interesting shapes as she tried hard not to empty _her_ stomach, while she gagged, frowned, screwed up her nose, stuck out her tongue and puffed out her cheeks.

It was very entertaining.

Although he had to be careful not to alert her to the fact.

Otherwise her face might change into one he'd rather _not_ see.

The angry Astrid face.

Hiccup shuddered involuntarily.

That was a very scary thought!

Finally, they had done all they could in cleaning up the mess, but eventually had to admit defeat on the smell still emanating from the cab.

"Is it over?" Astrid asked faintly, looking more than a little green around the gills but decidedly _not_ fishlike.

Hiccup shook his head. "I think we've got all the solid bits, but that 'aroma' will probably hang around for a while," he admitted reluctantly.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm just _soooo_ excited about that," she told him sarcastically.

Hiccup pretended to be thoughtful and tilted his head to one side, adding a finger to his cheek for effect. "So I take it you're not impressed?" he asked, so innocently.

"Whatever gave you _that_ idea," she asked cynically.

"Oh...just a wild guess," he grinned at her in his delightful manner. His warm smile lightened her mood and she laughed, before socking him in the shoulder.

"Hey!" he complained lightly, rubbing it. "What was that for?"

"For being a dork."

"Well, that's going to be a problem. If you're going to sock me every time I get called a dork, I'm going to end up very bruised."

She laughed again. "You'll live."

He grinned and bent to gather up the leftover instruments of cleanliness and torture, including the bag of stinking rubbish. He held it away from his body with a look of revulsion.

"Now we only need to remove the evidence," he said sourly.

"Okay, you lead and I'll follow...from a distance," she added in after a moment.

He merely chuckled and headed off. As soon as he dumped it all...it was someone else's problem now...they headed off for the showers. Astrid handed him his clean clothes and shower items that she had been holding. He sniffed them, and immediately his nose wrinkled up.

"I think the smell has gone through _everything_!" he moaned.

"I'll buy you a carton of deodorant...and air freshener," she promised.

He pouted childishly and she laughed.

He shook his head ruefully. "I have to admit...it was a very effective prank the twins pulled."

"Yeah," she agreed. "There'll be no living with them now. They'll claim to be Master Pranksters and try to take away your throne."

"I wasn't aware I had a throne to take," he told her drily. "...but anyway...an act such as this cannot go unpunished. I vow and declare revenge," he added dramatically, his finger pointing into the air.

She beamed proudly at him. "That's my boy! Now go and have a shower. You pong!"

He dropped his head in mock defeat. "Yes, boss...I mean, m'lady!"

Astrid only laughed and shoved him towards the showers as she went to the ladies.

-oOo-

Hiccup was leaning up against the wall outside the showers, arms crossed nonchalantly, as he waited for Astrid.

She shuddered as she walked out of the bathroom. Hiccup noticed.

"Are you okay?" he asked, frowning slightly in concern.

"Yeah…there was a spider in there," she shuddered again in revulsion.

"Did you kill it?" he asked with a tilt of his lips, knowing her feelings towards the eight legged critters.

"I sprayed it with deodorant", she admitted with a guilty grin.

He smothered a laugh. "Well if that didn't work, then he's probably at some spider disco right now, soaking up all the attention from a bunch of giggling girl spiders, because he smells so good!" he joked.

She snorted. "He?" she questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," nodded Hiccup authoritatively. "Only boy spiders hang out in girls showers," he told her with an impish grin.

"Oh really?" she questioned, one hand on a cocked hip. "And I suppose girl spiders hang out in the boys showers?" she asked primly.

"Nah! They're much more discreet," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "They peek in the window instead."

"Oh psh!" she laughed as she pushed him towards their truck.

He wrapped his long arm around her shoulders and smiled at her as they walked side by side.

She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "You know, I think you would make an adorable perverted spider man!"

"Perverted?" he pretended to sulk.

"Yeah, I can just see it. You and your cronies hanging out in your webs, comparing notes on what girls you spied on!" she tossed back.

"Maybe…." he laughed. "But I'm sure I would only have eight eyes for a luscious blonde I happen to know!"

She blushed and nudged him in the ribs as he laughed.

 **A/N: This story was real. I mean the spraying the spider with deodorant part. What a perfumed spider does in his down time has nothing to do with me...**

Hiccup and Astrid were back on the road, but had pulled over for a few minutes to stretch their legs. It was also mostly to clear their noses...and not their stomachs. They had been grappling with the powerful stench still remaining in the truck for a while now, and it simply had _not_ gotten easier with time. It smelt so bad that a person could fart in there, and no one would know the difference. And Astrid was pretty sure Hiccup had taken advantage of that...and probably more than once.

But the other problem had been ...the flies. Seems the ole' rancid rotten meat smell really got the little suckers very excited. As Toothless roared down the highway like a giant meals on wheels, the tiny critters swarmed after them with great enthusiasm, banging up against the windows to get in.

So the co-drivers kept alternating between having the windows opened and grabbing fresh air as it whizzed past them...plus a mouthful of flies. Or having the windows closed and gagging on the noxious fumes. But at least they weren't being force fed a fly buffet.

Right now, they were on the side of the road, carefully examining a map and tracing where the others would have already gone ahead of them.

"We're going to have to pull out all stops to chase them," warned Hiccup.

"They're a looong way ahead," admitted Astrid ruefully. "The twins really got us this time. We'd have to drive half the night to catch up."

"Unfortunately, we can't do that otherwise we'll be over our time limit," Hiccup reminded her. Trucking rules still applied, even when you're in a race.

"Well, we can't speed up enough to catch them...You sure Toothless doesn't have wings, and we could maybe _fly_ there?" she asked hopefully.

He chuckled. "Not in this lifetime. Maybe once long ago in our Viking ancestry..."

"Oh well...it was a thought," she shrugged.

Hiccup was still focussed on the map before him. "Look here," he told her pointing at it. "This is where we are now...and this is where most of them would already be. We've heard reports from other truckers about the Dragon Riders, so we can be reasonably certain about that. And here..." he pointed to a part of the highway much further ahead, "...is where that really long straight section of road is. The perfect place for a little vendetta."

Astrid was peering just as keenly at the map as Hiccup was. "Well, that's great. But how are we going to get there in time to meet up with them?"

Hiccup showed her. "See this line here? This is a shortcut that will get us past all of that... and allow us to pop back out on the highway pretty close to the same time as they get there."

Astrid sucked in her breath, "You want to travel down the Breakneck Bog Highway? Are you crazy?"

He chuckled. "Always. I've been down there before. It's certainly rough, but it's...do-able."

Astrid shook her head reluctantly. "Says the insane man...Hiccup, that's a huge risk going down there. What if Toothless breaks down? It will be ages before any help arrives. We might as well kiss our backsides goodbye... plus any chance we have of winning this little madcap 'race'."

"Yeah, but if it works... we'll be right where we need to be to win... and to plan a little revenge."

She frowned as she thought about it. Safe road and instant loss to the others ...versus Hiccup bat-crazy plan and very good chance of even worse failure. But also a Hiccup-chance of getting it right...and getting revenge. She only needed to take a sniff of the reminders wafting from their rig to make her choice.

She grinned at him. "Okay...Hiccup bat-crazy plan it is!"

He sighed in relief and placed his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. "So you're going to trust me?"

Astrid wound her arms around his neck, and looked him in the eye. "Babe...I will always trust you. The day I don't is the day you turf me out of your truck."

He chuckled, "Well, that's not going to happen anytime soon then. I'm sure there's a law somewhere about throwing out perfectly good blondes. I'll probably get charged with littering."

"Well, we wouldn't want that now, would we?" she giggled back.

"No!"

 _Dear Reader, now would be a good time to put your hands up and hide your eyes from the little M-rated action going on between the two. And no peeking neither!_

Finally... after the two pulled apart...they packed up their map ready to jump back into Toothless. Hiccup told her, "We'll have to plan our revenge tactics well. I want to make the most of it while we can. But...if that fails ...are you up for plan B?"

She turned to him. "I don't even know what plan B is, and I'm still up for it."

He grinned and hummed a portion of the 'Wedding March'.

Astrid immediately blushed bright red...and then socked him in the shoulder.

He laughed. "Not quite the response I was after, but knowing you, I'll take that as a yes."

She nodded, still blushing.

He teased her some more. "So...are you hoping plan A works? Or do you want it to fail so we can use plan B?"

Astrid floundered as she fought to find an answer that wasn't going to incriminate herself, while Hiccup laughed delightedly at his flustered girlfriend... hang on...make that fiancé.

She pushed him towards Toothless instead. "Just get in the truck and show me your driving skills, dragon boy!...and win this thing for us!"

He gave her a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am!" before stealing a quick kiss.

She grinned wryly at him. She loved her dragon boy with everything she had.

But secretly...she wanted plan B.


	12. Chapter 12

**Apologies for the delayed chapter. I've been busy with other stories. But I'm excited about this one! The end is nigh….**

 **Oops! I had to fix a wrong word or two in this chapter, and accidentally replaced it with a chapter from another story. Sorry!**

* * *

The 'Breakneck Bog' highway had lived up to its name. Astrid carefully felt around her neck and shoulders, to make sure her head was still attached. It had been a looong, and extremely violent trip…but Toothless had not faltered even once. Something that Hiccup was very proud of. He patted the steering wheel in gratitude.

"Thanks, bud. I owe you one," he told the truck.

Astrid just rolled her eyes at him.

"Do you think we can pull over for a bit?" she asked. "I need to count my teeth and see how many are still left in my head."

"I've got superglue in my toolbox," he informed her, checking his mirrors before indicating off the road into a rest stop. "You can use that to put any strays back in place."

She snorted at him, already unsnapping her seatbelt. The truck pulled up with a screech and a hiss, and Astrid was out like a shot, groaning as she stretched and twisted in an attempt to realign her muscles back where they used to be.

Hiccup exited his seat a little stiffly as he too attempted to bring some blood flow back into his knotted muscles.

He turned to his girlfriend, I mean fiancé, and grinned.

"Well…We did it!" he gloated.

She laughed. "Yes, okay. Your truly mad plan worked. But getting here was only half the battle," she reminded him.

He nodded thoughtfully. "Sure…now we only have to find where the others are."

They finished unkinking all the kinks they had accumulated through several hours of the roughest terrain known to truck driverdom, then both Astrid and Hiccup headed to the diner to 'pay the water bill' (go to the restroom) and grab some food.

Their cab was still severely rotten, (thanks to Tuff and Ruff) but by this point their sense of smell had been completely burnt out. So it had stopped worrying them about ninety-four point three miles back. (Give or take….) But judging by the horrified expressions, screwed up faces and gagging gestures coming from the other patrons as they walked past, the not-so-pristine duo guessed some of the stench had probably attached itself to them….and others had noticed.

Astrid noticed a wide berth was being established around them. "Well…that's one way to clear a room," she told Hiccup drily.

He merely shrugged and gave a wry grin. "I'm just glad I can't smell anymore, otherwise I'd have to find a way to avoid myself."

"That would be tricky," she had to agree, as they both laughed and looped their arms together.

They found they had to wait a while to place their order, as the waitress had refused to come near them until she could find a peg for her nose. It had given her quite a distinctive nasal tone, which Astrid found amusing. "She sounds like you!" she'd told her less than impressed lover.

"I do not sound like that!" he'd protested.

"You do a little," she told him. He pouted. She cuffed him on the shoulder. "Now stop sulking and order up. The paint on the wall's starting to curl."

Once the waitress had written down their order and taken their money…then promptly gave it back as it too stunk…she had asked, actually demanded, they wait outside. Waaaay outside. She refused their money, saying it was on the house.

The two had turned to each other and shrugged. If it took a little stink to get a free feed, who were they to knock it?

"You know…I'm starting to understand why the twins are not perturbed by their own truck," Hiccup told Astrid with a chuckle.

"And why they can eat such revolting food," Astrid added.

"True," he agreed. "I'd forgotten about that! Man, they can pack away some vile concoctions! A lack of smell seems to bring about some…freedom."

"Just to be clear here….we are NOT driving like this forever," Astrid said firmly, glaring at him and promising a lot of pain if he even DARED to disagree.

He hastened to reassure her. "No, of course not! But with our next stunt coming up, it's not worth fixing just yet. Tonight…hopefully…we'll put it right. We should be at The Edge by late tomorrow. We don't want to rock up smelling like last week's garbage."

Astrid screwed her nose up at that. "More like last _month's_ garbage," she corrected.

He shrugged. "Whatever the expiry date on the garbage, we still stink. Right now, we need to find out where the others are."

She agreed, so after the waitress delivered their food to them faster than was humanly possible, (now _that_ was fast food), they sat back in their cab and chewed while Hiccup asked other truckers for the dragon riders ten-twenty over the airwaves.

They found out that while their friends were out of CB range, they weren't that far ahead on the road, with the twins in front, followed by Snotlout and then Fishlegs.

Hiccup turned to Astrid, "I think we can take them still. But we'll have to pull out all the stops to reach them."

Astrid nodded. "As long as we don't meet up with Smokey, we should be fine. And you had better reach them," she growled at him. "Cause I need pay back in a very big way."

He sniggered as he started up Toothless, who gave a deep seated growl. "And you are my not-so-secret weapon in my arsenal of anti-twins weaponry," he told her.

"Just get me in range…and I'll do the rest," she promised.

Hiccup checked his mirrors as they got back on the road. "I almost feel sorry for the twins….almost."

-oOo-

It was late in the afternoon by the time they overtook Fishlegs, waving cheerily at him and blasting their air horn as they went. Snotlout was a little less impressed to see them, letting rip with a few choice phrases over the CB as they casually overtook him too.

They had to cross a few speed limits to get here, but had kept their ear to the radio and only slowed down when needed to avoid any radar traps. But the duo had a goal in mind, and defeat was not in their vocabulary. Well, it was…but they chose not to use it.

Astrid had the map in her hand and was studying it closely. "Hiccup…we're almost at the straight section, and if we miss it, we won't be able to pull this off," she warned.

"I know, I know," he muttered, checking his mirrors again for any problems with the trailer. They couldn't afford any issues now.

They crested a ridge and when they reached the top…

"There they are!" yelled Astrid excitedly, reaching over to shake his shoulder. Hiccup had to keep a firm grip on the wheel to avoid being shaken out of his seat.

"Uh, Astrid? Driving here…." he reminded her.

But his words fell on deaf ears as she practically bounced off her seat.

"Come on Hiccup," she cried. "Catch them!"

"Well of course, I'll consider that, seeing as that has been our whole plan for the last few hours," he said in exasperation.

She merely rolled her eyes. "Whatever…I'm getting ready." With that, she shot out of her seat, to grab her weapons.

Hiccup pushed the pedal to the metal, determination creasing his brow. They were now on the straight section, the perfect location for a full scale trucking war. They were set for action…all they needed to do was catch them.

They drew closer and Hiccup noticed the other truck had eased it's speed.

He leaned forward in anticipation. "He's slowing down! They're taunting us!" he exclaimed excitedly.

He turned to the steely eyed blonde beside him. "Are you ready for this? It's going to be a blood bath!" he warned.

"Bring it on!" she told him, tense with expectation and determination to see this through.

"Remember our strategy…take out the windscreen and Tuff as much as possible. If you get a chance at Ruff…go for it,"

"I won't miss," she promised.

"This is going to get messy," he lamented, mentally saying goodbye to his once clean truck.

"It'll wash," she told him, her focus unwavering. She wrinkled her nose, "It can only improve from here on, anyway."

He snorted at the reminder. "Heck! We may even get a scar out of it," he told her sarcastically.

"Looking forward to it. Now get me into position," she told him, her knees gripped firmly around the bucket holding her 'ammunition'.

-oOo-

They drew closer and Hiccup prepared to overtake. Tuff swerved out in front of him, preventing him from drawing level with them.

"Oh, you want to dance, do you?" crowed Hiccup, accepting the challenge. "We'll dance," he vowed, a mad gleam in his eye.

"Go, Hiccup!" rooted Astrid, her adrenaline running high, her weapon locked and loaded in her hand.

Hiccup pulled back into their lane and Tuff quickly adjusted to block him off again, his trailer swaying slightly behind him.

Tuff's voice came over the C.B. "You'll have to try harder than that, Night Fury!" he taunted.

Hiccup grabbed the mic. "I hope you're wearing your dancing shoes, cause I'll be teaching you how to tango!"

"Bring it on, baby!" Tuff hooted back.

Hiccup dropped a gear and the engine revved high as he charged up behind the twins, almost threatening to crash into the back of their trailer. At the last possible second he yanked the wheel over and snuck up the side of Tuff before he had time to react. Tuff realised too late what Hiccup had done and tried to intimidate him to back off by swaying his trailer at him, but Hiccup held his ground, forcing the engine to a high pitched growl, before moving up a gear and surging forward.

Tuff didn't give up. He kept moving his rig over, hoping to push Hiccup out of his lane, but Hiccup held on, and even started pushing back. He warned Tuff over the radio, "How close do you want to go? I'll get up and personal with you if you wanna go there."

Tuff responded, "I'll be in your face, Haddock!" But he moved over a little anyway, giving Hiccup room to move. He quickly took advantage of it and told Astrid, "This is it! Make it count!"

"Ohhh, I plan to," she responded with her battle face on. She was resolved to get this done, and won.

"That's my girl!" stated Hiccup proudly.

Astrid's slingshot was primed and ready. Tuff had his window down and she could see his hands on the steering wheel, his reflection staring back at her in his side mirror. She could also see Ruff leaning over behind him, waiting for her opportunity to return fire. Astrid had the advantage for the first shot, and she wasn't about to waste it.

She fired her load of rotten egg straight in front of Tuff's nose, right across the windshield in his line of vision. Astrid knew that was the only easy shot she was getting, as they had drawn close enough for Ruff to fire back. She automatically refilled her sling, as Ruff aimed straight for her. Astrid saw it coming and ducked, leaving an overripe tomato to splatter across the back of her seat where her face used to be.

"Oh, is it gonna be like that, is it?" she screamed at the other girl. Ruff laughed manically from her position behind Tuff.

"You've got nothing on me, Astrid! How about you give up now and go home. Let the adults take over," she taunted wildly.

Astrid's eyes were on fire as she held her sling ready, targeting the back of Tuff's dreadlocked head. But Ruff deflected the squishy tomato away from him.

"Amateur!" cackled Ruffnut through the window.

"Amateur, huh?" muttered Astrid as she reloaded. "Get me closer," she snapped at Hiccup, who obliged with a massive grin.

Another egg suddenly came her way, and she stuck her arm up to take the blow, egg and shell disintegrating on impact, dripping down her arm.

Hiccup drew level with the other rig and Astrid took careful aim at the inside of their windscreen, splattering a huge overripe tomato over the occupants in the other cab, making Ruff and Tuff splutter as juice and flesh sprayed everywhere.

Hiccup whooped and grabbed the mic, "Take that! You're playing with the big guns now! Better give up so you don't get hurt!"

Turning back to his gunner, he warned her, "Take 'em out, Astrid. We're going to run out of road soon."

"On it," she declared, fire in her voice and her sling already reloaded. She aimed, but found herself suddenly facing a flying projectile. She didn't move fast enough and took a blow to the shoulder from an overripe tomato, red juice and flesh instantly covering her chest and spraying towards Hiccup. She yelped at the impact, but without even checking for damage, she fired back, finally slipping past Ruff's defences and hitting the other girl right on her forehead.

Astrid grinned in satisfaction as she heard Ruff scream out a few choice expletives. But she didn't stop to gloat as she grabbed a rotten egg and fired towards the windshield again. But Tuff dropped his speed unexpectedly and the egg sailed over the bonnet instead.

Tuff laughed and taunted her. "I think you need glasses, Astrid, cause you MISSED!"

"We'll see about that," she screamed back, ducking as another tomato headed her way. But Ruff had aimed too low and it coated the outside of the door instead.

"Come on, sissy boy!" Hiccup called out over the radio. "Let's see what you're made of," he challenged as they drew closer to the end of the straight section. The road was about to turn a corner, and one of them was going to have to move over. At the moment, Toothless was still on the wrong side, but Hiccup was holding level with Tuff, refusing to move until the last moment.

"I can drive this rig blind-folded," Tuff yelled back over the C.B.

"Well that would explain why your driving sucks!" Hiccup mocked.

"Yeah? And you drive like a girl," taunted Tuff, as both girls yelled "Hey!" at the same time, then targeted him with an egg on either side of his head.

"What tha'" he shouted as he tried to shake out the egg and keep the truck on the road at the same time. Hiccup was laughing his head off as he moved over a little to avoid the wild swaying from the Zippleback twins as Tuff sought to recover from a double whammy.

"Work out which team you're on before you open your mouth," Hiccup advised over the airwaves, still laughing.

He soon stopped when a fat tomato whizzed past Astrid and smacked right into his neck.

"This one suits me just fine," smirked Tuff as he watched Hiccup take his turn struggling to keep his truck running straight.

"Finish it!" Hiccup hissed at his co-driver.

She grinned. "Gladly!" then hurled another egg straight into Tuff's forehead, making him blink in pain and surprise as the egg dripped into his eyes. She rapidly reloaded a tomato meant for Ruff who yelped, then another egg at Tuff who was now having difficulty seeing through the stars and eggshell. He wobbled dangerously as he yelled at his sister, "Wipe my face!" but had to change his instructions to a muffled "Not that much!" when she completely blocked his view with an oversize hand towel.

Tuff couldn't see and was forced to slow down rapidly and pull over, as Hiccup and Astrid sailed past, cheering madly and blowing their horn in triumph. Hiccup had just enough time to move into the correct lane before they turned the corner, watching in their side mirrors as the helpless Zippleback became marooned on the side of the road.

"We WON!" Astrid yelled triumphantly, half jumping out of her seat to punch the air.

Hiccup eyed off the red squishy mess coating the inside of his truck, covering himself and Astrid.

"I'm not really sure we did, to be honest," he laughed, pointing to the mess. "The cab was rank before…this hasn't really helped improve that…in fact I would go as far as to say it has made it worse!"

She inspected the cabin with a wry grin, then laughed too. "Oh well," she shrugged. "I guess I know what we'll be doing tonight!"

"Yeah...scrubbing this truck within an inch of its life…and snoring our heads off from exhaustion till morning," he told her dryly.

"Hey! I don't snore!" she protested.

He raised an eyebrow. "Do you wanna bet a videocam on that?" he teased.

"Uh…no!"

-oOo-

Later that evening, Hiccup and Astrid pulled up at their last diner for the day. They didn't even bother to shower until after they had cleaned out the cab for the second time that day. It was going to be messy!

Turned out that tomatoes must have some kind of anti-stink thing going for them as after scrubbing madly for an hour or more, the cab, although still not smelling like roses…or any other distinctive flower for that matter…smelt more like old socks than the rotting meat smell they had lived with for the best part of the day. But at least it was more approachable, and Hiccup and Astrid could now go near people without inducing them into a vomiting fit. Always a fun reaction.

-oOo-

Fishlegs had been the last to arrive….again. But he didn't mind too much. He may be slow, but he was still in the same starting point for tomorrow as the rest of them. He grinned to himself at that thought. Plus…they had been so busy targeting each other, that they hadn't bothered with him. Which actually gave him the upper hand…well, that was his theory and he was sticking with it.

He had wandered into the diner that evening looking for a meal. This one seemed to have an active nightlife with it, as there was quite a bit of music, noise and commotion including a lot of hot bodies pressing in around him…at least he wouldn't have to iron his shirt with all that heat and steam…so it was a little difficult to hear what the waitress had said to him when he ordered his meal. When his food arrived, it came complete with two raffle tickets.

Fishlegs had looked up surprised at the waitress and waved the tickets at her to ask what they were for. She pointed to a sign further down the counter. He sighed and shrugged. It seemed he had accidentally purchased tickets in a chook raffle. He placed them on the counter and proceeded to eat his meal. His luck never extended to winning raffles, which was why he never usually bought into them.

Which was fine by him, because the prize of a chook raffle could only mean one thing as far as he was concerned; being on the receiving end of a large and terrifying rooster. He could just see it now… cornered in his own cab by a strutting feathered chook on steroids, crowing its head off and bursting his eardrums. (Sorry about that, childhood nightmare flashback!)

So he was incredibly surprised to find the waitress picking up his tickets to check them…then dumping a large frozen, very dead and featherless, chicken on the counter in front of him. He was staring at it totally dumbfounded, as a few hands clamped on his shoulder in congratulations for actually winning the chook raffle.

Oh, great.

Fishlegs smiled weakly at the total strangers as he tried to figure out what on earth was he supposed to do with that? He didn't have an oven to cook it with. Blowtorch maybe? Nah. It would be charcoal on the outside, and still raw and frozen on the inside. Maybe he could stick it in the top of his exhaust stack and see how high he could launch it? The first frozen chicken to enter space! That could be fun.

Maybe he could tie strings to its wings and legs and make it dance on Snotlout's hood like some kind of freakish puppet show. He grinned at the vision. Although climbing onto the roof of Snotlout's cab sounded about as likely as him climbing Mt Everest…never gonna happen. So he crossed that idea off the list.

Suddenly, he knew exactly what he was going to do with the frozen chicken. An evil smirk found its way to his lips as he slowly munched through the rest of his dinner and planned how he was going to make it happen.

-oOo-

Snotlout was sweating like a pig and happy about it. Although the pig circling around him was sweating like a human and not at all impressed. It squealed at Snotlout, then ran away.

He was in a darkened area of the parking lot, working hard on removing the front tyre of a prime mover. But it wasn't his. He grinned and sniggered to himself as he thought how surprised Hiccup would be to find he had no tyre. There was a lot of grunt and effort…and sweating…involved in taking off a front tyre, but he was glad to do it, knowing that _replacing_ a front tyre was even more work.

He was so focused on the joys he was going to have, to see Hiccup's astonished and frustrated face when he realised he would have to put the tyre back…that he didn't see Hiccup's astonished face as he and Astrid appeared behind him.

"Snotlout…what are you doing?" Hiccup asked, as Snotlout froze, then turned around. He might as well take full credit for it, seeing as he had been caught in the act. Not the usual way of doing things, but hey, that's just how things work sometimes.

So he turned and gave a wicked grin to the young couple. "Surprise! I was just leaving a little present for you," he sniggered at their expressions of mild shock as they looked at him, then the truck, then back to each other. To his confusion, they started to laugh. Okayyyy…not quite the response he was looking for.

In fact, they laughed so hard that tears of mirth slid down their cheeks as they held onto each other to stop themselves from falling over. Now Snotlout was the one with the astonished and frustrated face. He couldn't understand why the role reversal here. Didn't Hiccup understand he would have to put the tyre back on himself?

Finally, Hiccup was able to stop laughing long enough, to wipe the happy tears from his face and tell Snotlout through his chuckles, "Thank you, Snotlout. That was a perfect present. We really needed that after today. Thank you."

Okay, now Snotlout was officially blown away. What was going on here?

"Uh…why aren't you upset?" he asked. "You're supposed to be mad about having to replace your tyre."

Hiccup chuckled again, as Astrid leaned on him, gasping for breath and still weak from laughing. He held her up as they turned and kept walking. "You might wanna take a closer look at that truck," he suggested as they strolled away, heading towards Toothless parked further over in the parking lot. With all wheels attached.

Uh, oh.

NOW it was becoming clear. Snotlout slowly turned his attention back to the truck he had just spent the last half hour labouring over, and a sense of dread hit his stomach like a cannonball…this was not Hiccup's truck.

He turned to flee…only to bump straight into a brick wall…one that was breathing. Snotlout's face fell as he looked up…and up… into the frowning face of a hairy armed, hairy chested, rather irate and very large truck driver.

"Oh…heh, heh…is this your rig?" Snotlout asked nervously, indicating to the stricken vehicle behind him. "I bet your wondering why I removed the tyre….it's a funny story actually…er, do you like funny stories?" he asked, wringing his hands together in a very petrified manner.

Apparently the man didn't, as he took a step closer to Snotlout who yelped and jumped back two.

"I'll put it back, I'll put it back," he promised frantically, his hands raised defensively over his head.

The truckie grunted and sat back to watch as Snotlout floundered, sweated and cried while he worked hard to correct his error. Needless to say, by the time he got back to his own truck, he was so utterly exhausted he fell face forward into his bed and stayed there comatose till morning.

Moral of that story? Always make sure you have the right truck before you remove their tyres.

That, and don't become the punchline for someone else's funny story.


	13. Chapter 13

Fishlegs giggled to himself as he strolled over to Snotlout's truck. He had no need to hide as he had seen quite clearly the trouble the buff young man had gotten himself into, and knew he wasn't going anywhere for a while. He even decided to bust out a tune, whistling as he walked, his hands casually shoved in his pockets.

Fish was a husky lad at the best of times, but tonight he looked decidedly round…almost as if he'd swallowed an entire chicken.

Hookfang was his target, and he soon found himself in front of the red truck with the flaming dragon on the side. Testing the cab door, Fishlegs rolled his eyes and t'sked when it opened. Snotlout hadn't even bothered to lock his door. Well, that just meant he was asking for it, as far as Fishlegs was concerned. Reaching into the cab, he popped the release cable before heading to the front and opening the hood. Grunting uncomfortably, he reached under his jacket, and squeezed out a frozen chicken. Sighing in relief he cradled it safely under his arm as he determined where the best place to lay his prize would be. He soon found the perfect spot…right on top of the exhaust manifold.

He opened the foil wrapped frozen chicken just a little, to double check the contents. Frozen chicken? Check. Butter spread all over? Check. Secret herbs and spices? Check. Foil wrapped up tight and secure? Double check. Satisfied all was well, he carefully pushed the chicken in place and wondered if a chicken lunch was possible for tomorrow.

Oh well. He could only wait and see.

In the meantime, he had one more truck to visit….

-oOo-

It was night-time, but not late enough to go to bed yet. The twins truck was in the parking bays, although the blonde headed duo were nowhere to be seen. Astrid and Hiccup were standing at the entrance to the rest area, flagging down every prime mover that came in. Their purpose? To create a man-made truck box around the twins rig, preventing them from going anywhere.

Once they had enough eighteen-wheelers to do the job, only then did they finally retire to the cab of their own vehicle, totally exhausted from the days efforts. Hiccup didn't even complain about having to sleep on the floor again.

But they forgot one important factor. Blocking the twins truck stopped the truck…but it didn't stop the twins.

And that was how they ended up stuck inside their own rig the next morning, all the doors and windows taped firmly shut with the twins unending supply of duct tape. (It had to make an appearance somewhere!)

Hiccup was furious as he yelled over the handset, "Tuff! Get back here and let us out!" he demanded. He watched with narrowed eyes as the twins waved cheerily at them from their own, now unencumbered truck, as they drove past.

"No can do, bro," came back Tuff. "You are _screwed_!" was his parting prophesy as the twins laughed raucously over the radio.

"Why is it always duct tape?" moaned Astrid, sitting on the bed with her face in her hands. She looked over at her enraged lover. "If we don't die in here and become two skeletons sitting in our seats….remind me to get at least three boxes of duct tape, so we can plan a slow and painful revenge," she vowed savagely at the last part, smacking a fist into her other hand.

Hiccup raised an eyebrow at her. "Three?"

"Yeah…one for you, one for me…and one for Toothless."

Hiccup couldn't help but laugh, despite his anger. "One for Toothless?"

"What am I? A broken record? Don't you think Toothless would like revenge for _this_ …." she indicated to the tape on the windows, "….little assault on him?"

He gave a short nod of agreeance. "Yep!" he decided. "We are so totally in for that!"

"Good…now get us out of here," she demanded.

Now you would think that finding someone to willingly come over and rescue you from a bucket load of tape would be a fairly easy thing to do, but they were very frustrated to find out it wasn't. Using the CB, they were able to call other drivers over, only for them to get within eyesight of their cab, smile mysteriously, then leave.

"What is going on?" demanded Astrid, as the sixth driver left them to it. She was kneeling on her seat, looking very hot and bothered. Hiccup was standing beside her, pushing his hands through his hair in a very agitated manner.

"I don't know…but if I had to take a wild guess…there's more than tape on the outside of this truck," he decided, eyes narrowed in irritation.

Just then, another driver drove slowly past. Hiccup grabbed the CB again.

"Breaker, one-niner, I'm looking at the reefer pulling into the Choke and Puke…this is Night Fury, do you copy?"

"Ten-four Night Fury. This is Rubber Duck. What can I do you for?" came the response.

"We have a ten-thirty-three here. We've been locked in our cab by the Zippleback twins who think they are funny, and we need to get moving. Can you help us out?" he asked, holding his breath as he waited for another rejection.

"Sure Night Fury. I can see you all taped up…are the Zippleback twins your friends?" the other driver asked with a laugh.

"Not for much longer," muttered Hiccup under his breath as Astrid snorted. "Yeah, they seem to think they're comedians," he said over the airwaves. "I think there is something on the truck…can you see anything?" he asked.

The other truck had stopped, and they could see the driver leaning out his window to stare at them, his mic in his hand. "Yeah…there's a note saying 'We're fighting…leave us here till we work it out.'"

Hiccup left the mic off while he swore quite colourfully for a lengthy period of time. Astrid stared at him with an eyebrow raised, quite impressed with his range. Cussing was not normally his thing, so she imagined he was probably fairly ticked off right about now.

"Night Fury? You still there?" asked the other driver.

Hiccup took a deep breath before answering. "Yeah, sorry about that. What I had to say was not PG rated."

"So I take it you didn't know about the note?" Rubber Duck asked with a laugh.

"No…and I can quite clearly say we are not fighting…at least not each other….The Zippleback twins on the other hand, are a _whole_ other story."

"You sure you're not just saying that to get someone to let you out?" came back the voice over the radio.

Hiccup dropped the handset, grabbed his girlfriend…and making sure everyone within eyeshot could see them….kissed her so ravenously that it made all the sightseers blush.

Then gently releasing his breathless and very dishevelled, not to mention completely bemused, fiancé back into her seat, Hiccup picked up the radio again. "Does that answer everyone's question as to whether we are fighting or not?" he asked boldly.

A round of air horns from several trucks close by showed him that yes…the question had definitely been answered!

Rubber Duck came back on the airwaves, "Yep! You two look very loved up!" he agreed as he laughed. "I'll pull up and come let you out," he told the pair.

"Thank you," Hiccup breathed out in gratitude. He turned to grin at his girlfriend…only to find her still a little stunned after that full on demonstration. He chuckled, and she grinned back at him. "Boy, you should get riled up a bit more often," she decided with a wink. "I could get used to that!"

Hiccup threw back his head and laughed.

-oOo-

Meanwhile, Ruffnut and Tuffnut were having a few unexpected problems of their own. It had started last night, when they had climbed back into their truck, ready for bed. First, there had been the oil on the grab rail, which made getting in a bit like the climbing the greasy-pole event at the fair. So they had to spend time cleaning the rail, despite cleaning being one of their least favourite occupations. Then they found that their cab had _actually_ been cleaned. Which horrified them no end. Then they found clean sheets on their beds, which had actually been kinda nice. But the bit that worried them was the row of little cutsie stuffed animals lining their pillows.

"Arrggh! Too much cuteness! Get rid of it," Tuff had roared, covering his eyes before it all blinded him. Ruff had snorted and rolled her eyes before removing all the toys and tossing them on the floor.

"You can look now, you total doofus," she had told him, as he carefully peaked through his fingers to check if she was telling the truth or not. Only then, did he take his hands down, sighing in relief.

He had slapped his chest declaring, "Thank goodness! I thought I was going to have a heart attack!"

"Wimp!" had been the response.

Then Ruff had sat in the passenger seat and a loud 'pfffttttt' had been heard. Which in itself was not really an issue. (Hey, they were siblings who ate weird food. Stuff like that was bound to happen.) Although Ruff was pretty sure she hadn't actually done anything to induce that kind of disturbance. But what happened next had really sickened them.

Tuff had turned to Ruff with a questioning look and a wrinkled nose. "What is that _smell_?" he had asked in disgust as he almost gagged.

Ruff was appalled as she faced her brother. "It wasn't me, I swear!"

He had coughed as he spoke in a strangled voice, "Is that…..perfume?"

She nodded and opened the window, "Rose scented perfume to be precise," she told her brother.

It had taken them a while to fan out the truck…and throw away the whoopee cushion that had been contaminated with the perfume, although Tuff had nearly cried at the loss of such a special pranking tool…and by the time they were finished, they were so exhausted from the mental anguish they fell straight into bed.

By the next morning, both were rubbing their eyes wearily as they related to each other the 'clean' dreams that had haunted them overnight. Having a pristine smelling truck and sheets had created a disturbing urge within Ruffnut to wash her hair, so she had grabbed her toiletry bag and fresh clothes and headed off for an early shower.

When she opened her bag inside the bathroom, the resultant scream could be heard all the way back to the other side of the parking lot. Her hairbrush had been replaced with a pink one…with a pink bow tied around the handle, no less!. Then to add insult to injury, her shampoo had been replaced with a fruity one and she had to walk all the way back to their truck smelling like a fruit salad.

She was feeling quite despondent by the time she yanked open the door to climb in…and Tuffnut had reeled back in horror when his nose had been assaulted again.

"Yeah, yeah," Ruffnut had grumbled at his response. "But if you say anything, I swear I will put potpourri in your jocks drawer," she threatened.

"Nope, nope...not saying anything," he declared vehemently.

They had gotten back on the road shortly after their truck prison guards had left…Ha! Hiccup must be slipping if he thought that little stunt was going to slow them down…and they were glad to see that Hiccup and Astrid were still trapped in their own cab. Now if you want to slow someone down, _that_ was the way to do it!

They were finally on their way, having survived all attacks. This was the last day before they reached Raven's Point and they were in front. Nothing was going to stop them now! But as everyone knows…it ain't over till it's over.

-oOo-

Snotlout had been driving for about a half hour or so, when his nose started twitching. He shifted in his seat but ignored the sensation, believing it was his imagination. But as he continued to drive, his imagination seemed to gain strength.

He shook his head. 'Maybe I didn't have enough breakfast,' he thought to himself. But that didn't seem to be the right answer either, as his stomach was still quite full. He didn't feel hungry…so why could he smell roast chicken?

He decided to ignore it some more.

Continuing his drive along the highway, Snotlout found himself starting to drool. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he decided, "This is getting ridiculous. Now I'm imagining that I'm hungry? Something odd is going on."

But he was in a race. He needed to catch the twins. So imaginary roast chickens had to wait for a bit longer.

-oOo-

Hiccup and Astrid had finally managed to clear all the duct tape from Toothless, with the aid of a few willing volunteers, and were now racing to catch up with the others. But they were still trailing by quite a long way.

Hiccup turned to Astrid. "I hate to say it…but I don't think we're going to catch them," he admitted.

"What? The indomitable Night Fury hasn't got a few short cuts up his sleeve?" she asked in mock surprise.

He shrugged. "Not this time. There's only a short, straightish run left. Nowhere for short cuts to kick in." But by the way he turned and gave her a devious grin, she knew that even though he had no short cuts…didn't mean he was out just yet.

"Plan B…just became Plan A," he told her, wriggling his brows.

Astrid felt her heart leap and a wonderful tingle explode in her chest, making her feel a little light headed.

"You don't mean…." she asked a little breathlessly, leaving the rest unsaid.

"Yup, I sure do," he nodded.

"How are we going to do that?" she asked, the blush already rising up her cheeks while she tried to keep the tremor of excitement out of her voice.

He picked up the mic and flashed it at her. "The only way to get word out…C.B."

"When?" she asked, grabbing a bottle of water to cover the fact that her hands were trembling.

"Now's a good a time as any," he shrugged, placing the mic near his mouth and hitting the transmit button. "Breaker one-niner, this is Night Fury calling the Dragon Riders. Do you have a copy?" he asked.

Astrid waited with baited breath, her eyes wide as she realised they were actually going to do this. She was glad she didn't have to speak right now, the excitement rising from her chest had closed off her throat and she was sure she would only be able to give an embarrassing squeak. She listened, completely mesmerized as the others all gave their ten-twenties **(location)** and confirmed they could hear Hiccup.

His green eyes were sparkling and full of life as he turned back to her and spoke. "We have a problem that we need you guys to help us with," he told them. He winked at her before turning his attention back to the road. "Astrid and I intend to co-drive this season at 'The Edge', seeing as Stormfly is out of action…but we won't be allowed to do that unless we fulfil one specific requirement…" he left them hanging for a moment, "….we need to get married."

"WHAT?" came Snotlout's immediate reaction.

Hiccup sighed and rolled his eyes in exaggeration…what a surprise, Snotlout objecting to Hiccup and Astrid making their obvious love connection official! Astrid giggled.

"Woah dude! That's serious! Are they really going to make you get married?" Tuffnut asked in total shock.

"No…but they only accept married couples as co-drivers…not boyfriend / girlfriend combos," he told them. Astrid was impressed at how easily the lie slipped off his tongue.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Fishlegs over the radio.

Hiccup turned his suddenly intense green gaze into Astrid's wide open blue ones, and she knew he meant it from deep within his heart when he told the rest of the gang the complete truth, "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

Astrid felt like she should be fanning herself, as the air around her suddenly heated up.

Ruff broke their moment, asking "Why do you need all of us to help you?"

Hiccup gave a small victorious smile before answering. "Well, obviously Tuff has to officiate…then you need to be Maid of Honour for Astrid, Fishlegs will be my best man and Snotlout will have the most important role of all…giving away the bride."

Astrid snorted at that little revelation. Snotlout had never truly given up on flirting with her, despite Hiccup and Astrid's obvious attraction towards each other. Of course Hiccup had to give a subtle dig to Snotlout, and make him 'officially' give her away.

"Where do you think we should do this?" asked Fishlegs, and Astrid was stunned to realise that all of them had accepted the fake wedding story with barely a complaint.

Hiccup gave a thumbs up gesture to Astrid as he grinned and told the others his carefully crafted plan. "I thought 'The Cove' at Ravens Point would be a good place to meet up. We could all stop there first, get married, then move on to The Edge with plenty of time to spare."

"Great. I'll bring lunch," Snotlout unexpectedly told them.

"Uh…could you ten-nine **(repeat)** that please? I thought you said you'll bring lunch," Hiccup asked, a tad thrown from the odd statement.

"Yeah….I found a chook cooking on my exhaust manifold," Snotlout told them. "I left it there…it wasn't quite done."

"Okaaay….exhaust cooked chook for a wedding lunch it is," Hiccup drawled, shrugging his shoulders in a I-have-no-idea-what-he's-talking-about gesture to his betrothed. She returned it.

"Your dad is going to flip," warned Snotlout.

"I know…he's been on about us getting married for a long time now," returned Hiccup with a smirk.

"I meant about not inviting family to your wedding," said Snotlout in a slightly irritated voice.

"What do you mean?" asked Hiccup innocently. "You guys _are_ our family. And what better place to do this then at 'The Cove', with our trucks?"

"Are you getting mushy on us, Hiccup?" questioned Ruffnut suspiciously.

He grinned and turned towards Astrid, but was stopped short by the dreamy expression and doe eyes she was giving him. His own face softened, and he gave her a gentle smile in return. "Maybe," he responded quietly over the C.B. "But hey, it's not often a man gets married to the most wonderful woman in the world."

"Urgh! Enough!" shouted Tuff, "No more or I will be sick! We'll meet you there…but no more of that sticky sweetness over the radio. O - VER!"

"Copy that," Hiccup finished off, as Snotlout and Fishlegs also signed off.

Hiccup was suddenly nervous. He glanced over at Astrid, her eyes shiny and bright as she looked at him with so much love, that he couldn't help returning it. He reached out to take her hand, and lovingly caressed the back of it with his thumb. Astrid was surprised to feel a tremor in his hand, and his voice had a slight shake in it as he said, "I guess we're getting married!"

-oOo-

Tuff was complaining, "Weddings are full of lovey-dovey stuff and kissy-kissy action."

Ruffnut raised an eyebrow, "Then why did you sign up to be a celebrant?" she asked incredulously.

"So people can get married and live happily ever after," he told her, as if that was the most obvious answer.

"But you know…never mind, I give up," she decided. Sometimes it was best not to argue.

"If Hiccup and Astrid are getting married, we need to break out the emergency kit," Tuff told his sister.

"Yeah…where's the key?" she asked.

"Here…." and he reached up to pull his visor down, but suddenly screamed in fright when a bright pink over-sized spider launched itself at him from its hiding spot.

"Tuff!" Ruff yelled, grabbing hold of the wheel that her brother had let go off. She struggled to keep the rig on the road, as Tuff rapidly opened his window and batted at the swaying spider to send it flying outside.

"Urgh!" he shuddered, as he again reclaimed the steering wheel. "That was truly frightening! I never want to see that again," he told his sister, his voice shaking in agitation and revulsion.

Ruff looked at her brother sideways, "Spiders have never bothered you before. What's the deal?"

His eyes were huge as he whispered, "It was pink!"

She shuddered too, "Okay…I get that. Did you find the key?"

He checked behind the visor…very carefully in case there were more colourful arachnids.

"No. Try your visor….Just be careful."

She snorted as she completely ignored him and flipped down her visor…only to be covered in perfumed talc as it rained down over her, turning her blonde hair white. Her eyes blinked through the white powdery mask that covered her face.

Tuff didn't know whether to laugh at his sister's misfortune, or to be repulsed by the sweet scent filling the cab. So he settled for brotherly words of wisdom. "Told you so."

She glared at him as she dusted the powder away. "This is getting ridiculous! Someone has booby-trapped our rig…and cleaned it. What other nightmares are we going to find?" she asked, her eyes wide.

Tuff shook his head, "I have to admit…I didn't think it was possible to prank us, but whoever did this, really knew what they were doing."

The twins cage had finally been rattled…and they still didn't know who had done it.

Ruff tried to shake it off. "I still need that key. Is it in the glove compartment maybe?" she asked, as she went to flick the latch. The small door popped open and as it did, it released an explosion of slightly rumpled perfumed flowers tied together in a bunch.

"Argh!' It was Ruffnut's turn to scream.

"More smelly stuff!" Tuffnut exclaimed loudly. "When will this nightmare end?"

Ruffnut tried to shrink back as far as she could from the terrifying and colourful petals. But then she noticed something attached to the stems.

"There's a card," she told her brother. Gingerly reaching forward, she ripped the card off, then tossed the bunch towards her brother, who promptly chucked them out the window.

She read, "Just to make it clear….Fishlegs was here!"

Tuff was completely flabbergasted. "Fishlips? He did all this? Seriously?"

Ruff flipped the card over, "Yup! Fishlegs did it all."

"Woah…I may have to give the guy some respect." Tuff was a little perturbed that he may have to consider Fishlegs almost an equal…and a severe threat…to his ranking in the pranking stakes.

Ruffnut merely smiled to herself. Fishlegs was stepping up…and that made him seriously attractive. Her eyes had finally been opened to what the husky lad had to offer….and she was definitely interested.

"Earth to Ruffnut? Anyone home?" Tuff waved his hand in front of his sister's face.

"What?" Ruff sat up startled.

"I said…did you find the key yet?"

"Umm…" she quickly searched in the glove compartment. "Yeah. Here it is," she told him, pulling the key out.

"Great, go get the emergency kit. We need to be ready for this."

She smirked. "We sure do."

-oOo-

It was early afternoon by the time Hiccup and Astrid pulled their rig into the parking lot of 'The Cove', close to where the others were already waiting.

"Well, the bride has arrived fashionably late," Hiccup told her with a grin.

Astrid could see right through him. Even though this was supposed to be a fake wedding, it still hadn't chased away any of the nerves that both were now feeling. His confident manner barely covered the apprehension that Hiccup was hiding underneath.

They jumped out of the cab, but before they joined their friends who were shuffling around in the cold waiting for them, Hiccup pulled her close. "You sure you want to do this?" he asked softly, his fingers pushing back a few stray hairs from her face.

Astrid wrapped her arms around his neck and reached up to kiss him sweetly on the lips. She pulled back slightly to look him squarely in the eyes. "We could be getting married for real right now, and I would still want to do this," she assured him with so much conviction that he pulled her in and hugged her tight.

"I love you, Astrid," he told her, his voice muffled in her shoulder.

"And I love you, my handsome pretend husband," she returned. "Now let's do this."

Hiccup smiled as he released her, but took hold of her hand instead, kissing her fingertips before letting their hands swing freely between them.

The two sauntered over to the rest of the gang.

"Are you ready for this?" asked Tuffnut as they drew near.

The young couple glanced at each other and smiled. "We are," they told their friends.

"Then let's do this already," Snotlout yelled impatiently. He wasn't sure why they had to wait for the slow poke love birds to arrive first before they moved on to register at 'The Edge'. The trucking company was on the other side of town, and he wanted to be first to get there. He figured that as soon as the two were hitched, he'd take off and beat them all to the office. But of course, he had to hang around twiddling his thumbs while they took their sweet time getting here.

"Right," said Hiccup, turning towards the building and bringing Astrid with him. "Let's do this. Let's get married."

* * *

 **Yay! The big fake wedding moment has finally arrived!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks for all your kind reviews. This story has been fun to write. Some moments were a little awkward, but hey, that's how it is as you grow and mature. But enough of that...on with the wedding!**

* * *

"Wait," sung out Ruff. The rest all turned around, except for Tuff, who was standing beside his sister. "If we're going to do this, then let's do this properly."

Hiccup raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"This," she told him, raising an armful of something he hadn't noticed earlier. Tuff carried another bundle of items.

"You," Ruff pointed at Astrid with a look that demanded attention. "Come with me…and you," this time she aimed at Hiccup. "Go with him," she indicated towards Tuff. "And you two…." she took in Fishlegs and Snotlout who gave her an astonished look at being singled out as well. "Go scrub up and put something decent on. You look like you've just risen from the black lagoon. We're going to a wedding after all."

And with that, Ruff grabbed a protesting Astrid and dragged her off towards the bathroom. She only paused to glare at the stunned males she had left in her wake. "Well? What are you waiting for? Stop staring at me like stunned mullets and MOVE!" she demanded.

Hiccup snapped to attention. "Yes, ma'am!" he responded rapidly, with a quick salute.

"You heard the woman!" roared Tuff at Fishlegs and Snotlout, making them jump. "Can you two be trusted to dress yourselves? Or do I have to send Ruff in with you?"

"Uh..no, we're good," stuttered Snotlout as the two rushed back to their rigs, stumbling into each other in the chaos.

-oOo-

The men had indeed scrubbed up well, and were waiting inside the back entertainment room that had been kept empty for them. They were standing in front of an archway they had found and dragged over, decorated with faded plastic flowers and vines that were obviously long past their due by date. Their backdrop was a huge painted mural of a natural cove, complete with water and a small waterfall.

Tuff had provided Hiccup with a deep brown formal suit coat, which he wore over a clean green shirt, and his jeans. Snotlout complained, "How come you only have to add a jacket, and you still look hot?"

Hiccup raised his eyebrow at that, but the others had to agree….Hiccup simply oozed rugged handsomeness.

Snotlout himself had slicked back his black waves, and wore a brown leather jacket, whilst Fishlegs wore a clean sweater over long pants. Tuff was in full dress mode, a black suit complete with coat tails. He looked remarkably elegant standing there with his tall, skinny frame and dreadlocks spilling over his shoulders. He held a composed expression as he stood under the archway, waiting for the bride to arrive.

A loud knock rattled the closed doors.

"That's our cue, gentleman," Tuff spoke out loudly. "Please assume your places."

Hiccup straightened up and stood slightly in front of Tuff, Fishlegs not far behind him in his role as best man. His nerves suddenly got the better of him, and Hiccup wondered again if he was doing the right thing. Fishlegs heard his shaky breath, and leaned forward. "You got this, Hiccup. It's what you both have always wanted," he reminded him. Hiccup nodded absently, but his eyes were trained solidly on that closed door, waiting for his beloved to arrive.

Snotlout rushed towards the door. It was his role to escort the 'bride' up the aisle, to 'give her away' to Hiccup, an irony that hadn't escaped his notice, since he'd been flirting with her for years. Pausing briefly to straighten his jacket, he opened the door to let in Ruffnut. All the men there, bar Tuffnut who was unimpressed, dropped their jaws in shock as they stared at an actual female, complete with an actual dress. She wore a knee length simple shift dress with a sweetheart neckline and thin straps in a gorgeous bronze colour that contrasted beautifully with her long blonde tresses, that were currently pulled back and allowed to flow down her back. They could even see she was wearing makeup to accentuate her long lashes and pouty lips. Fishlegs eyes bulged as she turned her gaze on him, giving him an indiscreet wink and wolfish grin. "Wow!" he breathed quietly.

"You said it, Fishlegs," agreed Hiccup, stunned to realise that under all that brashness had been all… _that._

"Hubba, hubba," said Snotlout appreciatively as he openly eyed her over, wriggling his eyebrows at her. "Hey lady, you wanna be my date later? I hear there's a rockin' party we could go to."

She stayed facing forward, but let loose with a swift backhand, causing Snotlout to double over and 'oomph' in surprise. "Just do your job, Snotty," she informed him, flatly. "Look after the bride."

Ruffnut took a few steps into the room before turning around. "Your turn Astrid," she yelled in a very unladylike manner. Ahh…there was the Ruff we all know and love.

Hiccup suddenly gulped and he could feel sweat pooling in all the usual places. His hands started to shake as he waited for his betrothed to appear. If that was what Ruff looked like, what was his goddess going to be dressed in?

He didn't have long to wait.

Astrid appeared at the door, her eyes nervously searching out Hiccup. He stared back at her in utter fascination, totally besotted with the perfection that had arisen in front of him. She had on a similar styled dress to Ruffnut's, but hers was floor length with a V-shaped waist. The back of the skirt was bunched together to form a pseudo-train which flared a little behind her. Her long blonde hair had been loosened from its usual braid, and pulled back instead, to trail down between her shoulders in the same way as Ruff's had been, but with a little more elaboration. A simple tiara sat delicately on the top of her head.

Astrid also had makeup and Hiccup swore his heart had stopped as he drank in her beauty. Her gorgeous blue eyes now shone brightly at him, highlighted with just a touch of eyeliner and mascara. Her lips were just the right colour, giving her teeth a dazzling glow.

Her eyes were still firmly attached to Hiccup's and she noted how handsome he looked. Astrid couldn't help but feel nervous. She knew this was a fake wedding, but it still felt awfully real to her. She had almost fallen over in shock when she had been shown what was in Ruff's bundle of items. "You have a dress in your truck?" she had questioned incredulously. Ruff had shrugged. "Always good to be prepared for anything," had been her nonchalant reply. "Including a wedding?" Astrid had asked, totally blown away. "Ngh," had been Ruff's reply.

A part of her wished that this wedding could be real. It was pretty much the perfect setting anyway. They had the right people around them. The only ones missing were their families. She satisfied herself with the knowledge this would be the practice for the real event…and hopefully not too far away.

Snotlout now approached her. "You sure you want to marry him?" he asked. "There's still time to back out and come back to me."

That only earned him a second backhand in less than five minutes. He was surely on a roll.

"Okay, then," he told her in a choked voice. "I'll take that as a no," he relented. Straightening up with difficulty, he offered Astrid his arm, although he kept a wary distance between them, just in case she hadn't finished beating him up. She took it, while Ruff assumed her position in front.

He nodded towards Hiccup, who nodded towards Tuff, who nodded towards Ruffnut, who nodded towards Fishlegs. There sure were a lot of noddies at this wedding. On cue all present, except the bride and groom, began to hum the wedding march. It may have been a little off key and not quite co-ordinated, but to the young couple who only had eyes for each other, it sounded perfectly wonderful, just like the full scale orchestra that was raging in their minds.

It was only a few short steps before Snotlout was handing her over to Hiccup, the young couple gazing at each with such love and devotion, not even Snotlout could miss it. If this wasn't a marriage of love, then there was no hope for anyone. Both Hiccup and Astrid knew this was all fake, but that meant nothing to them right now. When Astrid had appeared in the door in such a stunning fashion, all bets had been immediately turned off, as far as Hiccup was concerned. He couldn't wait to take her as his bride, to spend eternity with her.

Ruff was waiting on the other side of Astrid while Snotlout was a step away from the couple.

Tuff cleared his throat and spoke in a professional manner. "Who does giveth this bride to this man?" he asked solemnly.

"I do," declared Snotlout, although he couldn't help a little tear in the corner of his eye. Another beautiful dame off the market. He stepped back a few paces, to take on his next role as the entire audience.

Astrid and Hiccup had eyes for none other during the entire ceremony conducted by Tuffnut. Hiccup stumbled through his lines a little, almost forgetting his own name as Astrid giggled at him. He only tore his eyes from her long enough to request from Fishlegs the plastic ring that he had purchased earlier. The bulky man had frantically searched his pockets and his eyes bulged when he couldn't find it. Hiccup frowned and pointed to the tip of his little finger, where he had placed it so it wouldn't get lost. Fishlegs gave him a sheepish grin as he removed the plastic circle and handed it over. Hiccup then placed the too-large ring over Astrid's finger with all the delicacy of a real one. When it had been Astrid's turn to place a ring on him, the plastic had stubbornly refused to go past the first knuckle, and he had chuckled as Astrid struggled to push it further on, then gave up and left it there. But when Tuff had finally announced, "You may kiss the bride," they had met each other with passionate enthusiasm. Ruff and Tuff had cheered loudly while Snotlout and Fishlegs sniffed discretely and wiped a few emotional tears away.

Tuff then declared loudly, "I give you all….Mr and Mrs Haddock!" The couple beamed at all their friends, and were overwhelmed with the hugs of congratulations that immediately came their way.

"Alright, that's enough mushy stuff," declared Snotlout. "Time to party!"

Just as the rest were moving off to start celebrating, Hiccup stopped. "Actually guys, there's something we need to tell you first."

Astrid turned towards her 'husband' and gave him a quizzical frown. "What's going on?" she asked cautiously. She knew this was fake, but they hadn't intended to reveal that until later, when they were going to plan their escape. Whatever Hiccup was intending to do now, was not known to her.

He turned to her, and gently took hold of both her hands. She was puzzled as he nervously looked into her blue eyes.

"Hiccup?"

"You are the light of my day, the stars of my night, my soul mate, my friend," he began.

Snotlout asked, "Are you two doing your vows again? Cause I'm hungry." Ruff elbowed him to keep quiet, as she kept an interested eye on the two in the middle.

"I know I told you that Tuff was not able to perform wedding ceremonies…" Hiccup continued as if he hadn't been interrupted.

"Actually H, I…." Tuffnut started to say.

"Hold that thought, please Tuff," Hiccup told him.

"Righto."

"This wedding was meant to be a fake one…" Hiccup started again, as Astrid's eyes grew wide and shifted to those around her, wondering why he was giving it all away now. They still didn't have the upper hand yet.

"Hang on…." growled Snotlout. "This wedding's fake? This means Astrid's not married yet….Oomph." Ruff gave him another elbow to the solar plexus, harder this time. "Do you keep your elbows sharpened just to stab me?" he complained, rubbing his sore stomach.

"Shhhhh, I wanna listen." was the only answer.

Hiccup glowered at them and huffed impatiently, before turning back to Astrid. "The truth is….Tuff _is_ registered to perform ceremonies," he told her, watching as her face turned from confusion, to comprehension, to fear, and then to joy, then back to confusion. Her voice escaped her completely as she was truly stunned.

"So you mean…Astrid thought you weren't married…but you actually are?" asked Snotlout slowly, before bursting out laughing. "Oh, this is too good to be true! Astrid got pranked by Hiccup…and they're really married!"

"Is that true?" Astrid finally asked faintly, still in complete and utter shock. "We're really married?"

"Not quite," he told her gently, still holding her limp hands. "If we sign the forms, and dad undersigns for Tuff, then we will be." He paused to draw in a nervous breath. "Astrid Hofferson, will you marry me?"

Tuff frowned in confusion and asked Hiccup, "Do you want me to marry you again?"

"No, Tuff. Once was enough," Hiccup told him without removing his gaze from the still astounded blonde goddess in front of him. It seemed that she had lost all her power of speech as she gazed at him wide eyed and open mouthed.

"Honey, close your mouth and remember to breath," Ruffnut advised her friend.

Astrid's jaw snapped shut. "But what about our families? What will they think about us doing this?" she asked. "I don't think they'll take kindly to us just showing up, saying 'Guess what? We're married!'" she told him in concern.

"I don't think they'll mind at all," came a new voice from behind them. Turning around, the small group (except for Hiccup) were surprised to see all their families and friends appear through the door.

"Dad? Mum?" gasped Astrid in surprise. Her mind was reeling as the hits just kept coming. She noticed that they were all dressed up for…well, as if they were going to a wedding. Hiccup let her go, as her parents came over to give her a huge hug, tears of joy in their eyes.

"Holy cow!" exclaimed Tuffnut. "What are all you guys doing here?" he asked, as he spotted his own parents in the crowd, along with Sheila and Al from their favourite diner.

"Were you here the whole time?" asked Snotlout of his dad.

Fishleg's mum laughed. "We watched the whole thing on wide screen in the other room," she told them as she hugged her son.

Stoick's dad released Hiccup from a crushing hug, and turned to Astrid. "Now there's only one question that remains…." he said in his deep voice.

This was Hiccup's cue as he walked back to his bride, and once again took her hands in his. "Astrid…would you do me the honour of making me the luckiest man in the Archipelago? Will you marry me? Well…will you agree to stay married to me…after we've just said our vows in front of _all_ our families and friends?"

Astrid had regained some composure, but she immediately lost it again. Her eyes glistened wetly as she smiled lovingly at her lover, her best friend. "Yes! Yes! YES!" she yelled enthusiastically as all laughed and applauded, tears being wiped from quite a few eyes. She leapt forward into his arms, holding him tight as she kissed him soundly and he kissed her back.

"NOW, he can kiss the bride," remarked Ruffnut loudly, much to everyone's amusement.

"So she really is off the market now?" Snotlout murmured sadly to Tuffnut standing beside him.

Tuff shrugged. "Guess so. Apparently she wants to keep him." He slung his arm around his gloomy friends shoulder. "Just think of it this way…now you can chase any girl you want…except my sister," he added.

Snotlout took about three seconds to think about it, than smirked. He liked that idea…plus he could see Ruffnut flirting with a red-faced Fishlegs behind Tuff's back. He didn't think he was going to win there anyway. Not now that the sister in question had already been contaminated by Fishlips.

Now that the problem of whether it was a real wedding or not was solved, the party moved into full swing. Stoick along with Sheila and Al, went back through the double doors to complete the transformation. Within a few minutes, the once empty room was filled with tables, chairs and a buffet. The Cove diner had supplied a few of their staff to keep the food stocked up, and to operate the music machine.

Stoick had pulled the wedding forms out of his pocket, and presented them to Astrid and Hiccup, who had stared at each with nervous excitement before filling it in. This was it. No turning back. Tuffnut signed his part with a flourish, making them both chuckle. Then it was Stoick's turn. He paused with pen in hand and raised an eyebrow at the two lovebirds. "You sure about this?" he asked them. They turned to each other with the biggest of grins. Hiccup reached up to push a stray hair from the face of the most beautiful woman in the world, and said softly. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life." Stoick grinned, then undersigned Tuffnut's signature.

"There! It's official….I finally have my daughter-in-law," he proclaimed proudly. The lucky couple laughed loudly, as did the other guests. Hiccup then grabbed his bride and spun her around before pulling her close to kiss her soundly, not caring who was watching. Although he felt like he should probably take a bow with all the applause that came their way.

The partying, feasting and 'best man', also 'best bridesmaid', 'best fake father/audience' and the 'best marriage officiator' speeches continued on for quite some time, till finally the room had settled into two halves…the dancing half, and the sitting half. Hiccup and Astrid were part of the dancing half.

Hiccup swayed lazily with his wife in his arms, unwilling to take his eyes off her for even one glorious second. "Are you mad at me for pranking you?" he asked with a grin. She tightened her grip around his neck and smiled back. "You truly are the master," she admitted. "And no…I've never been happier to be pranked by you…although that may be the only time I ever say that, so don't get too cocky," she warned him with a smirk as he puffed up with pride. "But I am curious…when did you manage to arrange all this?" she asked, indicating their friends and family milling around them.

He gave her a knowing smirk. "Yesterday…after I rang dad to tell him we were engaged, I asked him to set this all up for me."

"Hmmmm….but what if I had said no?" she asked, tilting her head slightly as she gave him her best 'how-are-you-going-to-get-out-of-this?' look.

Hiccup chuckled. "Well, I didn't think you would. You'd already agreed to a fake wedding… plus you'd already told me you would marry me tomorrow if you could." He shrugged. "Tomorrow just happens to be today… Plus, how could you resist all of…this?" he asked, as he separated from her long enough to indicate himself.

Astrid pulled him closer again. "Oh really? You're that sure of yourself?" she asked with a raised eyebrow and a wide grin.

"No…I'm that sure of you," he told her softly, giving her a brief kiss on her forehead. She smiled, and leaned in to rest her head against his chest.

"You know…there's still one more item on the wedding agenda," he told her gently. She blushed, which Hiccup found truly delightful. He hoped he could always make her blush.

"Yes," she murmured softly. Lifting her head to face him, she played one finger along his ear, down to his earlobe. "I hope you're ready for it," she told him, glancing slyly at him as she noticed him shiver.

He glanced at his watch. "We've got about fifteen minutes."

"Do you think the others will notice we're gone?" she asked, twirling her fingers through his hair in a way that was making him cross eyed.

Hiccup blinked to regain his composure then shrugged. "Maybe. We can risk it."

Astrid gave a devious grin, as the pair began to sidle towards the door, arms firmly wrapped around each other. They had thought they'd made it when Snotlout suddenly yelled out loudly, "Where do you two think you're going?"

The newlyweds froze in the doorway, their eyes wide like deer caught in the headlights, as the entire room went quiet to stare at them. Hiccup stuttered, "Eh, conjugal visit?" to which Astrid blushed madly, but they took a closer hold of each other. Stoick smiled knowingly at his son's words.

Snotlout snorted sceptically, "Yeah, right! You're going to register at the office," he accused them.

The two waved their plastic rings at him, "We're already registered," they told him, hoping to throw him off the scent.

"Not that register," Snotlout replied scornfully. "You're going to register as drivers at 'The Edge'."

"Maybe?" Hiccup replied tentatively, releasing his wife's waist, and grabbing her hand instead as the other drivers suddenly focused on them.

Fishlegs yelled, "We've got ten minutes before the office shuts!" which had the desired effect of motivating everyone. Hiccup immediately pulled on Astrid's hand as they turned and sprinted down the hallway towards their truck, slamming the door shut as they went, and laughing at the shouts of rage coming from behind it.

Hiccup pulled the keys from his pocket as they ran through the cold parking lot. He unlocked the door quickly, and practically threw his new wife into the cab. Astrid scooted quickly across to her seat, still dressed in her white dress and tiara while Hiccup jumped into the driver's seat to fire up their rig.

The two were laughing madly and grinning like fools, as they watched the other drivers falling over each other to get out through the door and head towards their own trucks. Hiccup yanked down the C.B. and yelled over the airwaves, "Hey kids! Watch how the real professionals do it!" before setting eighteen wheels in motion.

The sound of four trucks revving up was almost deafening, but so very familiar to the party guests who had spilled outside to watch the race. Al and Sheila yahooed along with the rest of them, as Stoick boomed, "Go get 'em, son! And daughter-in-law!" Soon there was nothing to see but the red lights from the back ends of four trucks racing down the highway.

Al and Sheila turned to each other and sighed. "I guess we're left to clean up again!" Sheila grinned as the two fist bumped.

"Yeah…but what a night!" agreed Al.

The End.

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Only kidding!

You didn't seriously think I'd leave it there, did you?

-oOo-

Of course Hiccup and Astrid reached the office first, although they got a little distracted as Hiccup paused to pick up his wife bridal style and carry her across the threshold of the small office. They kissed and almost got caught up in the moment, but unlocked lips long enough to bombard the startled clerk with their demands to register.

"Never had a bride and groom register in their wedding clothes before," the clerk muttered as she eyed them off as seriously insane while handing them the paperwork to fill in. They giggled as they wrote "Mr and Mrs Haddock" on the form.

They were still filling it in when Snotlout and the twins arrived, pushing and shoving each other through the door. Tuff shoved his sister through, as he sacrificed himself to block Snotlout. "Go, sis!" he yelled, as the clerk leapt out of her chair in fear.

"Has the world gone insane?" she yelped, throwing the forms across the desk to the grasping hands of one wild-eyed Ruffnut.

Fishlegs was last in. "Just once!" he mumbled to himself, gesticulating in the air. "Just once, I would like to come first."

He stared the alarmed clerk in the eye. "Is that too much to ask?" he asked her as she slowly handed over the forms to him too.

"You're all mad!" she cried before racing to the door to change the sign to 'Closed'.

She came back long enough to stamp their paperwork as 'completed', then announced, "I quit!" and left.

"Well…that was a little overdramatic, don't you think?" said Ruffnut with a raised eyebrow at the departing clerk.

Her brother agreed while Snotlout laughed. The other two were strangely silent, although it didn't take long to find out why. Hiccup had dipped Astrid over, and was kissing her madly.

"Urgh! Too many hands," complained Tuffnut.

Ruffnut gave a satisfied grin, "Go girl!" she encouraged.

"Get a room," was Snotlout's disgusted grunt.

So there it was….Hiccup and Astrid had won on so many levels.

It was not a day they would forget any time soon.


	15. Epilogue

The cold and lonely black truck sat by itself at the far corner of the parking lot, a black dragon with blue highlights and green eyes on the side, daring anyone to try their luck against it. But it was still no match for the terrible twins who were currently stalking it, their hapless prey unable to do anything to defend itself.

The dastardly duo cackled secretly to themselves as they approached the truck from the rear, keeping themselves well out of sight. As they crept closer, the dragon truck seemed to be sighing softly, the whispers only causing the twins to grin evilly at each other as they moved in on their target with even more determination.

As the two loomed up next to the side door, they carefully smacked it, their weapon of choice gleefully displayed in all its embarrassing glory. The deed done, the two melted away in the darkness, their mark clearly made on the black truck, with a sign reading 'If the truck's a rockin', don't come a knockin''.

The dragon rig seemed to sigh again, a feminine voice calling lowly, "Ohhhh….Hiccup!"

The sound seemed to trigger a violent reaction within the 'Night Fury' because suddenly there was a loud 'thump, thump' as something landed heavily…followed by a gasp and a very girlish giggle. A frustrated and exasperated male 'huff' came next before a very clear masculine voice stated loudly, "We are _definitely_ getting a larger sleeper!"

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 **And that's all folks...see you in the next story.**


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